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Have given 3 walls in the kitchen their first coat of paint woohoo. Let's hope it's not 6 months before I paint the other wall 
I am a right lazy sod when there is something to be done I don't want to do.
As it's pancake Tuesday, I was going to cook some. But my son had it all in hand. So was invited over there. Good job DIL has left for her trip. The littles ate so many syrup and lemon and sugar and honey pancakes they looked green. There is batter all over the kitchen benches and blue smoke was hanging in the air when I left. I feel a bit sick myself I ate so many.
End of another day nearly, they pass so fast.
I am a right lazy sod when there is something to be done I don't want to do.As it's pancake Tuesday, I was going to cook some. But my son had it all in hand. So was invited over there. Good job DIL has left for her trip. The littles ate so many syrup and lemon and sugar and honey pancakes they looked green. There is batter all over the kitchen benches and blue smoke was hanging in the air when I left. I feel a bit sick myself I ate so many.
End of another day nearly, they pass so fast.
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I'll have to keep my glasses by the bedside, I thought it was 6.30 and got up and it was 5.30 
Well up now.
I was thinking last night, I think it was after I read a post on here, about regrets and shame of what I did drinking.
I think this has been the difference when I have stopped drinking this time. I have not been obsessing over the past.
I have taken into account my OCD and obsessive thinking which in many ways, many times has lead back to me drinking again.
This time I have used the "stop thought" when I have felt myself doing it. Have also been disputing any irrational thoughts. So the SMART recovery techniques I picked up in the past haven't all been in vain.
In the past, I have started mulling on things I could do nothing about. Tormented myself to the point where I couldn't rest in my own head, over things out of my control now.
Namely, the drinking when my kids were younger and at home.
I have told them before how sorry I am, but I always went back to it, so how sincere did that sound?
They have always said, they don't care about the past, just stop now.
But, I had to fixate on this thing or that thing and torment myself until I just didn't want to be in my own head.
Just as I can't afford to convince myself I can have a couple of drinks and stop, I can't afford to self indulge fixating on regrets of things that have gone.
I am sorry for them, I do regret them, I have apologised for them. But that still doesn't take them away..
I read a book a few months ago by Deepka Chopra
It was about dying. In it he leaned heavily on Hindu beliefs.
In it, he said, if you think about it, we die many times during life. As in, you are not the same person now, as you were when you were 3 or 10 or 21 etc. Meaning, at different stages, the person you once were no longer exists.
Theres an old Hindu story runs through the book. And in it, this woman meets in a forest a series of ghosts, which help her. A young child, a young teenager, a young woman...later she finds out these were the ghosts of her old "selves"
I realised. My young children are gone. What I wanted to do with the obsessing over the past, was to go back and comfort those kids. To make up for all my thoughtlessness and selfishness.
But those small kids are gone, ghosts from the past. There is no comforting those small ghosts.
I have to live with that.
But I don't have to obsess over it, it's just another form of self indulgence.
I can't AFFORD to do that, it has done many times and will do again, lead back to me being unable to live with myself.
This time, I am concentrating on who they are NOW. The LIVING versions of them.
They have already told me what they want from me, to stop drinking forever.
Soon the people they are now will turn into ghosts of the past, I don't want to be crying over those ghosts too.
Well up now.I was thinking last night, I think it was after I read a post on here, about regrets and shame of what I did drinking.
I think this has been the difference when I have stopped drinking this time. I have not been obsessing over the past.
I have taken into account my OCD and obsessive thinking which in many ways, many times has lead back to me drinking again.
This time I have used the "stop thought" when I have felt myself doing it. Have also been disputing any irrational thoughts. So the SMART recovery techniques I picked up in the past haven't all been in vain.
In the past, I have started mulling on things I could do nothing about. Tormented myself to the point where I couldn't rest in my own head, over things out of my control now.
Namely, the drinking when my kids were younger and at home.
I have told them before how sorry I am, but I always went back to it, so how sincere did that sound?
They have always said, they don't care about the past, just stop now.
But, I had to fixate on this thing or that thing and torment myself until I just didn't want to be in my own head.
Just as I can't afford to convince myself I can have a couple of drinks and stop, I can't afford to self indulge fixating on regrets of things that have gone.
