Reflections of my last bender...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 62
Reflections of my last bender...
Baltimore Orioles in the playoffs, Hurricane Matthew on its way and a night away in a hotel, what a great reason to get drunk. Fact is, I didn’t drink because of the storm, or the Orioles, it was because I am an alcoholic and my addiction wanted me to drink. I proceeded to drink 10-12 beers hard. Wake-up the next morning to catch a flight home, UPGRADE!!! Two beers in the airport bar and four bloody mary’s on the plane. Show up at home with a 36 rack of coors light and a twelve pack of IPA intending to be hammered by storm time and of no use to my family. Awesome dad and husband. We all know how this goes. Next morning wake up, gut wrenching, shaking, head pounding, sweating, no mental sense and total lack of responsibility. Oh ****, now we have to go to Greenville. I am a mess trying to get packed. Lets not forget I fell off a golf cart and tore my back up and shredded my legs up on oyster shells the day before. Wife does all the hard work, I do all the sloppy work and outdoor work so I can sneak beers in the garage at 10 am.
We drive to Greenville. Great News! Ruth’s Chris in the hotel for more drinking. 3 beers at the bar and two bottles of $162 wine to make me feel important. I am a total ******* mess and blackout before bed.
Next morning, wake up feeling like hell. Go to the Greenville Kids museum with the family, throwing up in the museum bathroom. Go to lunch, order 3 more beers. Come back to hotel and take my oldest son swimming which was just an excuse for me to go to the bar and grab some more drinks. Come back from swimming and pass out. Wake back up at 6 but don’t know if it is AM or PM. Wife is drinking wine and I am briefly overjoyed to see her drinking in the morning until I realize it’s night time. Start drinking some wine too. Eat a burger they ordered for me, like a pig. Black out, Pass out. Wake up next morning with the fear and terror. Go to pool. Sneak back up to room to pound a bottle of wine and try to hide it. Go to lunch, 3 more beers. Here comes the depression!
Come back to hotel. Wife and youngest son take a nap. Great! I can pound an entire bottle of wine in front my oldest son while he’s playing Ipad on the couch. Here comes the real fear, the real terror. Scared of myself, scared I might hurt myself. Total insanity. Have to do something. Write a note on phone to wife cause I can’t speak that simply states,
“I have a really bad problem with alcohol and depression and if I don’t do something about it, it’s gonna kill me or I’m gonna kill myself.”
Wake wife up in a panic and hand the phone to her. Thank god for her. She packs us up and drives us home. I want nothing more than to pull over a gas station to lock myself in the bathroom and pound beers but the gas station in Summerville is locked up with chains. That’s ok, there is still beer in the garage though I swore it off hours ago. Get in to garage and pound 6 beers. Total terror and admission to self and wife that I’m an alcoholic and really sick.
Spend the entire next day in spare bedroom throwing up, shaking, can’t eat, massive depression, anxiety, sweating, hell….absolute hell.
Beg god for help on the bathroom floor and walk in to AA the next day for what I hope is a sober future….
Sobriety Date 10/10/2016. 16 months of continuous sobriety.
AA saved my life. I tried every alternative to quit drinking - psychologists, supplements, medications, marijuana maintenance. Nothing worked...I found myself truly hopeless and doomed on 10/9/16. By the grace of a power that is greater than myself, sponsorship and the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous - I have learned to live life on life's terms, build a fellowship/unity around me and a personal relationship with a higher power that I call God. This provides me everything and more that I looked for in alcohol, drugs, money, gambling, relationships, etc.. The man I used to be would never recognize the man I am today.
I am extremely grateful and hope that this post helps those that are apprehensive about recovery, AA and in a position where they can't imagine a life with or without alcohol that there is a way out. There is a solution. God bless.
We drive to Greenville. Great News! Ruth’s Chris in the hotel for more drinking. 3 beers at the bar and two bottles of $162 wine to make me feel important. I am a total ******* mess and blackout before bed.
Next morning, wake up feeling like hell. Go to the Greenville Kids museum with the family, throwing up in the museum bathroom. Go to lunch, order 3 more beers. Come back to hotel and take my oldest son swimming which was just an excuse for me to go to the bar and grab some more drinks. Come back from swimming and pass out. Wake back up at 6 but don’t know if it is AM or PM. Wife is drinking wine and I am briefly overjoyed to see her drinking in the morning until I realize it’s night time. Start drinking some wine too. Eat a burger they ordered for me, like a pig. Black out, Pass out. Wake up next morning with the fear and terror. Go to pool. Sneak back up to room to pound a bottle of wine and try to hide it. Go to lunch, 3 more beers. Here comes the depression!
