One Month Sober yet...
Embracing Joys of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Portland, Ore
Posts: 50
One Month Sober yet...
I have very mixed feelings :/
I thought I would arrive today joyous and proud of myself. Each day was a struggle but I made it.
Yet, three major negative events took place this week - in the past, I would have dived into Mr Bottle to avoid unpleasantness of my serious troubles. I woke up panicky and scared this morning and tried to focus on my being strong. Shame, guilt and self loathing has taken over me.
I know that drinking will not make these problems go away - I just pray that I can endure another month of sobriety yet facing these very serious problems.
For now, it will be a minute at a time. I know I am sorely tested and I refuse to fail!
I thought I would arrive today joyous and proud of myself. Each day was a struggle but I made it.
Yet, three major negative events took place this week - in the past, I would have dived into Mr Bottle to avoid unpleasantness of my serious troubles. I woke up panicky and scared this morning and tried to focus on my being strong. Shame, guilt and self loathing has taken over me.
I know that drinking will not make these problems go away - I just pray that I can endure another month of sobriety yet facing these very serious problems.
For now, it will be a minute at a time. I know I am sorely tested and I refuse to fail!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on a month Gem! Very glad to hear that you were able to face the problems around you and find alternate ways to deal with them, that's really what it's all about.
Regarding the way you are feeling, remember that many of us did have underlying issues that we needed to deal with. Praying, counseling, step work, self help, meditation and others are all tools to help us learn to cope with life. Are you doing anything to help yourself out in that area? Quitting drinking is a necessary first step - but in itself will not solve all of your problems.
Regarding the way you are feeling, remember that many of us did have underlying issues that we needed to deal with. Praying, counseling, step work, self help, meditation and others are all tools to help us learn to cope with life. Are you doing anything to help yourself out in that area? Quitting drinking is a necessary first step - but in itself will not solve all of your problems.
Embracing Joys of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Portland, Ore
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Congrats on a month Gem! Very glad to hear that you were able to face the problems around you and find alternate ways to deal with them, that's really what it's all about.
Regarding the way you are feeling, remember that many of us did have underlying issues that we needed to deal with. Praying, counseling, step work, self help, meditation and others are all tools to help us learn to cope with life. Are you doing anything to help yourself out in that area? Quitting drinking is a necessary first step - but in itself will not solve all of your problems.
Regarding the way you are feeling, remember that many of us did have underlying issues that we needed to deal with. Praying, counseling, step work, self help, meditation and others are all tools to help us learn to cope with life. Are you doing anything to help yourself out in that area? Quitting drinking is a necessary first step - but in itself will not solve all of your problems.
You are very correct. It is just that I am profoundly deaf and cannot access any AA, SMART or whatnot group meetings. No one knows the seriousness of my drinking problem (although I am sure some did but were too polite to say anything)so there is no one I can fully turn to.
I have attempted at meditation but my brain is too scattered just yet to stay at attention longer than a few minutes. I am still experiencing brain fog from this detoxing month.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
It takes a while to feel better but I saw that as a sign of the damage I did to myself and it helped scare me away from drinking more. I did relapse at two months three times. The brain fog was really bad for me, things started to turn around the six month mark. I just tried my hardest to keep my head down and make it through each day.
One year later and I'm feeling a lot better. The fog tended to leave in lessening waves that slowly dispersed, it would ease up and come back again so if that happens to you don't be alarmed and distraught by it (it can be unnerving) but know that it is the start of it going away.
One year later and I'm feeling a lot better. The fog tended to leave in lessening waves that slowly dispersed, it would ease up and come back again so if that happens to you don't be alarmed and distraught by it (it can be unnerving) but know that it is the start of it going away.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Hey Gem! I'm also "celebrating" a month today, and I know what you mean about mixed feelings. Speaking for myself, I know that as an alcoholic I'm prone to very black-and-white thinking and impatience. So mixed feelings and patience with the process of sobriety are both hard, but I hope we can both find and stay in the joy. Wishing you the best, friend! 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Gem, congratulations on a month of sobriety and the hard work you put into it. I'm sure it's a bit disappointing that you are still experiencing negative feelings. It can take a lot of hard work to get past the shame, guilt and self-loathing. You might find that a Gratitude Journal would help you.
Be very proud of how far you've come.
Be very proud of how far you've come.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Originally Posted by Gem010918
Thank you Scott.
You are very correct. It is just that I am profoundly deaf and cannot access any AA, SMART or whatnot group meetings. No one knows the seriousness of my drinking problem (although I am sure some did but were too polite to say anything)so there is no one I can fully turn to.
You are very correct. It is just that I am profoundly deaf and cannot access any AA, SMART or whatnot group meetings. No one knows the seriousness of my drinking problem (although I am sure some did but were too polite to say anything)so there is no one I can fully turn to.
Portland Deaf Access Committee
Congrats on your month
Whatever the problems are drinking is not a solution. Drinking is the anti- solution., It's a futile attempt to tolerate the intolerable.
Its a vote for doing nothing
D
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