Wasnt ready
 

I've been in and out of AA for 20 years now, and finally feel im ready to stop. I found myself desperate enough to drink a concocution of listerine and hand sanatizer.
I dont have much memory of what i did but do know that i had a large hunting knife with me to protect myself from what ever might attack me as I was running across the pasture. I would hate to think what might have happened if the sheriff had driven by.
The next day after i had sobered up i felt i was in such a dark place. Still do to an extent but not as bad. I believe if this happens again i wont come out alive. I feel lime im in a deep hole with a solid rock bottom, just waiting for the dirt to fall in on me. I dont have much support from my family, so i hope i can make this a new family that can understand and help.

Welcome aboard Bugg - you'll find a lot of support here :)

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Welcome Bug, Lots of good support here, and well done surviving 20 years of alcoholic drinking.

When I read your frist line above I immediately thought I hope you are ready and willing to work the program of AA. It takes a lot for most of us to get to that point of desperation and willingness, many never do.

So here's wishing you the best. Put the work in and the odds are in your favour.

Welcome bugg🙂 SR has been really helpful in keeping me sober the last few months.

Welcome Bugg. I'm glad you're ready to stop. Wonderful support here on SR.

You'll find SR a supportive, caring family. We understand what your going through and there will always be someone here to help you.
:c009::welcome

I echo everyone's sentiments. SR has been my support group and this is a wonderful place to find it. Welcome to you.
Now get yourself up out of that hole.

Welcome bugg :) This place is great and has helped me tonnes. They will do the same for you too.