Super Bowl party
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 14
Super Bowl party
So, last night was my first sober super bowl. I was at a small (3 couples) party and things were going ok for a while but then the loudness of the group (one guy in particular is very boisterous) and just the general action just started to get to me. By halftime, all I wanted to do was leave. In the past, by then I would have been drunk enough that the overwhelming nature of that gathering (most gatherings?) would not have bothered me. I made it to the end of the game (barely) and got out of there as fast as I could.
This was one of the reasons that I used to drink, because I am so easily overwhelmed by noise and action and lots of people in the same room. What do I do? Can I not go to events like this anymore? I feel like a failure because I can't go to simple gatherings without feeling like I'm going to explode. I feel like my friends think I'm not '"fun" anymore. I kept leaving the room and stepping outside for air because I felt like I was going to suffocate in all of that noise.
Hard night....
4Thorns
This was one of the reasons that I used to drink, because I am so easily overwhelmed by noise and action and lots of people in the same room. What do I do? Can I not go to events like this anymore? I feel like a failure because I can't go to simple gatherings without feeling like I'm going to explode. I feel like my friends think I'm not '"fun" anymore. I kept leaving the room and stepping outside for air because I felt like I was going to suffocate in all of that noise.
Hard night....
4Thorns
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by 4Thorns 
SWhat do I do? Can I not go to events like this anymore?
But let me ask you a question. It seems as if these types of situations, where you are "easily overwhelmed by noise and action and lots of people in the same room," don't sound that enjoyable. Why would you want to attend something that isn't enjoyable?
There are things I like to do, things I don't. I don't put myself in situations I don't enjoy. Perhaps sobriety will give you the strength to say "No" to the things that make you uncomfortable.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey you made it through....congrats. It sounds like the others were drinking, maybe the loud guy more than the others. You get to see how obnoxious alcohol can make people....
Its ok not to enjoy these kinds of events. I've learned to honor my more introverted side. I'm not shy per se but I don't like loud and crowded. I get exhausted by people and can only take small amounts of the 'party' environment. I have to leave to recharge my batteries. That's ok. And I don't have to be a lemming and drink alcohol just because it allows me to tolerate the obnoxious. Doesn't really make much sense does it?
You're very early days. Hang in there.
Its ok not to enjoy these kinds of events. I've learned to honor my more introverted side. I'm not shy per se but I don't like loud and crowded. I get exhausted by people and can only take small amounts of the 'party' environment. I have to leave to recharge my batteries. That's ok. And I don't have to be a lemming and drink alcohol just because it allows me to tolerate the obnoxious. Doesn't really make much sense does it?
You're very early days. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
4Thorns,
I had a friend that was more of a using friend than anything, as much as I miss her friendship at the moment, and would love to get the kids together, she is a huge trigger for me because we used to drink together all the time. She lives 4 houses away from me, so I could simply go there at any time.
I chose to end that relationship (I hope not forever, just until I am more equipped to handle all of their drinkings and not be tempted) as I am just not in a good place to be around all the drinking she and her husband do. Once I feel better about the situation and time has passed there will be 2 options:
1. I am able to hang out with her
2. I am not able to because my life has just taken a different course in life.
I also could give 2 shi*s, what other people think of my not drinking as this is for me, not them.
I reevaluated ALL my friends, and I was left with 1. Which I am totally fine with because it is a real friendship
I will add, you probably lasted longer than myself at the party. The second I am uncomfortable, I am out.
Do what feels right for you and makes you happy and please know that your sobriety is #1, if it falls below that there is a chance for relapse.
I had a friend that was more of a using friend than anything, as much as I miss her friendship at the moment, and would love to get the kids together, she is a huge trigger for me because we used to drink together all the time. She lives 4 houses away from me, so I could simply go there at any time.
