trying sobriety right now.... empty!!!!! confused!!!
 

Hello all,
What a cool forum! very good advice from many caring individuals. This is my 5th day sober and i have trying to go to N.A. Meetings again. Even though the drinking and the drugging has been cut way down this last month; the last time i got loaded, i lost the woman i love. She could not longer be with a self-destructive person such as myself. She emailed me "I don't think we should see each other anymore" how cold was that? we have had no contact these past few days. Believe me, i am much better than i was last year. This time last year i was in rehab for alcohol and cocaine. I finished the program and relapsed about a month and a half afterward. Throughout the end of last year and this year, i have managed to keep a job, but still got plastered all the time. I met up with K again about 4 months ago(actually knew her in elementary school and reconnected 20 years later!!) and started living with her and her 2 kids.(too soon, i know)(still managed to keep my own residence though) I was feeling like i belonged to a family sort of, well, i felt responsible and together with her and them. The guilt from my failed, previous marriage disappered a little. I have a beautiful 4 year old that i get to have every other weekend(sucks). My Daughter and i would hang at K's house for the weekends and have a great time. They loved my Daughter. Then my addiction stared showing it's ugly head and i would act a little smart ass to K. Well, she already went down that road. She has had 2 previous failed marriages to addicts. I cannot blame her at all. Today is the first day i had seen her since last thursday(to get my belongings) it felt like my heart was being ripped out.We both hugged and cried.so sad! I am so miserable right now.. so alone.. I have stayed sober since, not for her, but for me. I really want my life to be different now.I have a been an addict for 23 years. 36 years old now. I just don't know any other way. I have already gotten a sponser and have 3 numbers so far, for support. I Just cannot believe i messed up so bad with K. very depressed and angry at myself.They say when you are sober good things happen.. what things happen? I know i won't be making a fool of myself right now and at least nothing fatal (dui, car crash, or overdose) has happened.. I know some of you have way more serious issues to deal with but, i just need some direction and advice. I really want her back in my life. I am feeling better waking up sober, for once. thank you all.

Swampy,you sound a lot like me.Your right,this is a very cool place.You will find a lotta support in here.I am glad you are going to meetings.Try and go everyday.Put your recovery firstand everything else will work itself out.Feel free to PM me if you ever wanna chat.

Hi swampy,

Welcome aboard. Im a newcomer too, and I have a lotta learning todo. I was expecting so many opionated views and such and all I got was "hey nice to have you here"...

Kinda nice for a change,
I hope you get yer girl back,
Kauai

Thanks Never Surrender and Kauai Diver.......

Hello Swampy--Welcome to SR! Glad to meet you. Keep coming back.

Hugs--

Welcome to this great forum. Come here often.

Since I am a woman with some relationship history behind me, remember that women love men who love them, who are sweet & nice & caring, never threatening or abusive or controlling. As the days/weeks/months go by, if in her heart she knows you love her and you don't pull any crabby crap with her, there is always a chance she will come back to you. Keeping your addiction in check and following a plan for recovery will prove to her that losing her was not worth your DOC (drug of choice).

Good luck!

Sherry Lassie

Hi Swampy

Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.

I can understand that you are really hurting right now. You can call me an eternal optimist, but I firmly believe that good can come from all bad situations. Firstly you're getting sober..for you! THAT'S BRILLIANT. Secondly, you're feeling emotions and not numbing them with your D.O.C. THAT'S BRILLIANT TOO.

Detaching from your g/f is tough for you I know, but it's all up from here. To truly love someone you need to work at it (and that goes for people in a relationship), but if you were still drinking, you can only work at it when you feel like it, or when the booze allows you.

You're making your own choices now and the longer you choose to stay sober the more of a complete person you will become. Once you start to rebuild your self esteem, you can have a much more positive outlook on your own life and your actions will have a positive impact on those you love.

The best things in life are worth fighting for. Sobriety and genuine love are right up there.

I hope you can work things out.

Rich

Hey swampy, welcome to SR!!! Congrats on making the desicion to do something about your problem, there are a lot of great people here for support. I too can identify with a lot of what you said in your post. Glad to have you aboard :hug: mike

Hi swampy and welcome! You came to the right place! Get clean and weep the rewards my friend, you can make a big differance!

mikee

Swampy, Glad to have you here, I myself only have 18 days. I too went through rehab last year and have been relapsing all year. Somebody told me at a meeting 18 days ago "are you done digging"? I was on the verge of losing my husband and kids that our my life when I'm not on the shi*. You will have days of wanting to get loaded "like I did yesterday" but you get on here and post and it will get you through it, or call somebody. Go to a meeting and get a call list. For me, this site has saved my a**! It sounds like K does care about you but she does have to look out for her and her kids, I left my first husband because the drugs were more important then me. Fly straight and everything WILL come into place. I'm praying for you.
Love Tina

Hi, Swampy!

Welcome. Can relate to a lot of what you have been saying -- addicted for twenty-four years. Once was one year sober, then relapsed, got the support I needed, worked the Steps, prayed to my Higher Power, now have three months sobriety.

Just take the present moment. That's what helped me. Just one little moment at a time. Whenever I beat up on myself...
:smashfrea
...it only made things worse. Instead, be gentle with yourself. It's gonna be okay. Hope you get lots of support here. I know everyone at SR really helped me. Welcome!
:wave:

Chris-- I love your quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." That means be kind to me, too, eh?

Swampy-- Every person on these boards or who is in recovery has been where you are standing. Take comfort in that. Not only are you NOT ALONE, but there is hope in getting to the other side. Don't drink because, no matter what, drinking WILL make things worse. Let's both try to be a little bit kinder to ourselves, OK?

Hugs....

jojo

Thanks alot for the support guys... just trying to deal with my situation ...