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Trying to gather some strength

Old 02-16-2018, 08:29 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thinking of you, Stewy.
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:31 PM
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me too stewy.

D
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Old 02-17-2018, 06:13 PM
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and me.
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Old 02-19-2018, 02:52 PM
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Hi guys,

Iím still here, thank you for messages, I do appreciate it. I think I need to take big action this time. Rehab or just something different to what Iím doing. Iím really stuck to be honest. I can not afford to just down tools from my job to have a rehab stint- Iíve got too many people relying on me and needing me to show up every day including people at work and my daughter, nephew and family.
Getting up each morning full of remorse about the previous night drinking only to make an about turn hours later and end up drowning my sorrows daily is getting to me now. I am angry about it all as I have so much clarity first thing and then it gradually Evapourates throughout the day.
Iím fully aware I have a problem and it needs to be addressed, itís not like Iím just in denial about it all. Iíve compromised myself so many times in the last few months through drinking itís ridiculous.
I get the criticism levelled at me- itís been taken on board. Lay into me if that makes anyone feel better. I know Iíve been a pain and not listened to advice.
If I can just get a foothold on this, everything will be better rather than this constant sleep walking through life- making excuses as to why Iím not fully present.
The truth is I switched drinking to junk food when I first quit- so I havenít really addressed the addiction thing. In the 2.5 years I quit alcohol, I was stuffing my face with unhealthy food.
So this time- itís tackling all of it
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:07 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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so if not rehab, whats the something different going to be Stewy?

D
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:08 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stew1984 View Post
Hi guys,

I’m still here, thank you for messages, I do appreciate it. I think I need to take big action this time. Rehab or just something different to what I’m doing. I’m really stuck to be honest. I can not afford to just down tools from my job to have a rehab stint- I’ve got too many people relying on me and needing me to show up every day including people at work and my daughter, nephew and family.
Getting up each morning full of remorse about the previous night drinking only to make an about turn hours later and end up drowning my sorrows daily is getting to me now. I am angry about it all as I have so much clarity first thing and then it gradually Evapourates throughout the day.
I’m fully aware I have a problem and it needs to be addressed, it’s not like I’m just in denial about it all. I’ve compromised myself so many times in the last few months through drinking it’s ridiculous.
I get the criticism levelled at me- it’s been taken on board. Lay into me if that makes anyone feel better. I know I’ve been a pain and not listened to advice.
If I can just get a foothold on this, everything will be better rather than this constant sleep walking through life- making excuses as to why I’m not fully present.
The truth is I switched drinking to junk food when I first quit- so I haven’t really addressed the addiction thing. In the 2.5 years I quit alcohol, I was stuffing my face with unhealthy food.
So this time- it’s tackling all of it
I'm not trying to kick you while you're down..however..You say you can't "down tools", Is that sale your work tools or not being able to work because you'll be at rehab for a month or so?
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:11 PM
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Excuses Stewy. Need to make a move. What's it gonna be? John
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:23 PM
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I'll say too, That no one here "feels better about themselves" for your continued drinking,not even you. Daughter,nephew,family and people at work.. Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and say "If I went and got help to get/stay sober, these people's lives would be a mess! For those 30-60 days." How could you possibly mess up their lives by getting sober? That's some straight up nonsense! No I don't feel better about having to watch you continue to go through this..If anything it's the opposite. Imagine how your family and friends/coworkers feel. I don't even know you. Get help,man. It's impossible to get a "foothold" without taking a step.
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:28 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I can not afford to just down tools from my job to have a rehab stint- Iíve got too many people relying on me and needing me to show up every day including people at work and my daughter, nephew and family.
Getting up each morning full of remorse about the previous night drinking only to make an about turn hours later and end up drowning my sorrows daily is getting to me now.


stew - you can't NOT afford to address this problem! this addiction isn't allowing you to be fully present to anything or anyone. you wake up with remorse and go to bed drunk. so somewhere in there you get a few hours where you are marginally......what?

there is no greater gift you could give the people you care about than to go full stop and address the elephant in the room. you're gonna have to let go of your ego tho.....the one that says you are the one holding it altogether............because you are the one tearing it apart right now.
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:41 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I could be off-base, but I can relate to what Stewy is saying and perhaps some of you guys are being a bit harsh? Not for me to judge, just an opinionated observation. I was like Stewy a few times. I couldn't check myself in for a month - single parent, nobody to take care of elementary school kids for that long (their other parent deceased). I woke up every morning, ashamed and depressed, swearing I wanted to stop and today would be the day, and then by 5 pm I would cave. Every. Day. Twice I finally broke down, took a week off of work and detoxed. Relapsed both times within a year. I gave up and had a loooong pity party. If taking off work is not an option (and for some it's not), perhaps intensive outpatient treatment could be an option. Stewy, what have you tried so far?
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Old 02-19-2018, 03:43 PM
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"If I can just get a foothold on this, everything will be better rather than this constant sleep walking through life- making excuses as to why I’m not fully present." - Stewy


Surrender. You cannot control alcoholism. Active alcoholism controls a person. It is perfectly acceptable to throw in the towel and walk away.
There is something to be said to wake up each day without remorse, guilt, shame. There is something to be said about energy and focus. There is not anyone who can make this decision but you. I do hope, after all this time that you have been posting, that you find a way to make it a "Day 1".
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Old 02-19-2018, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Stew1984 View Post
so I havenít really addressed the addiction thing.

