First AA meeting advice
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
FD, you raised some very good questions about the big book, steps and sponsors. You must have been paying very close attention. Because meetings are such random affairs, your questions will take a long time to get answered just by going to meetings, and if you are like me, you may not have all that much time to find out the facts.
There is much more to the program and a certain amount of information and facts we need to lay our hands on as soon as possible in order that we learn what action to take to stay sober. Going to meetings and not drinking is not effective for alcoholics of my type. We need more.
The fastest way to find out about that is to find someone in the meeting who has recovered by taking all 12 steps, to explain it all. The best time I ever invested was in just such an activity, one sunday afternoon a recovered alcoholic answered all my questions and was my goto guy for the first few weeks until I found my feet and began working with a sponsor.
I knew from that point that AA was not absorbed through the seats in the meetings. It involved working some steps, helping others and helping with the meetings. Saved me a lot of relapses I am sure, that result for following advice that I need not worry about the steps, just don't drink and go to meetings. If I could have done the don't drink part, what would I need AA for?
It seems for me there was a window of opportunity of no more than three weeks. some folks get years. This is the period of grace I got to get busy in the program. Until I did that, 3 weeks was the maximum I could stay sober. When I sincerely began seeking the solution in the big book, I stopped drinking. That wasn't me being strong, and I didn't even realise at the time, but I found myself having gone three months with no serious urge to drink. The problem was removed, almost in spite of me - I was breaking most of the rehab generated rules.
As to reading the big book, it ought to be treated like a text book. I made the mistake of reading it like a novel the first time. Start at the title page "The story of how many thousands of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism" The first pages give a lot of useful back ground information. Then there is some medical opinion followed by the story of Bill, one of the founders. Then there is a detailed description of alcoholism as we experienced it, and an outline of the solution.
That gets you upt to page 63. Then there are 21 pages of detailed direction on the steps to take to recover. By taking the action described from page 63 onward, we will find we have recovered by page 84. A sponsor is most definitely helpful in getting through this work.
84-63 = 21 pages. Not onerous at all. A very simple program. There is lots of good stuff after that, and many personal stories with which you may identify.
Hope that is some help.
There is much more to the program and a certain amount of information and facts we need to lay our hands on as soon as possible in order that we learn what action to take to stay sober. Going to meetings and not drinking is not effective for alcoholics of my type. We need more.
The fastest way to find out about that is to find someone in the meeting who has recovered by taking all 12 steps, to explain it all. The best time I ever invested was in just such an activity, one sunday afternoon a recovered alcoholic answered all my questions and was my goto guy for the first few weeks until I found my feet and began working with a sponsor.
I knew from that point that AA was not absorbed through the seats in the meetings. It involved working some steps, helping others and helping with the meetings. Saved me a lot of relapses I am sure, that result for following advice that I need not worry about the steps, just don't drink and go to meetings. If I could have done the don't drink part, what would I need AA for?
It seems for me there was a window of opportunity of no more than three weeks. some folks get years. This is the period of grace I got to get busy in the program. Until I did that, 3 weeks was the maximum I could stay sober. When I sincerely began seeking the solution in the big book, I stopped drinking. That wasn't me being strong, and I didn't even realise at the time, but I found myself having gone three months with no serious urge to drink. The problem was removed, almost in spite of me - I was breaking most of the rehab generated rules.
As to reading the big book, it ought to be treated like a text book. I made the mistake of reading it like a novel the first time. Start at the title page "The story of how many thousands of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism" The first pages give a lot of useful back ground information. Then there is some medical opinion followed by the story of Bill, one of the founders. Then there is a detailed description of alcoholism as we experienced it, and an outline of the solution.
That gets you upt to page 63. Then there are 21 pages of detailed direction on the steps to take to recover. By taking the action described from page 63 onward, we will find we have recovered by page 84. A sponsor is most definitely helpful in getting through this work.