Come back to hotel. Wife and youngest son take a nap. Great! I can pound an entire bottle of wine in front my oldest son while he’s playing Ipad on the couch. Here comes the real fear, the real terror. Scared of myself, scared I might hurt myself. Total insanity. Have to do something. Write a note on phone to wife cause I can’t speak that simply states,
“I have a really bad problem with alcohol and depression and if I don’t do something about it, it’s gonna kill me or I’m gonna kill myself.”
Wake wife up in a panic and hand the phone to her. Thank god for her. She packs us up and drives us home. I want nothing more than to pull over a gas station to lock myself in the bathroom and pound beers but the gas station in Summerville is locked up with chains. That’s ok, there is still beer in the garage though I swore it off hours ago. Get in to garage and pound 6 beers. Total terror and admission to self and wife that I’m an alcoholic and really sick.
Spend the entire next day in spare bedroom throwing up, shaking, can’t eat, massive depression, anxiety, sweating, hell….absolute hell.
Beg god for help on the bathroom floor and walk in to AA the next day for what I hope is a sober future….
Sobriety Date 10/10/2016. 16 months of continuous sobriety.
AA saved my life. I tried every alternative to quit drinking - psychologists, supplements, medications, marijuana maintenance. Nothing worked...I found myself truly hopeless and doomed on 10/9/16. By the grace of a power that is greater than myself, sponsorship and the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous - I have learned to live life on life's terms, build a fellowship/unity around me and a personal relationship with a higher power that I call God. This provides me everything and more that I looked for in alcohol, drugs, money, gambling, relationships, etc.. The man I used to be would never recognize the man I am today.
I am extremely grateful and hope that this post helps those that are apprehensive about recovery, AA and in a position where they can't imagine a life with or without alcohol that there is a way out. There is a solution. God bless.
Dented But Reliable
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Pickerington, OH
Posts: 31
Well said my friend. 
Just got done reading a daily AA inspirational that one of my sponsees sends me. It hit on the subject of doing the Steps correctly.
It reminded me that once I was done suffering, it was THEN that the work had to begin. Hey...I dug this hole deep. Yet somebody was willing to throw down a rope ladder. I climbed. It wasn't easy, but it was rewarding more than I could ever have dreamed.
Just got done reading a daily AA inspirational that one of my sponsees sends me. It hit on the subject of doing the Steps correctly.
It reminded me that once I was done suffering, it was THEN that the work had to begin. Hey...I dug this hole deep. Yet somebody was willing to throw down a rope ladder. I climbed. It wasn't easy, but it was rewarding more than I could ever have dreamed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Chucktown —. Thank you! I needed this reminder. I was in this same state 24 short days ago. AA has been a blessing to me since then. Like you, it was reaching out to my SO and walking into the rooms that stopped the cycle of hell.
Congrats on your sober time. 💜
Congrats on your sober time. 💜
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 62
A drunk fell in a hole and couldn't get out. A businessman went by. The drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him get yourself a ladder. But the drunk could not find a ladder in this hole he was in.
A doctor walked by. The drunk said, "Help, I can't get out." The doctor gave him drugs and said, "Take this, it will relieve the pain." The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.
A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunks cries for help. He stopped and said, "How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness." So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he'd be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.
A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said I'll say a prayer for you. He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.
A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, "Hey, help me, I'm stuck in this hole." Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, "What are you doing? Now we're both stuck here." But the recovering alcoholic said, "It's okay, I've been here before, I know how to get out."
A doctor walked by. The drunk said, "Help, I can't get out." The doctor gave him drugs and said, "Take this, it will relieve the pain." The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.
A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunks cries for help. He stopped and said, "How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness." So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he'd be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.
A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said I'll say a prayer for you. He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.
A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, "Hey, help me, I'm stuck in this hole." Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, "What are you doing? Now we're both stuck here." But the recovering alcoholic said, "It's okay, I've been here before, I know how to get out."
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Originally Posted by Ihadmyfill 
I was starting to get a little PTSD symptoms reading your post. So glad you and I never have to live that way again!!
Congratulations on your sober time!
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