You're not weak
 

I know this topic has been discussed before, but with many new people coming here everyday I think it's good to bring up again. I think we beat ourselves up when trying to quit because we think we lack willpower or are too weak, but once you understand the science behind how alcohol affects the brain it makes it easier to understand why it's so hard (but necessary) to quit. It helped me to put into perspective why I felt the way I did in the first 4-6 weeks after quitting, when at the time I thought I was losing my mind.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/10/16/what-alcohol-really-does-to-your-brain/amp/

I just replied on another thread pretty much identical to your post. It’s amazing to learn that our neural pathways have changed over time and we have really exercised one particular pathway to the point that will power alone often doesn’t work when it comes to alcohol so we feel like failures. Even if we have will power in other areas. Learning about the brain changes that occur with any substance abuse was a real eye opener for me. :)

Understanding how the brain works helps explain why you can't become a "normal" drinker after you've crossed that invisible line. The brain will always want more. While that may disappoint us, it's reassuring to know how the brain (and liver) can heal itself with abstinence!

When you quit it again changes your brain chemistry as your brain can balance itself around the changes alcohol causes over long term use. PAWS lingers on due to the chemical imbalance of withdrawal as your brain slowly adjusts to the new normal in regulating it's chemicals.

I definitely went through PAWS but unfortunately didn't know what it was at the time. It started with a big panic attack that led to around 2 months of major anxiety and sleep issues. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place, and I thought something was physically wrong with me. I fell under the category of binge drinker and didn't have any issues until I crossed that invisible line over a three week period over the summer. While by some standards I didn't drink as much as others, stopping sent my brain into overdrive.

PAWS is a nightmare, I went through it when I stopped taking pain medication and learned about it then. I had a bad bout of it when I quit drinking, now that I've been coming out if it it scares me from thinking about drinking again.

I need these reminders. Thankful I lived through everything I put my body through.