First AA meeting advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
First AA meeting advice
I have no idea what to expect. I've found one close to my home and it says its an "open" meeting. Did a drive-by at their noon meeting and saw a LOT of men walking in. I'm a nervous wreck and don't know what I'm going to walk into. A circle of chairs? Do I have to stand up and announce my name?
I know you can't tell me exactly what it will be like, but anything to help push me in the right direction would be appreciated.
I know you can't tell me exactly what it will be like, but anything to help push me in the right direction would be appreciated.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
My advice would be to try and not have any expectations at all - just go. It's an open meeting, meaning anyone is welcome. You won't need to say a word if you don't want to, you can just listen. You might feel that you want to say something after a while, but if you don't that's fine too.
It's perfectly normal to feel anxious about it... but you'll feel much better once you get there.
It's perfectly normal to feel anxious about it... but you'll feel much better once you get there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
An Open meeting means that both Alcoholics and people supporting Alcoholics (family and friends) are welcome to attend. Closed means it's Alcoholics only.
Every meeting I've been to (in the UK, but still much of a muchness I believe) has worked like this...
People walk in, help themselves to coffee if they want it, and go sit down (some rooms are set out in a circle, but not all. My home group is having to change from a circle to rows next week as there have been so many people come along theres not space for a circle any more.)
Usually people who're regulars will notice an unfamiliar face and go say hello, welcome, and explain what happens in the meeting if it turns out to be a newcomer.
Meeting starts and everyone sits and is quiet.
General AA meeting opening is read out.
Out of town visitors and newcomers are welcomed in general and given the opportunity to give the room their first name so folk can get better acquainted (but nobody HAS to speak if they prefer not to).
The meetings starts - there are different formats for the meetings, but the thing in common is we don't interrupt each other, and we don't cross-share (which means refer directly to what other people said when we speak - I found that hard to get used to as first, but now it feels very safe-making ).
All meetings pass the pot for a contribution to the costs of running a meeting. Newcomers are not expected to contribute in their first meeting.
Just try to remember that every single person in that room has been in your shoes at some stage, and will know how you feel. They are on your side.
BB
Every meeting I've been to (in the UK, but still much of a muchness I believe) has worked like this...
People walk in, help themselves to coffee if they want it, and go sit down (some rooms are set out in a circle, but not all. My home group is having to change from a circle to rows next week as there have been so many people come along theres not space for a circle any more.)
Usually people who're regulars will notice an unfamiliar face and go say hello, welcome, and explain what happens in the meeting if it turns out to be a newcomer.
Meeting starts and everyone sits and is quiet.
General AA meeting opening is read out.
Out of town visitors and newcomers are welcomed in general and given the opportunity to give the room their first name so folk can get better acquainted (but nobody HAS to speak if they prefer not to).
The meetings starts - there are different formats for the meetings, but the thing in common is we don't interrupt each other, and we don't cross-share (which means refer directly to what other people said when we speak - I found that hard to get used to as first, but now it feels very safe-making ).
All meetings pass the pot for a contribution to the costs of running a meeting. Newcomers are not expected to contribute in their first meeting.
Just try to remember that every single person in that room has been in your shoes at some stage, and will know how you feel. They are on your side.
BB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
If the whole 'man' thing concerns you, you can find a women's meeting. I go to both. I believe there are more male alchies than female so it would hold true that the meetings might have more men. Don't let it get to ya tho.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Thanks Berrybean that helps A LOT! I'm just super nervous and have a sick feeling. I finally told my husband I want to quit today, and he was so nice about it. Said he'll support whatever and however I want to do it. So I'm def doing this! Let you know how it went later.....
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Fitdrinker-
I went to my first AA meeting two weeks ago. It went almost exactly like BB described. It was an “open discussion” meeting. I walked in five min before the start and just sat. Everyone was kind and saying hello. When they asked if there was any newcomers I said hello and said my first name. It was great I e been back every night.