I am sorry for them, I do regret them, I have apologised for them. But that still doesn't take them away..
I read a book a few months ago by Deepka Chopra
It was about dying. In it he leaned heavily on Hindu beliefs.
In it, he said, if you think about it, we die many times during life. As in, you are not the same person now, as you were when you were 3 or 10 or 21 etc. Meaning, at different stages, the person you once were no longer exists.
Theres an old Hindu story runs through the book. And in it, this woman meets in a forest a series of ghosts, which help her. A young child, a young teenager, a young woman...later she finds out these were the ghosts of her old "selves"
I realised. My young children are gone. What I wanted to do with the obsessing over the past, was to go back and comfort those kids. To make up for all my thoughtlessness and selfishness.
But those small kids are gone, ghosts from the past. There is no comforting those small ghosts.
I have to live with that.
But I don't have to obsess over it, it's just another form of self indulgence.
I can't AFFORD to do that, it has done many times and will do again, lead back to me being unable to live with myself.
This time, I am concentrating on who they are NOW. The LIVING versions of them.
They have already told me what they want from me, to stop drinking forever.
Soon the people they are now will turn into ghosts of the past, I don't want to be crying over those ghosts too.
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And, I know from experience, it's not too late. My dad drank like a maniac until I was in my 30s. In the last 15 or so years of his life, he didn't drink at all and I got to see who he really was.
I don't know if I could have been so forgiving of him, if he had drank up until his death, so it isn't too late for me to make a difference to my own grown kids.
And the littles.
I don't know if I could have been so forgiving of him, if he had drank up until his death, so it isn't too late for me to make a difference to my own grown kids.
And the littles.
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Anyway trying to railroad myself into not drinking by using the negative consequences of it has never, never worked for me.
Was just thinking when I was reading something last night, I have brushed off;
Two arrests for drunk and dizzy (disorderly in legal terms)
4 visits to A&E when the withdrawals got out of hand
2 broken marriages
Numerous problems in my relationships with EVERYONE
A broken ankle, a torn ligament in my shoulder, cracked ribs, a burst mouth that left a scar, a hairline skull fracture, lots and lots of black eyes, bumps lumps and bruises.
And still I didn't think drink was a problem. So obviously negative consequences do nothing for me in stop drinking department.
The thing this time is, I haven't stopped because of any direct negative consequences of my drinking.
I have just had enough of being that person and wanted something better.
Was just thinking when I was reading something last night, I have brushed off;
Two arrests for drunk and dizzy (disorderly in legal terms)
4 visits to A&E when the withdrawals got out of hand
2 broken marriages
Numerous problems in my relationships with EVERYONE
A broken ankle, a torn ligament in my shoulder, cracked ribs, a burst mouth that left a scar, a hairline skull fracture, lots and lots of black eyes, bumps lumps and bruises.
And still I didn't think drink was a problem. So obviously negative consequences do nothing for me in stop drinking department.
The thing this time is, I haven't stopped because of any direct negative consequences of my drinking.
I have just had enough of being that person and wanted something better.
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Seems really normal to go through all this when youve had a period of time from alcohol. I read a lot of posts when i was about 4 weeks sober regarding guilty or culpable feelings for kids. I posted this in the 2nd Feb as a result of that:
I watched a documentary about prisoners on death row last night. This one guy, mid 40's, had been in prison since he was 15.
"Ronald L Sanford’s was given a 170-year sentence at the age of 15 for a horrific double murder he committed when he was 13."
When he was interviewed he said that on the night in question his mum had gone out of town with her new boyfriend and he was left at home on his own. His mother was a violent alcoholic who was violent in her parenting. He said in many respects he was trained to kill, was training for murder. He said it was an easy transition to become violent and kill the two women (83 & 87). His mother would say to him "Do what I say, not what I do". He doesnt blame his mother or her absence. His mother has always visited him in prison and now she is a recovering alcoholic. When questioned about the statement he made "He feels he was trained to kill" she said she had never heard that before.
I have many regrets about the nights i got drunk when my kids where younger. When I prioritized a bottle over them but I know I was never violent towards them . I cannot turn the clock back but I can look forward and I can be sober today. I can answer their text messages with clarity. I can be authentic. I am a good mother and with each day that I am sober I become an even better mother and person.
Namaste.