I chose to end that relationship (I hope not forever, just until I am more equipped to handle all of their drinkings and not be tempted) as I am just not in a good place to be around all the drinking she and her husband do. Once I feel better about the situation and time has passed there will be 2 options:
1. I am able to hang out with her
2. I am not able to because my life has just taken a different course in life.
I also could give 2 shi*s, what other people think of my not drinking as this is for me, not them.
I reevaluated ALL my friends, and I was left with 1. Which I am totally fine with because it is a real friendship
I will add, you probably lasted longer than myself at the party. The second I am uncomfortable, I am out.
Do what feels right for you and makes you happy and please know that your sobriety is #1, if it falls below that there is a chance for relapse.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 16
I had a similar experience. Huge party, no drinking for me. Everyone was annoying me! Kids running rampant, adults swearing up a storm, some fueled by booze. But I held strong, made it through, and went right home after. Not the easiest, but we did it! I'm hoping that I can just become a more relaxed, breezy person who doesn't let this stuff bug me.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I learned in sobriety that I just don't do well in situations like that. When I was drinking I'd liquor up before I even got to parties, just so I could stand it. Pretty sad, if you think about it. I thought I "had to" like parties, because what loser doesn't like parties, right? Well, I don't really like parties. And that's ok. It doesn't make me a loser. I still go to the occasional party, if it's important, but I always have a plan to leave when I get uncomfortable. Why should I force myself to do something I don't really like? It's not even about feeling pressure to drink, because I don't feel that pressure anymore. I feel very little guilt in declining invitations now, because in sobriety, I really don't care that much what other people think of me. It's very liberating to just do what is right for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 90
I am an extrovert with social anxiety. I have used alcohol forever to calm the anxiety. I need people but can't stand people. 
We had the Superbowl here yesterday. Everyone was out seeing all the activities - I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I know I would be so overwhelmed.
We had the Superbowl here yesterday. Everyone was out seeing all the activities - I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I know I would be so overwhelmed.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
I don;t think you're a failure at all - but you'll get better at socialising sober
I did actually stay away from parties for a while. Instead I did other less stressful things like coffee dates, movies, catching up at a cafe, picnics...anything that didn't have alcohol, as its focus.
Eventually I developed my 'sober muscles'.
I can go anywhere and do anything now, but I had to work up to that.
Give yourself a little time and patience. This is not the best it gets
(Being in a room with drunk people is still something I don't enjoy tho)
D
I did actually stay away from parties for a while. Instead I did other less stressful things like coffee dates, movies, catching up at a cafe, picnics...anything that didn't have alcohol, as its focus.
Eventually I developed my 'sober muscles'.
I can go anywhere and do anything now, but I had to work up to that.
Give yourself a little time and patience. This is not the best it gets
(Being in a room with drunk people is still something I don't enjoy tho
)D
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
I used to get so drunk at the SB parties that I wouldn’t remember who won.
I still go to SB parties and have fun but the people I hang out with now all have fun without the alcohol or they can be like my wife and will drink one glass of wine all night.
The more sober time you have (nearly 6 years for me) the more you will see the people you choose to hang out with changing. So there might be alcohol around, but not to the access it was during your drinking days.
I still go to SB parties and have fun but the people I hang out with now all have fun without the alcohol or they can be like my wife and will drink one glass of wine all night.
The more sober time you have (nearly 6 years for me) the more you will see the people you choose to hang out with changing. So there might be alcohol around, but not to the access it was during your drinking days.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, 4thorns.
Welcome.
I think that even if alcohol wasn’t available at the party, and like when does that ever happen?, super bowl parties are going to be loud and kinda crazy.
Great that you made it through, and your insights about sound and people.
As Dee and others said, probably best to avoid those situations, just for a while, until you are secure in your sobriety.
Good luck.
Welcome.
I think that even if alcohol wasn’t available at the party, and like when does that ever happen?, super bowl parties are going to be loud and kinda crazy.
Great that you made it through, and your insights about sound and people.
