sophiac3

So I’ve been on this site before... passively however and never posted to the forums. It’s been a while but I’m back and more determined than ever to get sober.

At 41, (in about a week), I’m well aware that it’s high-time to finally turn things around. I used to think I could ‘take a break’ from drinking and then regulate my drinking so it never became excessive.

What a joke.

I am now fully aware that I simply can’t touch the stuff anymore. I am an alcoholic. I have a disease and there’s no denying it anymore.

That said, I have so much to live for, which is the impetus for turning all of this around. I have a beautiful, smart and funny 2-year old daughter who is the light of my life, and a wonderful, caring, sweet and funny husband who is a recovered alcoholic (recent) himself.

No I didn’t drink through my pregnancy. Thank God I was able to refrain from that... but in the years since she was born, I have fallen back into old habits, slowly but surely.

I have felt myself destroying my health. I see the toll it’s taking and I am finally at my breaking point. I already hit my rock bottom. It is the paranoia that eats away at me every single day about whether or not I’ve already done too much damage to turn things around and am dying of some kind of liver, pancreatic or stomach cancer.

It is my torture and I am done.

Forever.

So, as resolved as I am to quit I am also scared. I live in NYC where bars and drinking are the norm. I will have to be able to get over temptations and stop making excuses.

A while back I was training for a marathon and developed severe plantar fasciiitis. That was when things really unraveled again. I was heartbroken that I couldn’t run.

I still can’t.

For whatever reason, the issue comes and goes and I know I can’t run anymore.

So I need to find something new - a new passion for something healthy. And I know I will. Just need to experiment a bit.

In the meantime, I’m happy to be here as a dedicated participant. I hope I can just get through the first few days of sobriety. Would love to meet some friends!

Thanks for reading!

time2shineagain

Hi Sophia and welcome.

Your post struck a chord with me as I also have a 2-year-old daughter (and an older son) who give me great motivation to quit. They are my world.

You've come to the right place...having this forum on my side has been a real game changer for me. I'm 25 days sober, so still early days, but I can already feel my life changing for the better.

I'm on my phone so I'll keep it short. Just wanted to say hi, welcome and keep posting. Hope to see you around
more ❤

sophiac3

You’ll see me around for sure! Thanks so much for the reply. It’s very nice to hear from someone who is in a similar position. Jealous of your 25 days. Looking forward to getting there soon and being jealous of your 50! Congrats. I cannot wait to feel better.

Dee74

Welcome to the group Sophiac3

I was 40 when I turned things around, with the help of SR - if I can do, anyone can

D

D122y

Soph,

My whole booze problem is deeper than I imagined.

I retired from the military at 37 and decided I was going to have my cake and eat it too

I had drug addict relatives and I was nothing like them. I was experiencing physical and mental symptoms but the addiction led me to ignore them.

I am pretty sure my pancreas was failing when I finally quit for good.

I made it out...so far.

Alky addiction is a disease of forgetting why I quit.

I come here to remember. I am still healing, but I am better everyday.

Unlike some folks w less or similar clean time still crave a bit periodically even though I was a blithering mess, mostly in my mind, for months after I quit.

Thanks.

Shebeens

Hi Sophia -
Welcome! I am on day 19 sober. I am doing this for me and my overall health - mental and physical. I am 50. My favorite thing to do was to end my day with a friend at one of many local restaurant bars with 2 or more glasses of wine..... usually continued when I arrived home. I realized after consuming a full bottle of wine 20 days ago I needed to get control of myself. I always thought I could drink a juice glass of wine and stop but it never happened.... I would add an ounce or two until the bottle was gone. I already battled cancer I think brought on from it, though one can never tell. I have started exercising more and now have some sort of injury I am seeing doctor for today. I still want wine every afternoon but have managed to eat my way past the desire. I’ve lost a couple of pounds which is nice too. Grocery bill higher but wine bill non existent. Good luck, you can do it!! I start my morning reading the posts on SR and end my night the same way....

ChloeRose63

Welcome, Sophia!
Glad you found us! Sounds like you have so much to live for and that you realize that alcohol will take that all away in a flash. You are so right to quit drinking now before it is too late. If you are really worried see your dr and then you can know what you may or may not be battling besides alcoholism. As for exercise, there is so many ways to get fit with an injury or disability. I have sever RA but, I bike, use an eliptical machine, practice yoga and use light free weights, too. I refuse to lose my battles because I am strong. Here at SR, together we are strong. Stay with us!

sophiac3

Thanks Dee! 😊

August252015

Welcome! I was 39 1/2 when I quit (it will be two years on Feb 21) and it was the absolute best thing I have ever done in my life - and I would have had about a year, 18 mo to live if I hadn't quit, which I finally HEARD from my dr.

Life can be absolutely different - and while Atlanta is not as big as NYC, it is certainly an eating and drinking out town, especially when you're an alcoholic. That perspective can definitely change as you get sober and live in recovery, and I have found SO many things to enjoy here that were not about drinking in any way.

My program is AA - there are others people can share their success with - and I'll say what I always do, that a plan of action is the central thing those of us in any length of recovery have in common.

The best things that have ever happened in my life have been since 2/21/16.

Best to you.

sophiac3

[QUOTE=ChloeRose63;6778750]Welcome, Sophia!
Glad you found us! Sounds like you have so much to live for and that you realize that alcohol will take that all away in a flash. You are so right to quit drinking now before it is too late. If you are really worried see your dr and then you can know what you may or may not be battling besides alcoholism. As for exercise, there is so many ways to get fit with an injury or disability. I have sever RA but, I bike, use an eliptical machine, practice yoga and use light free weights, too. I refuse to lose my battles because I am strong. Here at SR, together we are strong. Stay with us

I will! Thank you Chloe. I have an elliptical so I’m starting with that! 😊

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Sophia!

sophiac3

Thank you August! I am feeling quite good about doing this once and for all so I am sure things will start to feel easier!

sophiac3

Hi D122 -

First, thanks for your service.

Second, thanks for sharing your story. It is nice to have so many people to connect with that have gone through this as well! 😊

sophiac3

Happy to be here! Thanks Madbird!😊