I think your dad did the right thing. I think you are doing the right thing. I know i have done the right thing! Have a good day.
I watched a documentary about prisoners on death row last night. This one guy, mid 40's, had been in prison since he was 15.
"Ronald L Sanford’s was given a 170-year sentence at the age of 15 for a horrific double murder he committed when he was 13."
When he was interviewed he said that on the night in question his mum had gone out of town with her new boyfriend and he was left at home on his own. His mother was a violent alcoholic who was violent in her parenting. He said in many respects he was trained to kill, was training for murder. He said it was an easy transition to become violent and kill the two women (83 & 87). His mother would say to him "Do what I say, not what I do". He doesnt blame his mother or her absence. His mother has always visited him in prison and now she is a recovering alcoholic. When questioned about the statement he made "He feels he was trained to kill" she said she had never heard that before.
I have many regrets about the nights i got drunk when my kids where younger. When I prioritized a bottle over them but I know I was never violent towards them . I cannot turn the clock back but I can look forward and I can be sober today. I can answer their text messages with clarity. I can be authentic. I am a good mother and with each day that I am sober I become an even better mother and person.
Namaste.
I think your dad did the right thing. I think you are doing the right thing. I know i have done the right thing! Have a good day.
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Thats so sad for the man, and the people he killed.
Yes, I was never violent or nasty when my kids were young. They always had their meals on time, always were clean, always school on time. I used this sort of thing to justify how my drinking wasn't impacting them negatively.
I think now, what a pile of bollocks! I think they weren't impacted by seeing me sitting cabbaged? By seeing me stagger at the end of the night. I think I didn't harm them emotionally?
I think regrets when you are a mother and face yourself sober, are the hardest thing to get over, especially when the children are grown.
Thank you for this post soberista, it's good to see you have overcome this, and are now being the best mother you can. It's what I wish for myself, and my kids
have a look at this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvOcyPEI9eE
I think more ads like this should be on British telly. Might make people think twice, but then again I would probably have just brushed this off too.
Yes, I was never violent or nasty when my kids were young. They always had their meals on time, always were clean, always school on time. I used this sort of thing to justify how my drinking wasn't impacting them negatively.
I think now, what a pile of bollocks! I think they weren't impacted by seeing me sitting cabbaged? By seeing me stagger at the end of the night. I think I didn't harm them emotionally?
I think regrets when you are a mother and face yourself sober, are the hardest thing to get over, especially when the children are grown.
Thank you for this post soberista, it's good to see you have overcome this, and are now being the best mother you can. It's what I wish for myself, and my kids
have a look at this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvOcyPEI9eE
I think more ads like this should be on British telly. Might make people think twice, but then again I would probably have just brushed this off too.
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Am going over to my sons to cook tea for when he gets in from work (littles are with other grandmother)
He has been badmouthing me in the pie shop!!!! -His friend told me.
Apparently he went in there last week for his lunch, mince and dumplings, and said to the woman "I have to come here for this ,my mother used to make it for me, now she just makes it for my sons, I don't get a look in"
So mince and dumplings for his tea it is
He has been badmouthing me in the pie shop!!!! -His friend told me.
Apparently he went in there last week for his lunch, mince and dumplings, and said to the woman "I have to come here for this ,my mother used to make it for me, now she just makes it for my sons, I don't get a look in"
So mince and dumplings for his tea it is
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"I read a book a few months ago by Deepka Chopra
It was about dying. In it he leaned heavily on Hindu beliefs.
In it, he said, if you think about it, we die many times during life. As in, you are not the same person now, as you were when you were 3 or 10 or 21 etc. Meaning, at different stages, the person you once were no longer exists."
Good Morning mandy
I always find something in your posts that resonates with me. I never thought of my past selves quite like this but it rings very true to me. I have gone through heaps of changes over the years, good, bad and in between, but I am no longer any of those people. I am who I am right now, today. And, I hope/expect there are more changes for the better on the horizon and this incarnation of myself will be a fond 'remember when'.
"This time, I am concentrating on who they are NOW. The LIVING versions of them.
They have already told me what they want from me, to stop drinking forever.
Soon the people they are now will turn into ghosts of the past, I don't want to be crying over those ghosts too."
I love this, too. You have so much insight in this whole post
It was about dying. In it he leaned heavily on Hindu beliefs.
