Readygo

How do you know if you are having it and what are the dangers of it?

I ask because after a month now I notice myself going on this site less, looking into less general things about drinking that were motivating me week or two ago, and obsessing less about what will I do in certain situations. my life is getting a little busier with upcoming things and I’ve been running around more and going to bed early. I still try to read from either my memoir book or this site each night so maybe it’s that.

I’m surprisingly not craving or wanting any alcohol so I’m glad with that and even seeing people post drinking pics from this weekend I still have the feeling of being so happy I don’t have to worry about the bad affects I would feel with drinking. Seeing some pics it actually brings a sense of nausea. However, I don’t want to have this turn around into a surprise attack from my AV telling me I’m doing well and so over alcohol that It’d be like whatever to have one.

For whatever reason I’m so worried about some sneak relapse attack. I know that there are crazy swings the first few months to a year of quitting, so maybe this is all part of it.

neferkamichael

Readygo, it's a good thing to worry about relapsing because your AV is one powerful, sneaky SOB. Being sober is gonna free up a lot of time in your mind and your brain is waiting for you to do something with it. I think I expected sobriety to be the messiah but it just isn't so. I'm over 7 years sober and I stay in the Newcomers Forum and read threads like yours to remind me of potential problems that are probably never going to go away. Complacency and procrastination are problems for me that are worst than being a druggie/drunk. Thanks for posting, rootin for ya.

DontRemember

I was at a meeting months ago and the topic was complacency. I view it as "Never forget where you come from". To me that means never going back 'there' again and having my tools and plans in place at the drop of a hat if needed.

Ken0331

I guess it means taking sobriety for granted, the hard work it takes, thinking that it's easy now, or that, "Hey, I've got this!" Especially in the early days of sobriety, when everything feels good again, and that the hard work is over now.

August252015

There are plenty of ways to explain it- to me, one way is just what you described is going on with you.

For a good friend of mine in AA, she says it's when she thinks "she's got it, things are good, I back off meetings and suddenly weeks go by and everything gets overwhelming."

For me, it would mean loosening of my program standards. I run a very strong AA program which for me means time every morning for six AA and other study and devotional work (we're running a 15K at 730 this am and I got up an hour ago, and this is my last of the six), a running conversation with God, my sweet spot of 4-6 meetings (low this wk at 3) ... it would mean not taking an honest step 10 inventory to right wrongs as I go along....it would mean not continuing to read and learn about both my disease and ways to keep living my best life.

Heck, it would even mean cutting down on exercise and living on sugar and good coffee.

I guess, for me, to put it in one sentence: it would mean starting to check out of my healthy recovery habits. It would lead nowhere good.

bunnezjp

I've been sober almost 4 years now. I used to do AA but quit after 5 months. I used to come here everyday but now only on weekends to look at posts. I have a very full life and even though it gets stale once in awhile I've learned to keep it from coming "complacent". It's not that you have to let sobriety rule your life to keep from drinking, but maybe keep it in mind that drinking again will most likely set you 2 or 100 steps back.

Keep moving foward and if you feel yourself becoming stale, be creative

~Bunnez

bunnezjp

August, good luck at your race! I just finished a towerrun down here in FL

~Bunnez

entropy1964

I think complacency would be returning to old habits, and 'ways' of life. I think in order to stay sober I have to build a new life....I believe that may look somewhat different for each of us. I have to address all areas of mind, body, spirit and community. Try to address them each day. If I fall away from that new life, I am probably falling back into old patterns ....which can lead back to old, dysfuntional coping mechanisms.

LadyBlue0527

The answer to your question could be put by saying it's one of the greatest factors in relapse.

I've also heard on this board that relapse begins long before the drink is picked up and I've lived that statement.

I quit and came here in May 2013 and was ecstatic to be sober. I found my program of choice and poured myself into it. I made it the longest I ever have without a drink, I was day shy of 18 months before I picked up. BUT - the relapse began long before that. Right at around the 9 month mark I decided I was so ecstatically happy and things were going so well I didn't need my program anymore. I did continue to come here sporadically but even that began to dwindle. Little by little the seriousness of why I had quit started to fade and to become a distant memory. For each passing week the reasons I put it down became less severe, less worrisome. It's the nature of the addiction. Then, what follows is the door slowly reopening to take that first drink. Although I stopped working on recovery at about 9 months and didn't drink for another 9 my journey to that drink began when I stopped being mindful.

I was out there drinking for 19 months before I made my way back by way of a horrific incident. Worst rock bottom I ever had and like so many others, I became complacent and refused to believe that this would happen to me. I really, really thought it would never happen to me. I'd give back every sip I took for that 19 months if I could change things. But I can't. I made it back here in May 2016

I will now be 21 months sober this month. When I came back I started coming here again, got involved in my program again, and also took on volunteer work that would keep me mindful. At this point I have found balance. Although I don't have to obsess or spend every waking moment mindful of my sobriety there will never come a time I can afford to forget why I am sober. To become complacent. Life is busy but I do come here and read and I stay active in my program. I make sure to follow my morning meditation routine that helps to remind me why I can't drink, why it will NEVER be ok to drink, and why I will never be able to afford complacency.

So I've told you of the dangers of it.

Now, how do you know you have it? That's a tough question to answer. So, for me, I know that if I spend some time active daily in recovery that reduces the possibility of me ever having to worry about it. Because I know that not doing that leads me in the wrong direction.

It's a good sign you're asking You're making sure you're prepared. It's when you stop asking that question that the trouble begins. Keep on asking, keep on posting, and make sure to always do something daily that reminds you of your happiness purely because you're sober. It helps to thwart the complacency monster and keeps you on the path.

August252015

Thanks!! I did the full 15K at a reasonable pace compared to my usual 5K. Other than soaking rain the whole time and temps around34, it was great!

Rar

While I didn't have near the sobriety time that LadyBlue had, I became complacent before my first relapse and probably my second. I became busy and stopped coming on SR. I took sobriety for granted and felt strong enough for a drink. I was able to moderate for awhile, but each time, the amount crept up. I will not take it for granted again. I'm still early in this recovery journey (25 days), but I plan to make time to read and post every day - at least for a little while.

Dee74

If you're worried about becoming complacent you're probably not

D

blueberry2015

Complacency for me is thinking that “you’ve cracked it” and you stop putting work into your recovery, that can be dangerous as addiction can and it will sneak its way back in, usually starting off with “i’ll be ok with just the one”.... if that thought slips into your mind, you could be in danger of becoming complacent and thus you need to use your tools you have learnt so far. Remember, this illness wants to kill us, we cannot afford to be complacent.

Zebra1275

What is complacency?

A subtle form of denial that creeps into your life over time.

Gottalife

It might depend on how far along the AUD scale you are. I had crossed a line, so complacency is an enemy and could be fatal for me. On the other hand, if alcohol rtaher than alcoholism, was your problem, just stopping drinking may well have many beneficial effects.

Sustained vigilance and discipline is beyond most humans, let alone chronic alcoholics, so there will be defenceless moments.

I worked some steps which changed my outlook, and made the actions required to avoid complacency mostly pleasurable and rewarding. In AA, they can be put in threes, depending on how you like to look at them.
1) Would be living in steps 10, 11 and 12 OR
2) which would be clean house, trust God, help others, OR
3) Being active in all three sides of the AA circle triangle, revovery, unity and service.

They all mean the same thing and make a good diagnostic. If I am not in all three, I am at risk.

ljc267

I did too. I thought all my problems would go away minus the drink. The key for me, anyway, was the realization that I needed to find new ways to deal with my problems other then drinking.