Four sleepless nights sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
Four sleepless nights sober!
Hello everyone,
I am 96 hours into this journey of the unknown. I am unsure of so many things but the one thing I do know is that I can not keep living this way. I know what brought me here to this place but I had to make the decision within myself to fight for my life, fight for my happiness and not let these demons win. I know this will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have been through many hardships in my life but this right here is going to be hell.
My first drinking experience was when I was young because my mom was an alcoholic there was always an abundance of it in my possession if I wanted it. I saw what it turned my mother into Dr. Jekeyll and Hyde split personalities. I thought I was never going to drink and end up like her. I haven't quite reached her level of alcoholism but, if I don't quit all together I will be there as I continue to progress into drinking more and more.
I started drinking wine casually and then found myself drinking the whole bottle with no effect. I thought it was a good idea to add shots to the equation not a good idea at all. I then started to drink various hard liquors from vodka, rum, gin, whiskey a half pint here a half pint there. I always justified everything in my mind as to why drinking that much was okay. I started lying to myself and telling myself that hey you've been dealing with this or that you need to drink that drink it's going to help not hurt you! Lies, lies, lies all lies to keep you entrenched in the depression as the alcohol slowing starts taking you away from YOU!
I know what I want back within myself. I want my soul to not feel the heaviness, shame and burdens of my past life. I want to be able to start my day not feeling like a mack truck literally ran me over. I want to be able to share my love with those that I love but I can't because right now I don't love myself. I want to be feel the highs and lows of life and not think that I need alcohol to make me content. I want to be strong again.
I am thankful and grateful for the opportunity to share my feelings. This is just the beginning of a very long unknown and windy road but I am thankful and blessed to still be here.
I am 96 hours into this journey of the unknown. I am unsure of so many things but the one thing I do know is that I can not keep living this way. I know what brought me here to this place but I had to make the decision within myself to fight for my life, fight for my happiness and not let these demons win. I know this will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have been through many hardships in my life but this right here is going to be hell.
My first drinking experience was when I was young because my mom was an alcoholic there was always an abundance of it in my possession if I wanted it. I saw what it turned my mother into Dr. Jekeyll and Hyde split personalities. I thought I was never going to drink and end up like her. I haven't quite reached her level of alcoholism but, if I don't quit all together I will be there as I continue to progress into drinking more and more.
I started drinking wine casually and then found myself drinking the whole bottle with no effect. I thought it was a good idea to add shots to the equation not a good idea at all. I then started to drink various hard liquors from vodka, rum, gin, whiskey a half pint here a half pint there. I always justified everything in my mind as to why drinking that much was okay. I started lying to myself and telling myself that hey you've been dealing with this or that you need to drink that drink it's going to help not hurt you! Lies, lies, lies all lies to keep you entrenched in the depression as the alcohol slowing starts taking you away from YOU!
I know what I want back within myself. I want my soul to not feel the heaviness, shame and burdens of my past life. I want to be able to start my day not feeling like a mack truck literally ran me over. I want to be able to share my love with those that I love but I can't because right now I don't love myself. I want to be feel the highs and lows of life and not think that I need alcohol to make me content. I want to be strong again.
I am thankful and grateful for the opportunity to share my feelings. This is just the beginning of a very long unknown and windy road but I am thankful and blessed to still be here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 327
Welcome!
I'm early in my own journey so the only thing I'll mention is that it may seem like you feel worse before you feel better, but you will feel better.
There are reassurances all over the boards that the long term gains are worth the initial anxiety and fear of the unknown that exist in the early stages!
I'm early in my own journey so the only thing I'll mention is that it may seem like you feel worse before you feel better, but you will feel better.
There are reassurances all over the boards that the long term gains are worth the initial anxiety and fear of the unknown that exist in the early stages!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by J50 
Welcome!
I'm early in my own journey so the only thing I'll mention is that it may seem like you feel worse before you feel better, but you will feel better.
There are reassurances all over the boards that the long term gains are worth the initial anxiety and fear of the unknown that exist in the early stages!
I'm early in my own journey so the only thing I'll mention is that it may seem like you feel worse before you feel better, but you will feel better.
There are reassurances all over the boards that the long term gains are worth the initial anxiety and fear of the unknown that exist in the early stages!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Mavy. Well done on 4 days. 
You can do this. We're here for you. Please read as much as you can and post often. It will help you over the tough spots and reinforce your desire to quit. Tons of support and wisdom here.
You can do this. We're here for you. Please read as much as you can and post often. It will help you over the tough spots and reinforce your desire to quit. Tons of support and wisdom here.
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