I slipped up, but it's ok
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
I slipped up, but it's ok
2 days ago I had my stepdads funeral. We were very close and he's been a huge part of my life for 22 years. Cancer took him at just 47. He was a well loved character and hundreds of people turned up to the funeral. He had the wake at a club as he was a well known DJ. The sendoff was amazing.
I went with a plan not to drink. Who was I kidding? I'm an alcoholic, put me around hundreds of happy people and alcohol and it's going to get messy. When I got to the wake people were buying me drinks right away. That's no excuse I could have refused but I'm an alcohol around alcohol in the early stages of quitting. It was inevitable. I have no regrets drinking that night. Everyone had an amazing night.
But that was the start of a problem.
Yesterday I went to the shop and purchased a bottle of vodka. It sat on the table as I stared at it questioning "Should I drink it?". I didn't drink it. I opened it and poured it down the drain. My girlfriend seen what I did and gave me a hug and told me I did the right thing. I was proud of that moment and something that needed to happen to drill it into my head that I have a drinking problem.
I try to find the positive side to everything instead of feeling guilt and feeling bad.
I couldn't escape the wake, I had to go. Any other time I would have refused because of the temptation to drink during the early quitting stages. But I had to be there for my mom and brother.
I'm back on the horse. I'm day 2 again.
No ear bashings please. I'm writing this as a log to look back on in the future. I'm very much determined to stay off the alcohol.
I went with a plan not to drink. Who was I kidding? I'm an alcoholic, put me around hundreds of happy people and alcohol and it's going to get messy. When I got to the wake people were buying me drinks right away. That's no excuse I could have refused but I'm an alcohol around alcohol in the early stages of quitting. It was inevitable. I have no regrets drinking that night. Everyone had an amazing night.
But that was the start of a problem.
Yesterday I went to the shop and purchased a bottle of vodka. It sat on the table as I stared at it questioning "Should I drink it?". I didn't drink it. I opened it and poured it down the drain. My girlfriend seen what I did and gave me a hug and told me I did the right thing. I was proud of that moment and something that needed to happen to drill it into my head that I have a drinking problem.
I try to find the positive side to everything instead of feeling guilt and feeling bad.
I couldn't escape the wake, I had to go. Any other time I would have refused because of the temptation to drink during the early quitting stages. But I had to be there for my mom and brother.
I'm back on the horse. I'm day 2 again.
No ear bashings please. I'm writing this as a log to look back on in the future. I'm very much determined to stay off the alcohol.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
No bashing from me.
It seemed your posts pre-funeral essentially left a lot of room for just this scenario to happen. Note- nothing is inevitable, though, so there's that mental adjustment for you to hopefully make, like we all had to so we could start a sober journey.
I wish you the best for making this your last new start- I don't believe we get an infinite number- and that you make a plan of action for making it just that, and beginning a life in recovery.
It seemed your posts pre-funeral essentially left a lot of room for just this scenario to happen. Note- nothing is inevitable, though, so there's that mental adjustment for you to hopefully make, like we all had to so we could start a sober journey.
I wish you the best for making this your last new start- I don't believe we get an infinite number- and that you make a plan of action for making it just that, and beginning a life in recovery.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi 16yearsdrunk 
I left a lot of funerals drunk, a lot of weddings too....but not since I quit drinking for good in 2007.
I'm not saying that to boast - just a simple fact.
I reached an understanding where there is no reason good, or bad, enough for me to drink.
I've had a few funerals over the last decade.
I get the people offering me drinks too. I say no.
Nowadays I focus on helping out making the wake run smoothly, making sure that people who need support get it.
I prefer being this me than the old drunk me.
If I can change tho - so can you, man
don't underestimate this thing - be prepared for trouble....or it will take you down.
D
I left a lot of funerals drunk, a lot of weddings too....but not since I quit drinking for good in 2007.
I'm not saying that to boast - just a simple fact.
I reached an understanding where there is no reason good, or bad, enough for me to drink.
I've had a few funerals over the last decade.
I get the people offering me drinks too. I say no.
Nowadays I focus on helping out making the wake run smoothly, making sure that people who need support get it.