84-63 = 21 pages. Not onerous at all. A very simple program. There is lots of good stuff after that, and many personal stories with which you may identify.
Hope that is some help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
FD, you raised some very good questions about the big book, steps and sponsors. You must have been paying very close attention. Because meetings are such random affairs, your questions will take a long time to get answered just by going to meetings, and if you are like me, you may not have all that much time to find out the facts.
There is much more to the program and a certain amount of information and facts we need to lay our hands on as soon as possible in order that we learn what action to take to stay sober. Going to meetings and not drinking is not effective for alcoholics of my type. We need more.
The fastest way to find out about that is to find someone in the meeting who has recovered by taking all 12 steps, to explain it all. The best time I ever invested was in just such an activity, one sunday afternoon a recovered alcoholic answered all my questions and was my goto guy for the first few weeks until I found my feet and began working with a sponsor.
I knew from that point that AA was not absorbed through the seats in the meetings. It involved working some steps, helping others and helping with the meetings. Saved me a lot of relapses I am sure, that result for following advice that I need not worry about the steps, just don't drink and go to meetings. If I could have done the don't drink part, what would I need AA for?
It seems for me there was a window of opportunity of no more than three weeks. some folks get years. This is the period of grace I got to get busy in the program. Until I did that, 3 weeks was the maximum I could stay sober. When I sincerely began seeking the solution in the big book, I stopped drinking. That wasn't me being strong, and I didn't even realise at the time, but I found myself having gone three months with no serious urge to drink. The problem was removed, almost in spite of me - I was breaking most of the rehab generated rules.
As to reading the big book, it ought to be treated like a text book. I made the mistake of reading it like a novel the first time. Start at the title page "The story of how many thousands of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism" The first pages give a lot of useful back ground information. Then there is some medical opinion followed by the story of Bill, one of the founders. Then there is a detailed description of alcoholism as we experienced it, and an outline of the solution.
That gets you upt to page 63. Then there are 21 pages of detailed direction on the steps to take to recover. By taking the action described from page 63 onward, we will find we have recovered by page 84. A sponsor is most definitely helpful in getting through this work.
84-63 = 21 pages. Not onerous at all. A very simple program. There is lots of good stuff after that, and many personal stories with which you may identify.
Hope that is some help.
There is much more to the program and a certain amount of information and facts we need to lay our hands on as soon as possible in order that we learn what action to take to stay sober. Going to meetings and not drinking is not effective for alcoholics of my type. We need more.
The fastest way to find out about that is to find someone in the meeting who has recovered by taking all 12 steps, to explain it all. The best time I ever invested was in just such an activity, one sunday afternoon a recovered alcoholic answered all my questions and was my goto guy for the first few weeks until I found my feet and began working with a sponsor.
I knew from that point that AA was not absorbed through the seats in the meetings. It involved working some steps, helping others and helping with the meetings. Saved me a lot of relapses I am sure, that result for following advice that I need not worry about the steps, just don't drink and go to meetings. If I could have done the don't drink part, what would I need AA for?
It seems for me there was a window of opportunity of no more than three weeks. some folks get years. This is the period of grace I got to get busy in the program. Until I did that, 3 weeks was the maximum I could stay sober. When I sincerely began seeking the solution in the big book, I stopped drinking. That wasn't me being strong, and I didn't even realise at the time, but I found myself having gone three months with no serious urge to drink. The problem was removed, almost in spite of me - I was breaking most of the rehab generated rules.
As to reading the big book, it ought to be treated like a text book. I made the mistake of reading it like a novel the first time. Start at the title page "The story of how many thousands of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism" The first pages give a lot of useful back ground information. Then there is some medical opinion followed by the story of Bill, one of the founders. Then there is a detailed description of alcoholism as we experienced it, and an outline of the solution.
That gets you upt to page 63. Then there are 21 pages of detailed direction on the steps to take to recover. By taking the action described from page 63 onward, we will find we have recovered by page 84. A sponsor is most definitely helpful in getting through this work.