Yesterday I tried a closed women’s literature meeting. That was only a little different. We sat in a circle, introduced ourselves, and took turns reading. Some people said “pass” when asked to speak. I also enjoyed this meeting and am going to go again next Saturday.
Just walk in and sit down, you’ll be glad you did.
I went to my first AA meeting two weeks ago. It went almost exactly like BB described. It was an “open discussion” meeting. I walked in five min before the start and just sat. Everyone was kind and saying hello. When they asked if there was any newcomers I said hello and said my first name. It was great I e been back every night.
Yesterday I tried a closed women’s literature meeting. That was only a little different. We sat in a circle, introduced ourselves, and took turns reading. Some people said “pass” when asked to speak. I also enjoyed this meeting and am going to go again next Saturday.
Just walk in and sit down, you’ll be glad you did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 68
I'm also in the UK. I imagine it's probably similar where you are though.
When I tried going to a meeting, I rang the general helpline number first and they arranged for someone to give me a ring and chat on the phone a bit to let me know what to expect and answer my questions. They offered to meet me beforehand and go in with me if I wanted.
I don't know how that would work where you are. Looking online there are contact details for the Tampa area office. I can't post a link but it's the Tri-County Central Office - Alcoholics Anonymous - Tampa contact page. If you wanted it, I'm sure they would be able to offer you some information and support in going to your first meeting, or could put you in touch with someone who could.
I chose to go alone, but they'd suggested that when I arrive I go up to the person making the tea and tell them it was my first meeting. I did that and they got someone to come and greet me and get me settled in, which helped.
In my case, I chose a closed meeting and one that was for women only. That was my situation and preference though. I don't know your background or what you would prefer.
I'm quite an anxious person so I wouldn't just turn up at a meeting. I prefer to know what to expect. Everyone is different and I have no idea what approach is best for you so I'm not trying to push you to do anything. I just wanted to mention that there may be the chance to talk to someone locally beforehand and there may be different types of meetings available to you if you wanted to look into that.
However you decide to approach it, good luck!
When I tried going to a meeting, I rang the general helpline number first and they arranged for someone to give me a ring and chat on the phone a bit to let me know what to expect and answer my questions. They offered to meet me beforehand and go in with me if I wanted.
I don't know how that would work where you are. Looking online there are contact details for the Tampa area office. I can't post a link but it's the Tri-County Central Office - Alcoholics Anonymous - Tampa contact page. If you wanted it, I'm sure they would be able to offer you some information and support in going to your first meeting, or could put you in touch with someone who could.
I chose to go alone, but they'd suggested that when I arrive I go up to the person making the tea and tell them it was my first meeting. I did that and they got someone to come and greet me and get me settled in, which helped.
In my case, I chose a closed meeting and one that was for women only. That was my situation and preference though. I don't know your background or what you would prefer.
I'm quite an anxious person so I wouldn't just turn up at a meeting. I prefer to know what to expect. Everyone is different and I have no idea what approach is best for you so I'm not trying to push you to do anything. I just wanted to mention that there may be the chance to talk to someone locally beforehand and there may be different types of meetings available to you if you wanted to look into that.
However you decide to approach it, good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Anna 
I hope it goes well for you.
Let us know how you get on.
BB
PS I cried in my first few meetings just out of sheer relief of finding a group of people who all seemed to know how I thought and felt (that was such a novelty), and tears in the early days aren't all that uncommon. It might be worth taking a pack of hankies just in case.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Yeah, if you are truly apprehensive you could go to the "Intergroup" site of your area, call the hotline, tell the volunteer answering you want to attend XXX meeting and want someone you can talk to first before just showing up.
You don't have to identify yourself at all, and of the many hundreds of meetings I've attended, it's exceedingly uncommon to have someone called upon to share. At the beginning of most meetings, there is a call to ask if anyone who is attending their very first AA meeting to introduce themselves by their first name. You'll get a hug, and maybe a chip if you do. Maybe a local meeting list and a list of personal phone numbers to call, depending on the local group's protocol.