In it, he said, if you think about it, we die many times during life. As in, you are not the same person now, as you were when you were 3 or 10 or 21 etc. Meaning, at different stages, the person you once were no longer exists."
Good Morning mandy
I always find something in your posts that resonates with me. I never thought of my past selves quite like this but it rings very true to me. I have gone through heaps of changes over the years, good, bad and in between, but I am no longer any of those people. I am who I am right now, today. And, I hope/expect there are more changes for the better on the horizon and this incarnation of myself will be a fond 'remember when'.
"This time, I am concentrating on who they are NOW. The LIVING versions of them.
They have already told me what they want from me, to stop drinking forever.
Soon the people they are now will turn into ghosts of the past, I don't want to be crying over those ghosts too."
I love this, too. You have so much insight in this whole post
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Hi rose 
Yes, the mince and dumplings went down very well That Pauline at the pie shop, she can't touch me when it comes to mince and dumplings, I kicked her butt 
Yes, me too with the changes. I'm not who I was at 20 or 30 or 40 I aim to leave the drunken me behind too, a ghost of the past.
I'm glad this incarnation of you will be a fond memory, this drunken incarnation of me has been a bloody nightmare !
Chopra says, it can be the physical maturing that changes you (as in growing up) or experiences can change you, either over time, or in an instant.
I think I was changed profoundly being present during my dads illness and death.
What is different this time giving up the drink, is the total indifference I feel towards it.
I always know when I am over a romantic relationship, because I feel total indifference to the man. I don't hate any of my ex's, I don't still hold a torch for any of them. I just feel indifferent towards them.
In the past giving up the drink, it has been all gung-ho..yeah, alcohol is evil, they shouldn't be selling it, it shouldn't be in your face all the time blah blah blah. And having to hold myself back from using it when I tried to give it up.
Now I couldn't care less. It's just something that doesn't interest me anymore.
It got way past the point that it was fun to do, like it had been when I just did it socially for years.
I am learning to make peace in my own head with the OCD obsessive thoughts, with the self-help of the REBT of SMART.
I have had OCD since I was a child, but learnt ways to cope with it, to the point I controlled my thoughts, not the other way around.
Then I got lazy, drink was a quick and easy way to zone out, with the added bonus of the pleasure the lighting up of the brains reward system gave. Then it became a trap.
Then I lost the ability to control them on my own, through using drink to do it. I am re-learning how to live in peace in my head. And it's a much more authentic peace.
I am feeling pleasure through connecting with people again. Real pleasure, not the fleeting, chemically induced pleasure, I used to seek from drink.
Theres this guided meditation I do. It's quite long, but basically, you are on a beach, and the future you comes up to you and thanks you for what you are going through now, so they were able to become the person they are.
That's if I get that far, usually I fall asleep lying in the warm, white sand, the waves lapping on the shore haha
Take Care rose
Yes, the mince and dumplings went down very well
That Pauline at the pie shop, she can't touch me when it comes to mince and dumplings, I kicked her butt Yes, me too with the changes. I'm not who I was at 20 or 30 or 40 I aim to leave the drunken me behind too, a ghost of the past.
I'm glad this incarnation of you will be a fond memory, this drunken incarnation of me has been a bloody nightmare !
Chopra says, it can be the physical maturing that changes you (as in growing up) or experiences can change you, either over time, or in an instant.
I think I was changed profoundly being present during my dads illness and death.
What is different this time giving up the drink, is the total indifference I feel towards it.
I always know when I am over a romantic relationship, because I feel total indifference to the man. I don't hate any of my ex's, I don't still hold a torch for any of them. I just feel indifferent towards them.
In the past giving up the drink, it has been all gung-ho..yeah, alcohol is evil, they shouldn't be selling it, it shouldn't be in your face all the time blah blah blah. And having to hold myself back from using it when I tried to give it up.
Now I couldn't care less. It's just something that doesn't interest me anymore.
It got way past the point that it was fun to do, like it had been when I just did it socially for years.
I am learning to make peace in my own head with the OCD obsessive thoughts, with the self-help of the REBT of SMART.
I have had OCD since I was a child, but learnt ways to cope with it, to the point I controlled my thoughts, not the other way around.