84-63 = 21 pages. Not onerous at all. A very simple program. There is lots of good stuff after that, and many personal stories with which you may identify.
Hope that is some help.
There was a man last night who said that recovery isn't just about not drinking. It's EMOTIONAL recovery that will keep you from drinking. This was pretty powerful to me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Originally Posted by FitDrinker
There was a man last night who said that recovery isn't just about not drinking. It's EMOTIONAL recovery that will keep you from drinking. This was pretty powerful to me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
FitDrinker. What a coincidence you ended up at the 5:45 meeting. That's the one I used to go to. It's really a great group of people. The noon meeting is pretty good too. I think a lot of people go there during their lunch hour. Like I said, I've been to a lot of meetings in the Tampa area. YANA was probably one of the least religious one's I found. One of the reasons I liked and stayed with it. I also sat in the back too. Less intimidating and it seemed most of the new people sat back there too. Also, the women there are very protective of each other. Once tried to talk to a women after a meeting to let her know about the women's shelter across the street cause she shared about not having a place to go. Two other women quickly showed up and pretty much drowned me out. It worked out though and I stood my ground and was eventually able to give her the info. There's an older women there who sits at the big table. She's really cool and might eventually be a great resource for you. Her story is amazing. John
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Great going Fitdrinker! When you go back I'd recommend that you say that you are new. It will be the best thing for everyone in the meeting. If you can, I'd give a little bit of background on yourself if you can muster the courage to do so. It might help others to say things that could be more helpful to you. I've been going to meetings for many years and I try to adjust what I say in order to be as helpful as possible. The better I know what people are going through the more helpful I hope to be.
Don't worry about the god talk. I bothered me a lot in the beginning till I learned that god could mean group of drunks or good orderly direction etc. Just try to stay open minded. You don't need to adopt any particular conception of what god is or is not.
I have a good feeling about your prospects.
All the best to you.
Don't worry about the god talk. I bothered me a lot in the beginning till I learned that god could mean group of drunks or good orderly direction etc. Just try to stay open minded. You don't need to adopt any particular conception of what god is or is not.
I have a good feeling about your prospects.
All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
So last night my schedule fell apart a bit so instead of the AA meeting, I went to Hot Yoga. It was awesome! I felt incredible afterwards. But tonight, I'm back at the same AA meeting I went to on day 1.
Day 3 and feeling pretty strong! I'm going to update here to keep it all in the same thread.
Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts!
Day 3 and feeling pretty strong! I'm going to update here to keep it all in the same thread.
Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Last night I went to my SECOND AA meeting. I sat in my car and waited EXACTLY till 545 to walk in. I'm not great at small talk and was still nervous. I sat more toward the front and let them know I was "new". This meeting had more women than men and they all gave me their numbers. I loved their stories and afterward they were all very kind.
I'm not going to lie. I keep telling myself "I'm not as bad as these stories." I even asked one of the ladies, "If I'm here that means I have a problem, right?"
I guess I'm not in this 100%. I can admit that. Just don't know what to do about it? I'm either going to another meeting tonight, or spin class.
Thanks for listening....
I'm not going to lie. I keep telling myself "I'm not as bad as these stories." I even asked one of the ladies, "If I'm here that means I have a problem, right?"
I guess I'm not in this 100%. I can admit that. Just don't know what to do about it? I'm either going to another meeting tonight, or spin class.
Thanks for listening....
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Good for you FitDrinker. It can be very difficult to share in the beginning. Just one little bit of advice. When listening to other people share look for the similarities rather than the differences. This can be difficult to do at first but there is real value in it.
I'm very encouraged by your honesty. It will serve you well.