In my home group, when a newcomer arrives - and admits to it - we quietly pass around a schedule of all the area meetings amongst us and it has a place for those present to write down our phone numbers to give him, with an invitation to call us.
I've given out my number to newcomers on that brochure many, many times. I can't think of a single time anyone has called. I'd love it if someone did, and would immediately set aside anything I was doing to have that conversation. Anyway . . . if you're given phone numbers, it's because we are willing to take that call, and hopeful you'll do it.
Just realize every single one of us have been where you are - or even lower than you could possibly imagine. You'll find acceptance in our fellowship. Please come join us.
You don't have to identify yourself at all, and of the many hundreds of meetings I've attended, it's exceedingly uncommon to have someone called upon to share. At the beginning of most meetings, there is a call to ask if anyone who is attending their very first AA meeting to introduce themselves by their first name. You'll get a hug, and maybe a chip if you do. Maybe a local meeting list and a list of personal phone numbers to call, depending on the local group's protocol.
In my home group, when a newcomer arrives - and admits to it - we quietly pass around a schedule of all the area meetings amongst us and it has a place for those present to write down our phone numbers to give him, with an invitation to call us.
I've given out my number to newcomers on that brochure many, many times. I can't think of a single time anyone has called. I'd love it if someone did, and would immediately set aside anything I was doing to have that conversation. Anyway . . . if you're given phone numbers, it's because we are willing to take that call, and hopeful you'll do it.
Just realize every single one of us have been where you are - or even lower than you could possibly imagine. You'll find acceptance in our fellowship. Please come join us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I live in Tampa and have been to a ton of meetings. Tampa has a wide variety of meetings so you have many options. There are all men's groups, all women's groups, young people groups, etc. The seating arrangement varies, but most I went to has a long table somewhere in the middle or front of the room, with chairs all around the table or chairs in the back of the room. Most meetings have people say, hi I am ....... and I'm an alcoholic, but many people just say their name and that's fine. Open meetings are pretty laid back cause there are many people there just checking things out. Speakers meetings are great for beginners cause you don't have to say anything. Just sit, get a cookie and coffee if you want and take a seat. If you live anywhere near Hyde Park, I strongly recommend the You Are Not Alone Club (YANA). Nice people, many different types of meetings. Some people talk a lot, others just sit and listen. Nobody seems to care much. There's another place in the in the Soho area that is nothing but speaker meetings. Easy to just blend in. Very non-threatening. Just listen to the speaker. Good Luck. John
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Forgot to mention that the women in these groups are great watching out for each other, especially new members. A few times, after a meeting I tried talking to a women about something they shared at the meeting (not hitting on them). Before I knew it, we were surrounded by other women making sure the women I was talking to was not being taken advantage of LMAO. One time, this woman actually physically knocked me out of the group!! I got the message and left. I am about as harmless as they come, so don't worry about any man bothering you. Won't happen. John
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I live in Tampa and have been to a ton of meetings. Tampa has a wide variety of meetings so you have many options. There are all men's groups, all women's groups, young people groups, etc. The seating arrangement varies, but most I went to has a long table somewhere in the middle or front of the room, with chairs all around the table or chairs in the back of the room. Most meetings have people say, hi I am ....... and I'm an alcoholic, but many people just say their name and that's fine. Open meetings are pretty laid back cause there are many people there just checking things out. Speakers meetings are great for beginners cause you don't have to say anything. Just sit, get a cookie and coffee if you want and take a seat. If you live anywhere near Hyde Park, I strongly recommend the You Are Not Alone Club (YANA). Nice people, many different types of meetings. Some people talk a lot, others just sit and listen. Nobody seems to care much. There's another place in the in the Soho area that is nothing but speaker meetings. Easy to just blend in. Very non-threatening. Just listen to the speaker. Good Luck. John
The time is perfect for me b/c 545 at night is my witching hour. It's when I'm alone and get anxious. If nothing else, I'll use these meetings to help get me to a stronger place. I finally told my husband and he said he'll stop drinking with me and supports whatever I need to do.