Then I got lazy, drink was a quick and easy way to zone out, with the added bonus of the pleasure the lighting up of the brains reward system gave. Then it became a trap.
Then I lost the ability to control them on my own, through using drink to do it. I am re-learning how to live in peace in my head. And it's a much more authentic peace.
I am feeling pleasure through connecting with people again. Real pleasure, not the fleeting, chemically induced pleasure, I used to seek from drink.
Theres this guided meditation I do. It's quite long, but basically, you are on a beach, and the future you comes up to you and thanks you for what you are going through now, so they were able to become the person they are.
That's if I get that far, usually I fall asleep lying in the warm, white sand, the waves lapping on the shore haha
Take Care rose
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Tomorrow, have the 2 littles all day. Have bigger little on the night time. My driving instructor rang, he had to cancel tomorrow evenings lesson, just as well, as I had forgotten all about it when I said bigger little could stay. 
Then Friday morning we are off to visit my youngest daughter for the weekend..hurrah. I love the town she lives in. I wanted to move there and she said she would help out to get me settled if I wanted to. But it would have meant leaving all my littles and I just couldn't do it.
She has a puppy. Last time I was down there it chewed my bank card up, sucked my toothbrush and peed in my bag. Well, it didn't suck my toothbrush, but it had it in its mouth after it fell out of my bag. She says it is bigger and better trained now haha. It's going to be bedlam with the puppy and the kids, her poor long suffering husband!
Cannot believe it was only 2 weeks ago today, I was sitting at my computer, p!ssed out of my brains, writing on here how black my life was. The last night I drank
I'm really glad I came on here that night, and really glad for all the people who replied to my posts when I was so desperate ..thank you everyone who did on that dark dark night on my other thread
Then Friday morning we are off to visit my youngest daughter for the weekend..hurrah. I love the town she lives in. I wanted to move there and she said she would help out to get me settled if I wanted to. But it would have meant leaving all my littles and I just couldn't do it.
She has a puppy. Last time I was down there it chewed my bank card up, sucked my toothbrush and peed in my bag. Well, it didn't suck my toothbrush, but it had it in its mouth after it fell out of my bag. She says it is bigger and better trained now haha. It's going to be bedlam with the puppy and the kids, her poor long suffering husband!
Cannot believe it was only 2 weeks ago today, I was sitting at my computer, p!ssed out of my brains, writing on here how black my life was. The last night I drank
I'm really glad I came on here that night, and really glad for all the people who replied to my posts when I was so desperate ..thank you everyone who did on that dark dark night on my other thread
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I'm grateful those people were there for you as well.
You've really brightened my days with your writings here.
Trying to not be mushy but have to say you've made a real
impact with so many things that you have shared.
Thank you!
<---a few hours late!
You've really brightened my days with your writings here.
Trying to not be mushy but have to say you've made a real
impact with so many things that you have shared.
Thank you!
<---a few hours late!
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Thank you Mireille <3
That is so sweet of you to say
You can be as mushy as peas!
My one and only valentines wish
haha
I have gotten a lot from writing this too, and I am grateful for the support I receive here. It really has been a life saver for me
I can't actually remember what I wrote on that other thread and I don't really want to go back and look, because I know it will be cringe.
But I do remember snippets. Not good snippets either
I also remember sitting here typing, in the dark by the monitor screen light and I had never felt so low in my life. Yes drink really does help you deal with stuff......not!
I'm on day 15 now and I couldn't explain the difference just 2 weeks makes.
Have you been stopped long?
Good to hear from you Mireille , have a good one
That is so sweet of you to say
You can be as mushy as peas!
My one and only valentines wish
hahaI have gotten a lot from writing this too, and I am grateful for the support I receive here. It really has been a life saver for me
I can't actually remember what I wrote on that other thread and I don't really want to go back and look, because I know it will be cringe.
But I do remember snippets. Not good snippets either
I also remember sitting here typing, in the dark by the monitor screen light and I had never felt so low in my life. Yes drink really does help you deal with stuff......not!
I'm on day 15 now and I couldn't explain the difference just 2 weeks makes.
Have you been stopped long?
Good to hear from you Mireille , have a good one
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One of the many many interesting facts I have learnt from the William Porter book,
Alcohol has a depressant/anaesthetising effect on our mind . It anaesthetises feelings such as tiredness, stress, pain and discomfort. As a result we feel more mentally relaxed after a drink.