As Dee and others said, probably best to avoid those situations, just for a while, until you are secure in your sobriety.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 16
Hi 4t-
You are not alone. I chose not to go to any parties and stayed on my couch watching the sb. 17 days in this go around. I figured it would be too much of a gut wrencher to focus on everyone drinking but me. In the beginning I felt kinda down, loserish, but the next morning, I was happy that I was still sober and not regretting the night before.
As a comparison, last year, I didn’t even know the pats came back and won because I was passed out on the floor by the 3rd Q...good luck!!
You are not alone. I chose not to go to any parties and stayed on my couch watching the sb. 17 days in this go around. I figured it would be too much of a gut wrencher to focus on everyone drinking but me. In the beginning I felt kinda down, loserish, but the next morning, I was happy that I was still sober and not regretting the night before.
As a comparison, last year, I didn’t even know the pats came back and won because I was passed out on the floor by the 3rd Q...good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
I think we all need to just honor who we are . . . really are . . . without alcohol.
It doesn't sound like this is the type of gathering you enjoy; with or without alcohol. It's like you used alcohol as a bad coping mechanism to tolerate gatherings you don't enjoy.
I'm an extroverted introvert. When I'm out, I really like talking to people and learning about them. I don't work, but I'm not the least offended by people asking about my job. I just told someone who asked about my job at a recent gathering "I'm not sure how to answer that question. I don't work. But I don't know if I should say, "I'm not employed" or "I retired early"" and we just laughed it off. Likewise with questions about hobbies, etc . . . I think it's just meant as a way to learn about someone.
So while I enjoy social gatherings when I attend, I limit how many I choose to attend, because at base I prefer the quietness of staying home usually.
Don't go to these parties if you don't want to. Certainly don't go if you feel like they challenge you sobriety.
It doesn't sound like this is the type of gathering you enjoy; with or without alcohol. It's like you used alcohol as a bad coping mechanism to tolerate gatherings you don't enjoy.
I'm an extroverted introvert. When I'm out, I really like talking to people and learning about them. I don't work, but I'm not the least offended by people asking about my job. I just told someone who asked about my job at a recent gathering "I'm not sure how to answer that question. I don't work. But I don't know if I should say, "I'm not employed" or "I retired early"" and we just laughed it off. Likewise with questions about hobbies, etc . . . I think it's just meant as a way to learn about someone.
So while I enjoy social gatherings when I attend, I limit how many I choose to attend, because at base I prefer the quietness of staying home usually.
Don't go to these parties if you don't want to. Certainly don't go if you feel like they challenge you sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
My Super Bowl party was cool. It actually didn't turn out to be a party I just had two friends over and their girlfriends and me. Only one person was drinking.
It went well. I enjoy being sober. I'm definitely much quieter than when I was drunk at parties which is good! I feel like myself because I do not like to open up to people.
One part did crack me up - my friends (more like friendly acquaintances to be honest) were talking about how annoying this one girl was when she drank. Then they mentioned how she quit drinking and hasn't drank in two-years. They called her a 'quitter' and kind of made fun of her for quitting. I thought to myself 'do you know how hypocritical you guys sound right now?' I let it go and didn't say anything. I just wanted to enjoy the game and not get into an argument.
It does prove a point I made earlier. A lot of people we drink with care more about being entertained when someone is drinking than actually what drinking does to that person. So be careful the company you keep.
It went well. I enjoy being sober. I'm definitely much quieter than when I was drunk at parties which is good! I feel like myself because I do not like to open up to people.
One part did crack me up - my friends (more like friendly acquaintances to be honest) were talking about how annoying this one girl was when she drank. Then they mentioned how she quit drinking and hasn't drank in two-years. They called her a 'quitter' and kind of made fun of her for quitting. I thought to myself 'do you know how hypocritical you guys sound right now?' I let it go and didn't say anything. I just wanted to enjoy the game and not get into an argument.
It does prove a point I made earlier. A lot of people we drink with care more about being entertained when someone is drinking than actually what drinking does to that person. So be careful the company you keep.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