I prefer being this me than the old drunk me.
If I can change tho - so can you, man
don't underestimate this thing - be prepared for trouble....or it will take you down.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for your loss. And I'm so glad you tipped that bottle away and have renewed your search for sobriety.
I must say though, a funeral or being surrounded by other people drinking does not have to mean that drinking is inevitable. Yesterday I went to an AA funeral. Plenty of alcoholics with recovery of different lengths there. None of them drank. They went, paid their respects, then got themselves to a meeting and went to bed sober. This is not said as a criticism, but because I really do think that it's important for you to understand that, if you stay sober now and work on your recovery, it need never be 'inevitable' that you drink again, under ANY circumstances, because we can learn to deal with life on life's terms. We can learn to feel, and not let fear or sorrow or anger turn us into puppets to our alcoholism. Honestly, I am not a 'strong' person or a special one, and neither are the people I was at the funeral with. If we can do this, so can you. If you choose recovery and a different solution.
BB
I must say though, a funeral or being surrounded by other people drinking does not have to mean that drinking is inevitable. Yesterday I went to an AA funeral. Plenty of alcoholics with recovery of different lengths there. None of them drank. They went, paid their respects, then got themselves to a meeting and went to bed sober. This is not said as a criticism, but because I really do think that it's important for you to understand that, if you stay sober now and work on your recovery, it need never be 'inevitable' that you drink again, under ANY circumstances, because we can learn to deal with life on life's terms. We can learn to feel, and not let fear or sorrow or anger turn us into puppets to our alcoholism. Honestly, I am not a 'strong' person or a special one, and neither are the people I was at the funeral with. If we can do this, so can you. If you choose recovery and a different solution.
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi 16 yrsdrunk. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved stepdad. Good you picked yourself back up. Pouring the vodka out showed strength and determination as well. Good for you. Keep going with the good fight 16 yrs. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Very sorry. I am a bit envious though. You drank and were sad because of the loss of your stepdad. You should feel lucky to have had that in your life. I am sure you do too.
I on the other hand absolutely hate my stepdaughter. I want to drink so I can make through an evening.
I on the other hand absolutely hate my stepdaughter. I want to drink so I can make through an evening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Condolences, 16 on the loss of your stepdad. Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty over your slip--I'm so glad you poured that poison down the drain. As we well know, alcohol doesn't help anything and only makes matters far worse. Rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Really sorry to hear about your stepdad. How are you doing today? Props for dumping the vodka, though you might not have the strength to pull that off next time.
We really can beat this if we commit to taking drinking completely off the table.
All the best!
We really can beat this if we commit to taking drinking completely off the table.
All the best!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Stronger2017 
Really sorry to hear about your stepdad. How are you doing today? Props for dumping the vodka, though you might not have the strength to pull that off next time.
We really can beat this if we commit to taking drinking completely off the table.
All the best!
We really can beat this if we commit to taking drinking completely off the table.
All the best!
I honestly think I'm done with alcohol now for good. I have different feelings towards it that I've not had before. I'm head strong and determined to do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk
I'm good thanks. I'm angry and agitated, but doing well. No thoughts of drink and no desire to drink. I tested myself by walking to the off license to buy a bottle of cola and some chocolate and didn't even give the alcohol a second glance.
I honestly think I'm done with alcohol now for good. I have different feelings towards it that I've not had before. I'm head strong and determined to do this.
I honestly think I'm done with alcohol now for good. I have different feelings towards it that I've not had before. I'm head strong and determined to do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk
I'm good thanks. I'm angry and agitated, but doing well. No thoughts of drink and no desire to drink. I tested myself by walking to the off license to buy a bottle of cola and some chocolate and didn't even give the alcohol a second glance.
I honestly think I'm done with alcohol now for good. I have different feelings towards it that I've not had before. I'm head strong and determined to do this.
I honestly think I'm done with alcohol now for good. I have different feelings towards it that I've not had before. I'm head strong and determined to do this.
I really would think on a plan as I suggested before...
and while I understand 'testing' yourself today made you feel better, IMO there's really no need to artificially set up 'testing' situations, they come anyway.
Be ready and you'll be fine
D
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