These effects don't just work on the mind, they also affect the rest of our body, leaving us slightly uncoordinated and slow.
It has always been assumed that the relaxing mental effect and physical impairment or intoxication go hand in hand, that they are part and parcel of the same process.
However, this is not the case.
The physical intoxication and the mental relaxation run their course at different times. The relaxing mental effect wears off much sooner than the body can process the alcohol out of your system.
So if we are drinking for the relaxing mental effect, we have to keep the drinks coming faster than the wearing off of the physical intoxication.
So, if we like the relaxing effect 2 drinks give us, when this relaxing effect wears off, we will have to take another two drinks to replenish this effect.
However, the physical intoxication won't have worn off so we'll be 2 drinks mentally relaxed and 4 drinks physically intoxicated. Then when the effect of those 2 drinks wears off and we take 2 more,we'll be 2 drinks mentally relaxed but now 6 drinks physically intoxicated.
It may be by this time your body will have processed the physical intoxication effect of a single drink, but even so you will still be 2 drinks relaxed but 5 drinks physically intoxicated.
This has shown me, how I could never win this game. I will never be able to get the mental effect I want from drink without ending up totally physically intoxicated
Of course, this is just a very small snippet from the book. But it is full of all sorts of facts that I just never knew!
Alcohol has a depressant/anaesthetising effect on our mind . It anaesthetises feelings such as tiredness, stress, pain and discomfort. As a result we feel more mentally relaxed after a drink.
These effects don't just work on the mind, they also affect the rest of our body, leaving us slightly uncoordinated and slow.
It has always been assumed that the relaxing mental effect and physical impairment or intoxication go hand in hand, that they are part and parcel of the same process.
However, this is not the case.
The physical intoxication and the mental relaxation run their course at different times. The relaxing mental effect wears off much sooner than the body can process the alcohol out of your system.
So if we are drinking for the relaxing mental effect, we have to keep the drinks coming faster than the wearing off of the physical intoxication.
So, if we like the relaxing effect 2 drinks give us, when this relaxing effect wears off, we will have to take another two drinks to replenish this effect.
However, the physical intoxication won't have worn off so we'll be 2 drinks mentally relaxed and 4 drinks physically intoxicated. Then when the effect of those 2 drinks wears off and we take 2 more,we'll be 2 drinks mentally relaxed but now 6 drinks physically intoxicated.
It may be by this time your body will have processed the physical intoxication effect of a single drink, but even so you will still be 2 drinks relaxed but 5 drinks physically intoxicated.
This has shown me, how I could never win this game. I will never be able to get the mental effect I want from drink without ending up totally physically intoxicated
Of course, this is just a very small snippet from the book. But it is full of all sorts of facts that I just never knew!
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Just finished looking after the littles, except they will be back in half an hour! I was meant to be looking after their older cousin tonight, but plans changed again and he's not coming.
In the meantime, when I thought I was having him, my son said as I was babysitting him anyway, could he bring his 2 across cos he wanted to go out for a pint.
Felt very down and sad today, didn't know why, then realised it was Thursday again. 5 weeks ago today my dad died.
A bizzare thought struck me. It's been the first bright sunny day (although blisteringly cold) for months. It's been just grey for about 3 months. But today, sun and blue skies. Also the days are getting longer, and I realized it's almost spring. It felt weird, the world is still moving on, seasons changing and we are all swept along with them. But my dad isn't he came to a standstill in winter. It just feels strange.
Thoughts of a drink, were not seriously considered at all. I don't need it. I don't want it.
Whatever I thought I got out of it, I don't know. I can stand on my own two feet without looking for a crutch, and a very bad crutch at that.
I'm in a right bad mood. I don't care, so what? It's just a mood, it will fruck off soon
In the meantime, when I thought I was having him, my son said as I was babysitting him anyway, could he bring his 2 across cos he wanted to go out for a pint.
Felt very down and sad today, didn't know why, then realised it was Thursday again. 5 weeks ago today my dad died.
A bizzare thought struck me. It's been the first bright sunny day (although blisteringly cold) for months. It's been just grey for about 3 months. But today, sun and blue skies. Also the days are getting longer, and I realized it's almost spring. It felt weird, the world is still moving on, seasons changing and we are all swept along with them. But my dad isn't he came to a standstill in winter. It just feels strange.