I'm very encouraged by your honesty. It will serve you well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I keep telling myself "I'm not as bad as these stories."
quite common to compare the stories.
now start listening to the thinking and try to relate.
i wouldnt be surprised if that is quite similar to your thinkin.
have you been reading the big book? theres some very good personal stories in the back. heres the prelude to the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
also, use them numbers. call them even if just to say hi. even pose this to them- tell them just what you said here. step out of your comfort zone- they gave yoou there numbers because they want to help you recover.
quite common to compare the stories.
now start listening to the thinking and try to relate.
i wouldnt be surprised if that is quite similar to your thinkin.
have you been reading the big book? theres some very good personal stories in the back. heres the prelude to the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
also, use them numbers. call them even if just to say hi. even pose this to them- tell them just what you said here. step out of your comfort zone- they gave yoou there numbers because they want to help you recover.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by FitDrinker
Thank you Mike. I'm going to google the big book now, and stay home this morning and just read.
There was a man last night who said that recovery isn't just about not drinking. It's EMOTIONAL recovery that will keep you from drinking. This was pretty powerful to me.
There was a man last night who said that recovery isn't just about not drinking. It's EMOTIONAL recovery that will keep you from drinking. This was pretty powerful to me.
My husband (also in recovery) and I talk about "Emotional Sobriety" ALL the time. It's the key to physical sobriety, it's the key to everything good in our individual and collective lives. If I am keeping even and emotionally sober - the BB would describe this as in "fit spiritual condition"- then I am as far away from drunkenness of any kind that I can be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by tomsteve
I keep telling myself "I'm not as bad as these stories."
quite common to compare the stories.
now start listening to the thinking and try to relate.
i wouldnt be surprised if that is quite similar to your thinkin.
have you been reading the big book? theres some very good personal stories in the back. heres the prelude to the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
also, use them numbers. call them even if just to say hi. even pose this to them- tell them just what you said here. step out of your comfort zone- they gave yoou there numbers because they want to help you recover.
quite common to compare the stories.
now start listening to the thinking and try to relate.
i wouldnt be surprised if that is quite similar to your thinkin.
have you been reading the big book? theres some very good personal stories in the back. heres the prelude to the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
also, use them numbers. call them even if just to say hi. even pose this to them- tell them just what you said here. step out of your comfort zone- they gave yoou there numbers because they want to help you recover.
I just googled the part of the BB that you mentioned and I'm grateful to be reading it. It's obviously something that I need to read right now, when I'm struggling. Struggling to admit that maybe I am an alcoholic. Or at least at the door step.
Here's Part 2 that you were talking about if anyone else would like to read it:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_b...ies_partII.pdf
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good on ya for gettin into the BB and reading!
Struggling to admit that maybe I am an alcoholic. Or at least at the door step.
an awesome thing about that, FD- it isnt necessary to admit youre an alcoholic at this time.
IF you want to work the steps, which i truly hope ya do, the very first step ONLY says
admitted we were powerless over alcohol..........
doesnt say we admitted we were alcoholics, which seems many admitted that long before seeking help.
however, you may want to read the chapters "the doctors opinion", "there is a solution", and "more about alcoholism."
myself i was completely amazed that a book published 29 years before i was born described me pretty darn good, and not describing the drinkin thing, but the thinkin thing.
its like they knew id be comin along some day.
p.s.
my posts may not read all warm and fuzzy, but they come from a good place.
Struggling to admit that maybe I am an alcoholic. Or at least at the door step.
an awesome thing about that, FD- it isnt necessary to admit youre an alcoholic at this time.
IF you want to work the steps, which i truly hope ya do, the very first step ONLY says
admitted we were powerless over alcohol..........
doesnt say we admitted we were alcoholics, which seems many admitted that long before seeking help.
however, you may want to read the chapters "the doctors opinion", "there is a solution", and "more about alcoholism."
myself i was completely amazed that a book published 29 years before i was born described me pretty darn good, and not describing the drinkin thing, but the thinkin thing.
its like they knew id be comin along some day.
p.s.
my posts may not read all warm and fuzzy, but they come from a good place.
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