Thanks to everyone who replied. I'm going back tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Yay, glad to hear the meeting was okay and you’re going back tomorrow. In one of my first meeting a man said “just come to a lot of meetings and don’t get drunk in between”. That seemed to stick with me. I keep my next meeting planned and know I won’t drink until then. It seems to ease my cravings.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
It's recommended that people read the Big Book, especially the first 164 pages. It's free to read online via the AA websites. If you have a Kindle you can get a copy for that as well.
You will hear 'God' alluded to a lot. Now for some folk (like myself) this may be a Christian God, but for many (most even) it is a Higher Power of their own understanding. The idea being that as alcoholics we tend to try to play God ourselves, and our controlling nature can be a great source of frustration and misery to us. Acceptance of things we cannot control can help us find an inner peace that many of us chased through our drinking, but which we never managed to get closer to than a dose of boozy "@#%# it"s. Recovery is like a shift in perception. For example, on the outside my work life might look pretty similar to what it was while I still drank, but I can say in all honesty, it feels completely different on the inside.
There are some great recordings (pretty old now, but then, so is the Big book) that help understanding of the Big Book, made by a couple of guys called Joe and Charlie. A Google search of 'Joe and Charlie Big Book' will bring up loads of hits... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h-oIjg6UnkA
One other thing you might have noticed as you looked at the list of steps on the wall, is that only Step 1 even mentions alcohol. And thats because stopping drinking is just the first thing. After that, recovery is about learning to Live sober and finding serenity and inner peace. The 12-step program has been used my all kinds of rehabilitation facilities for all kinds of issues. It's pretty amazing how many people have been helped by 12-step programs really.
BB
You will hear 'God' alluded to a lot. Now for some folk (like myself) this may be a Christian God, but for many (most even) it is a Higher Power of their own understanding. The idea being that as alcoholics we tend to try to play God ourselves, and our controlling nature can be a great source of frustration and misery to us. Acceptance of things we cannot control can help us find an inner peace that many of us chased through our drinking, but which we never managed to get closer to than a dose of boozy "@#%# it"s. Recovery is like a shift in perception. For example, on the outside my work life might look pretty similar to what it was while I still drank, but I can say in all honesty, it feels completely different on the inside.
There are some great recordings (pretty old now, but then, so is the Big book) that help understanding of the Big Book, made by a couple of guys called Joe and Charlie. A Google search of 'Joe and Charlie Big Book' will bring up loads of hits... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h-oIjg6UnkA
One other thing you might have noticed as you looked at the list of steps on the wall, is that only Step 1 even mentions alcohol. And thats because stopping drinking is just the first thing. After that, recovery is about learning to Live sober and finding serenity and inner peace. The 12-step program has been used my all kinds of rehabilitation facilities for all kinds of issues. It's pretty amazing how many people have been helped by 12-step programs really.
BB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Offthemast
Any recommendations on where to start in big book? Just read it all?
Glad the meeting went well! I am almost two years sober (21st) and I just sat in meetings for the first 90-100 days- I am a very outgoing person overall but I was not comfortable speaking. Still remember the first time I did- turns out it was a-ok but I had to do it in my time. My suggestion from experience is to resist feeling pressured to speak up or share.
I did not get a sponsor til 97 days, though most people do much sooner. It laid an active foundation (rather than just ingesting info) for how to build a life in recovery.
There is SO much to learn and it is a bit overwhelming IME to hear acronyms and this and that ("program talk") but it can become clear and even natural as you go along.
If no one has suggested it to you - a typical suggestion of 90 mtgs in 90 days (that 545 you like would be perfect to make a habit of!) is made because it's a learning time - and three months is an important marker of change "sticking."
Hope to see you around here and letting us know how it is going!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 19
I was nervous at first but every meeting I go to i put my hand up. You don't have to. I now only attend women's meetings. Nothing happened to me I just found a weekly women's meeting that i really like. I only found it because I went to a bunch of different meetings and met people that told me about the one I go to now. Try a bunch of different ones. If you say your new the women will support you after the meeting. Just get in the chair. Good luck
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