Thoughts of a drink, were not seriously considered at all. I don't need it. I don't want it.
Whatever I thought I got out of it, I don't know. I can stand on my own two feet without looking for a crutch, and a very bad crutch at that.
I'm in a right bad mood. I don't care, so what? It's just a mood, it will fruck off soon
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Hi mandy
I am preparing for my kindred's arrival today (you know, straightening pictures and then re-straightening them......) but I just wanted to stop by quickly.
It is still early days for your grief over your dad ♥ So many firsts to get through without him. It does feel wrong somehow, that the world just keeps turning, the sun keeps rising, time pauses for nothing and no one. My heart goes out to you in your grief. I do agree, being with a loved one at the end, is a profoundly life altering experience.
I think back to your other thread, when I first found you (). You seem like a whole different person writing in this thread! Your wit and your insight are both an absolute delight, every time I visit your thread!
I am glad you are done with alcohol. I feel the same way. When I think back to my drinking life, I am this
I hope your bad mood has passed, but if not, you know it will.
I will only be checking in briefly for the next week. Your thread moves fast and I don't want to miss anything!
rose
I am preparing for my kindred's arrival today (you know, straightening pictures and then re-straightening them......
) but I just wanted to stop by quickly.It is still early days for your grief over your dad ♥ So many firsts to get through without him. It does feel wrong somehow, that the world just keeps turning, the sun keeps rising, time pauses for nothing and no one. My heart goes out to you in your grief.
I do agree, being with a loved one at the end, is a profoundly life altering experience.I think back to your other thread, when I first found you (
). You seem like a whole different person writing in this thread! Your wit and your insight are both an absolute delight, every time I visit your thread!I am glad you are done with alcohol. I feel the same way. When I think back to my drinking life, I am this
I hope your bad mood has passed, but if not, you know it will.
I will only be checking in briefly for the next week. Your thread moves fast and I don't want to miss anything!
rose
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hi Mandy, I noticed your William Porter book reference and thought you may wish to know that he features in some of the videos in “The Naked Mind 30 Day Sobriety Experiment”. It’s free to sign up and provides daily reading and video material, some of which could be of benefit to you.
From the positive vibes in your thread, you are strengthening!
From the positive vibes in your thread, you are strengthening!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Geordie Land
Posts: 380
Hi rose 
And jolly glad I am that you did find me
I feel ok now, had a blub, I think it was just pent up emotion knocking me a bit sideways. It just struck me that from now on time would just keep putting more distance between me and my dad. But after the blub, realized time means nothing if someone is kept alive in your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding
I hope you have an excellent time with your kindred.
Oh yes, I know all about "straightening" I swear down, I have a rug people keep knocking out of line when they walk on it. I am going to centre it then superglue it to the floor haha
I am going away myself tomorrow until Sunday
Don't worry about this thread, you will soon catch up after your friends visit
Have a WONDERFUL time
And jolly glad I am that you did find me
I feel ok now, had a blub, I think it was just pent up emotion knocking me a bit sideways. It just struck me that from now on time would just keep putting more distance between me and my dad. But after the blub, realized time means nothing if someone is kept alive in your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding
I hope you have an excellent time with your kindred.
Oh yes, I know all about "straightening" I swear down, I have a rug people keep knocking out of line when they walk on it. I am going to centre it then superglue it to the floor haha
I am going away myself tomorrow until Sunday
Don't worry about this thread, you will soon catch up after your friends visit
Have a WONDERFUL time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Geordie Land
Posts: 380
Hi soberista, I have never heard of Homeopathic Ignatia. How does it help with grief?
Yes it is bloody cold, seems like it has been freezing forever, that wind is coming straight off the arctic! The weatherman said it was.
Hartlepool? Have they ever lived down hanging that monkey thinking it was a frenchman?
take care soberista, and thanks for the homeopathic tip
Yes it is bloody cold, seems like it has been freezing forever, that wind is coming straight off the arctic! The weatherman said it was.
Hartlepool? Have they ever lived down hanging that monkey thinking it was a frenchman?
take care soberista, and thanks for the homeopathic tip
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