Kipsley

Hi. I'm Kipsley from Australia. I'm a 51 year old male to female transgender. That's probably besides the point, but I'm here to lay it all out on the table as I need some advice.
I'm currently drinking a full bottle of Bourbon a day. I'm not drinking it all day but in the space of three hours (9pm to midnight) it'll be gone. I work full-time and I drive to work. I know I'm still drunk when I get up in the morning and that is scaring me. I have two states of being.... Drunk and feeling "disconnected". But I just can't seem to stop. I get to work and I have to really concentrate on walking properly. One time I even forgot to wear my bra. I didn't realize till around 2pm. A customer once asked me a question and I responded with garbled speech as I just could not get my brain to work. Today is my day off and I had a drink at lunchtime just to try to feel "normal". All I've been doing is laying on my bed with zero motivation. I'm not really concerned about my own health as I make the decision to drink every night and i know that one drink means the entire bottle, but it's the next day and that drive to work. If I am lucky an RBT will get me eventually, but I hate it when I see another car heading my way. I don't want my drinking to harm another and so I have to stop. I don't believe in "addiction" as such, but I do believe in "habits" and habits can be broken. I need some advise please on how to break my drinking habit. I've tried to be as honest as I can be and I have read the rules for this forum. I hope my post is appropriate. Thank you.

Dee74

double post

Dee74

Hi and welcome Kipsley - great to have you join us

UI struggkled to quit for a long tiem too but the support I dfound here really helped. I know we can help you too

Read around and post as much as you like - see what others are doing - you might even find a way that makes sense to you.

D

Stronger2017

Hi Kipsley👋 I quit five months ago and it was hard to break the cycle but once I did it has gotten progressively easier to stay stopped. It helped me posting to the September daily support thread. Maybe you can give the February one a try. I also started counseling when I quit which has been useful too. Best of luck🙂

sobermax

Hey Kipsley,

welcome!

Pretty much everyone here will completely understand where you are coming from.

Addiction / habit / drinking problem - call it whatever you like. Lots of people find ways to quit on their own terms. From your post it seems clear that you are worried about your behaviour, and understandably so.

SR is probably the best place you could be at the moment.

My best advice is to post here as much as you can, and read lots of others. There are some wise heads knocking about.

I managed to get sober in 2011 after a long period when I had all but given up on myself. It is entirely possible.

Please stop driving drunk.

Max

Kipsley

It's the drive to work in the morning that has me here. I saw an article in the local paper sometime ago. A mother was found to be over the limit while dropping her kids to school. At the time I though "What a stupid woman!" but now I have become that stupid woman and i now know how easily it can be done. A late night drinking too much, then up in the early morning feeling like crap but thinking it's just another hangover, not realizing you are still drunk. And so here I am.
I have tried to stop. I really have, but then I don't sleep and I'm biting my nails as I'm anxious all the time. All i can think of is "Just one drink and I'll feel better". And I do! But that one drinks leads to the whole bottle and I'm back where I started. I'm also finding I'm having some real cognitive issues. My typing is worse and slower, spelling mistakes more frequent. I have no motivation. Thank God I don't have kids as i am barely looking after myself. I need to stop but I don't know how. I like drinking. I like the "not giving a darn" when I am drunk and have a drink in my hand. So many times have I got out of my car at work promising myself this is the last time. I tell myself over and over to remember how crap I feel and embarrassed and .... But I'm sure you've heard it all before. I can't say I'm 2 days sober or 2 years sober. I'm still at ground zero and trying to stay afloat.

Finalround

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Biting your fingernails is a bad habit. You do it unknowingly. You have to choose to open the bottle and pour that drink. The craving is so strong that you feel you "need" it to function. That is addiction. I would also strongly suggest a medically assisted detox. You are showing all the signs of alcohol addiction. Post here and read. You are not alone in this. Rooting for you.

Kipsley

Then why do i feel like I can't do it?

entropy1964

Then why do i feel like I can't do it?

Because you are addicted. That is the nature of addiction...the cycle. The cognitive dissonance created between wanting so badly to stop, and not being able to.

Alcohol not only has a very powerful mental/psychological obsession, but it also has a powerful and potentially dangerous physical addiction. Your brain, and the regulation of stabilizing chemicals, becomes dependent on the use of alcohol. That's why you needed a drink at noon just to feel 'normal'.

You might consider a medical detox to help you get that first week under your belt.

Kipsley

Then I shall talk to my Doctor.

Anna

Welcome Kipsley,

I think most of us here don't think we can stop drinking. But, it can be done and you can do it. Talking to your dr is a good idea to start with because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

It's a good idea to have a plan as to how you will stop drinking and begin recovery.

This is a link with various recovery programs and information about how we did it:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

DarklingSong

Welcome Kipsley. Glad you found us. If you are really determined of course you can stop. You may need some help from the doctor (to withdraw safely) but it can be done. I hope you will stick around SR.
Best wishes.

Dee74

Posting here really made a difference for me kipsley. I lived here basically for a while. Everytime I wanted to drink I came here first...and I got through.

What was, at the beginning, a Herculean task got a little easier each time.

I have no special skills or anything - I'm just a normal guy who really wanted change.

If I can do it you can too

D

blueberry2015

Yes, do definately speak to your doctor x To quit, is hard I wont lie but its not impossible. With the right help and support you can lead a happy and fulfilling life without booze. One day at a time. Im nearly 27 months sober, and at the beginning I never ever thought I could live my life without booze. It was a scary, daunting prospect, so by breaking it down by not drinking, no matter what, just for today makes it less scary and daunting. You are not alone and you can quit too x x keep posting here, let us know what your doctor says x

least

Welcome to the family. It is hard at first but it gets easier, the longer you're sober. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Hevyn

Welcome, Kipsley! You found a great place for encouragement - we all understand just how you're feeling.

I know what you mean about becoming 'that person' - the one we were never going to allow ourselves to be. I swore I'd always have control, yet I ended up putting myself & others in danger many times. My life was on the line when I finally found SR - I was drinking all day so I wouldn't shake. I wasn't getting high or having fun - far from it. It was maintenance drinking. People at work were noticing - I was no longer able to fool anyone. It was such a relief to finally be free of it. You can do this!

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Kipsley. It was the physical effects of alcohol that really lit a fire in me to quit. You mention cognitive effects, which I think are equally scary. Definitely read and post around here; I'd also recommend the February 2018 class thread.