So this time- itís tackling all of it
I would agree - you never did really address it.

How do you plan on tackling it now? Talk won't do it, either will thinking about it. Self pity won't help either - or criticism or "laying into you"

We all know what you need to do, and so do you. The only question left to answer is if you will actually do it.
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Old 02-20-2018, 12:45 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I think I need to take big action this time. Rehab or just something different to what I’m doing.
’m really stuck to be honest. I can not afford to just down tools from my job to have a rehab stint-


notice the contradiction?
still wanting sobriety on your terms,stewy. not only that, you yourself said its excuses
making excuses as to why I’m not fully present.
your not fully present yet your job,daighter, and nephew are relying on you.
those 3 will will be ok if you were away at rehab- the FMLA will protect your job, your daughter has a family, and your nephew(is that a new one?) will survive,too.


I get the criticism levelled at me- it’s been taken on board. Lay into me if that makes anyone feel better

first off, its not criticism- its the facts stated from what we see.
noone says anything to you to make them feel better.
everyone has said something to TRY and help.


So this time- it’s tackling all of it
so whats the action youre going to do?
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Old 02-20-2018, 01:00 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Well if im dealing with today and today only, I'm up and on my way to work. I think whatís happened is because I started up drinking again, the urges are way worse than the last time I decided to quit.

First and foremost today, I have to break this vicious cycle and get into bed sober. I have to face any discomfort today and dismiss any cravings.

The reality has been Iíve prioritised alcohol over everything and everyone else has been a side note.

I feel like itís now this huge monster thatís taken control- Iíve got to challenge this today and take back control of the situation
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Old 02-20-2018, 01:07 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stew1984 View Post
Well if im dealing with today and today only, I'm up and on my way to work. I think whatís happened is because I started up drinking again, the urges are way worse than the last time I decided to quit.

First and foremost today, I have to break this vicious cycle and get into bed sober. I have to face any discomfort today and dismiss any cravings.

The reality has been Iíve prioritised alcohol over everything and everyone else has been a side note
stewy, go back through your threads over the years.
this plan of action has been done. NONE of it does a dam thing YOU SAID needed addressing

so I havenít really addressed the addiction thing. In the 2.5 years I quit alcohol, I was stuffing my face with unhealthy food.
So this time- itís tackling all of it


NONE of that addresses, nor makes an attempt to find help to, address addiction/alcoholism.
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Old 02-20-2018, 03:00 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Hi Stewy

declarations are not action. I'm sorry but thats the truth.

You've declared before that today was the day you'd go to bed sober and take your life back - and its true you have managed a sober day or two here and there....

but it's not lasting , man.

I think, over and over, you're trying to make an immense change without actually changing anything.

I did the same for years. I wanted to live my life unchanged and just not drink, when daily drinking was a cornerstone of that life....

You're doomed to failure that way.

I don't know what else will help.

You might have to attend AA, you might have to see your Dr and ask for help, you might have to go to rehab no matter how inconvenient or humiliating that might be.

You may have to do a mix of all of that.

But you need to make some tangible inroads into this problem before you lose yourself forever.

D
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:11 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Stewy - Stew ...
You are ready now!!!!!
You are begging to get sober !!!
You need a push!!!

We are pushing !!!!
But can only write words.
That's All WE can do to help.

YOU man.... you just need to seek some local help.

Well... If you want to get sober and cannot do it alone...
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

I am ranting here... Day 2 ... My brain is slighly off kilter. But I hope my plead to you makes some sense.

Make a call... Get some help.

I am prob talking to myself..... I need to head my advice.

We are not much different.

- MR
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:23 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stew1984 View Post
Well if im dealing with today and today only, I'm up and on my way to work. I think whatís happened is because I started up drinking again, the urges are way worse than the last time I decided to quit.

First and foremost today, I have to break this vicious cycle and get into bed sober. I have to face any discomfort today and dismiss any cravings.

The reality has been Iíve prioritised alcohol over everything and everyone else has been a side note.

I feel like itís now this huge monster thatís taken control- Iíve got to challenge this today and take back control of the situation
I'd bet there's an AA meeting you could go to today/tonight.
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Old 02-20-2018, 02:05 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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The reality has been Iíve prioritised alcohol over everything and everyone else has been a side note.

and the key to sobriety is to make RECOVERY your priority. to begin to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay sober.

back in the day when we talked about how to get sober, it went like this:

1) don't drink
2) go to meetings
3) follow directions

and the directions are:

1) don't drink
2) go to meetings
3) follow directions

and the directions are...........you get the point.

ideally stewy if you are told that to stay sober you must paint yourself green, and stand on your head and sing The Star Spangled Banner or Danny Boy or O Tannenbaum, you'd DO IT. you'd have enough faith in others who ARE sober, and enough humility to realize you don't know the first thing about HOW to not drink. you'd have that much WILLINGNESS.
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Old 02-20-2018, 02:30 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
humility
This ONE WORD kept me drinking. I had none and didn't care for any.
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