HankFrank89

Hello,
I haven't posted before but I wanted to ask what has helped long term. I have bouts of sobriety but then fall back. At this point, I'm at risk of losing my marriage and family. To this that could happen would seem silly. Who would choose alcohol over their family...and yet I can see it happening. It seems like staying sober forever is impossible.

-Hank

PeacefulWater12

For me it was finding a recovery program that was a good fit and then working it every day. I love the life I have built for myself. Way beyond anything I could have imagined.

DontRemember

It took me multiple failed attempts trying to do it on my own. Then being court ordered to AA for 2meetings/wk for 3 months. Even then I drank off/on for another 6-8 months,but something had changed in my 'thinking'. The obsessing of having a drink faded away slowly and now 13+months sober, I hardly think about a drink. It's like my brain was rewired. I post here most days/nights to help newcomers and people like me and that helps me stay 'in check' as well. Plan,plan,plan...and work the hell out of your plan(s) because your 'life' really does depend on it! Not saying you're going to die,but life as you know it may/will do that with continued drinking.

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you're seeking support.

I think that stopping drinking is just the beginning. For me, I had to do some serious soul-searching and deal with my underlying issues, such as being a control-freak. I also think it helps to have activities and people in your life that support your recovery.

Dee74

Hi HankFrank - welcome

SR helped me a lot - it was great to have people who understood my problem, could give me advice, and who I could bounce ideas off of.

I found it a lot harder to consider goign back to drinking when I found so many success stories here.

I agree with Anna - it's a two fold thing - not drinking any more...and then being happy that way.

The latter takes a little longer but it's worth it.

Now I have a reality I don't want to escape from and a life I don't want to lose.

D

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Hankfrank. Decide to quit drinking, then do whatever it takes to support that decision. If you had told me 13 months ago that I would never drink again AND be okay with that, I never would have believed it. Yet it's completely possible.

Berrybean

Well, working on our recovery is what makes the difference. On an ongoing basis.
For me that meant AA - and doing it wholeheartedly, I.e. getting a sponsor and working the 12-step program. When I first looked at the steps I was really surprised to see that only the first step even mentioned alcohol. None of the other eleven mentioned it at all. And it was the other eleven I most needed help with when I went along there a month sober. But I still sat there resisting committing to it for another 6 months, stubborn old fool that I am. So, a program AND willingness to do what it takes I suppose.

BB

Verdantia

Welcome, Hank. SR is a great place for advice, help and support and I am very glad you are here. 25 months ago I wrecked my car in a drunken suicide attempt--the only thing I remember was a huge impact that seemed to knock some sense into my head. I was in the hospital for over a week and then checked into rehab. It was 12-step based and helped a lot. After I left I have been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and getting help for my underlying issues of severe depression and mental illness. I do lots of volunteer work and have become involved with a local church, playing bass in the praise band and working with their youth program. I also come to SR several times a day to read and post.
It's important to have a plan, and I wish you all the best-I'm rooting for you.

EliL

Change everything and then change some more.

Nonsensical

Your implication here is that only a low-life would do this.
I used to think the same thing.
And by extension, I considered myself a low-life.
And I beat myself up for it often.
Which made be feel lousy.
Which made escaping through drink more appealing.
I think this cycle contributed significantly to my clinging to alcohol for decades.

The best thing I've discovered since becoming sober is that I was not a low-life, just a guy with a problem. A problem I created and a problem I could solve.

I'm never going back. It seems like sober forever is highly likely.

You can do this.

tealily

For me the hardest part of a "long term solution" was actually what finally made it the easiest. And that is to not "try" to quit, or to moderate, or quit for a while. It is finally deciding that this alcohol thing is NOT working for you .. the understatement of the century. You think you want to keep drinking, because it's "fun", it's what "makes party", it's what "everyone else does", that you perversely "deserve it", that you "need it to relax and feel better".

But those are lies. Lies the addiction tells you.

It's telling you it's worth keeping on and even losing your family. Are you going to believe it?

There's a reason why an addiction is hard to break. It's a physical and mental trick your body and mind are trying to play on you that is the ultimate in self destruction. It's a disease of its own sort, eating you away, making you AND your life smaller, but telling you, "oh, nothing to see here .. keep on pouring that poison through your throat and liver."

I "tried" countless times to quit for my sake, for my kids' sake, for my health, my husband, my family... It worked for a little while, on sheer will and gutting it out. But I always went back. UNTIL

I finally took it off the table completely. NO amount will be good for you. It's an illusion that it's something you "want" .. just like OCD compulsions are for people who suffer with that. It's a lie, a brain glitch, but you are capable of recognizing it for what it is and not letting it ruin you.

Once you say you are finally DONE, and will not drink it anymore.. it's so much easier. Every time you are tempted, you don't need to bargain, or feel sad and deprived. Just tell yourself it's a LIE and a brain trick, let it go, and repeat. The more you do it, the longer you hang in there, the easier it will finally get.

And just like the person who swears they HAVE TO touch the door knob on their way out of their room because of their OCD, you will finally realize the compulsion to drink for the lie that it is.

This is what helped me. And reading here, over and over... you recognize the same pattern. It is not unique or surprising. And just like others have stopped and created a better life for themselves, you can too.

No more bargaining. No more "wishing". Just let it go.

And good riddance.