Feel like I'm failing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Feel like I'm failing
I'm not sure if this is the place to come but it's what I found.
I use to be addicted to cocaine, pain pills and alcohol. Other than a few slips over the years, I've been mostly clean for over a decade. But recently my life has fallen completely apart. I've already started drinking and I feel the constant urge for something stronger.
I want to stop feeling, to be numb.
I'm resisting, but the urge isn't going away and I'm running out of reasons to not give in.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm reaching out in hopes of finding something to grab on to. A life line I guess. I don't know.
Thank you for listening and for any advice you might have.
I use to be addicted to cocaine, pain pills and alcohol. Other than a few slips over the years, I've been mostly clean for over a decade. But recently my life has fallen completely apart. I've already started drinking and I feel the constant urge for something stronger.
I want to stop feeling, to be numb.
I'm resisting, but the urge isn't going away and I'm running out of reasons to not give in.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm reaching out in hopes of finding something to grab on to. A life line I guess. I don't know.
Thank you for listening and for any advice you might have.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Welcome to SR. It sounds like life stresses have pushed you back into addiction? I am sure you know drinking will only make things worse......I understand completely the wish to numb yourself but it never really works for long. I know.......I have tried to do that for decades. Read around SR, keep posting and if you are still struggling to quit after reaching out here and spending time reading, you could maybe consider seeing a therapist or going to group support (AA or SMART).
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
I'm sorry you're having hard times. 
You can always come here for some support.
Reverse Psych
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Mountains of Deep South
Posts: 25
Welcome, Slipping.
It is awesome that you have reached out here. We are family that Get eachother, ya know?
In your share, I see how you are realizing your predicament and struggle. That is HUGE. For me, it snuck up on me.
I was sober for 11 awesome years. Unfortunately a Dry Drunk the last few of those years. I let my sobriety drop waaaaay down on my priorities of Life. I was not drinking but I slowly got my emotional and mental states to how I was before I became sober. Family just assumed I was rockin’ my sobriety and no longer even talked about it.
I let my character defects run rampant and when a huge physical and emotional tragedy happened...my Zombie AV had me saying that just one wouldn’t hurt. Just a few beers left over in the fridge from a party. Eeeew. So better buy vodka, my drug of choice. Kindling had me back to a fifth of vodka a night and I was so depressed and lost.
Moral of my story? It really is one day at a time. I have to keep my sobriety number one, even before my kiddos, because without my sobriety, my kiddos have an absent Mommy.
You can fight this! You have a running start not to follow my path to ultimate destruction. Keep coming back here and sharing. Take care of you. YOU are the reason not to give in. DarlingSong has lots of good suggestions.
“No matter how far along the road we travel, we are all the same distance from the ditch.“
We are here for you.
nOalcohoL2daY
It is awesome that you have reached out here. We are family that Get eachother, ya know?
In your share, I see how you are realizing your predicament and struggle. That is HUGE. For me, it snuck up on me.
I was sober for 11 awesome years. Unfortunately a Dry Drunk the last few of those years. I let my sobriety drop waaaaay down on my priorities of Life. I was not drinking but I slowly got my emotional and mental states to how I was before I became sober. Family just assumed I was rockin’ my sobriety and no longer even talked about it.
I let my character defects run rampant and when a huge physical and emotional tragedy happened...my Zombie AV had me saying that just one wouldn’t hurt. Just a few beers left over in the fridge from a party. Eeeew. So better buy vodka, my drug of choice. Kindling had me back to a fifth of vodka a night and I was so depressed and lost.
Moral of my story? It really is one day at a time. I have to keep my sobriety number one, even before my kiddos, because without my sobriety, my kiddos have an absent Mommy.
You can fight this! You have a running start not to follow my path to ultimate destruction. Keep coming back here and sharing. Take care of you. YOU are the reason not to give in. DarlingSong has lots of good suggestions.
“No matter how far along the road we travel, we are all the same distance from the ditch.“
We are here for you.
nOalcohoL2daY
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi and welcome Slipping 
I think drinking is more than capable of waking up what a lot of folks here call 'the addictive voice'.
Obviously drinking not helping you deal with whatever problems you have, and it's risking you opening the door to even bigger problems.
I really believe in recovery action plains. This link explains what that is and how it might help
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
you'll find a lot of support here too - it helps!
D
I think drinking is more than capable of waking up what a lot of folks here call 'the addictive voice'.
Obviously drinking not helping you deal with whatever problems you have, and it's risking you opening the door to even bigger problems.
I really believe in recovery action plains. This link explains what that is and how it might help
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
you'll find a lot of support here too - it helps!
D
Last edited by Dee74; 02-09-2018 at 06:36 PM.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Glad to have you here, Slipping. I hope reading the posts & discussions will help. I've been sober 10 yrs. & can imagine how devastating it is to be faced with this temptation. I'm sorry things have gone wrong in your life - but please don't let go of the freedom of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Originally Posted by Slipping999 
Thank you
The link you provided leads back to this thread?
The link you provided leads back to this thread?
Try this link.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Originally Posted by Slipping999
Thank you
The link you provided leads back to this thread?
The link you provided leads back to this thread?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Update
So, I've managed to kick drinking before it got too bad. I've only had one beer in the last week and it was in a social setting.
Before I was drinking at least a six pack or a half a fifth a night.
I'm still very depressed and most days are hard.
I'm still fighting the urges, but so far I haven't given in.
Today was hard, harder than most, but it's almost over an I'm still clean.
Before I was drinking at least a six pack or a half a fifth a night.
I'm still very depressed and most days are hard.
I'm still fighting the urges, but so far I haven't given in.
Today was hard, harder than most, but it's almost over an I'm still clean.
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