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Old 02-07-2018, 01:56 PM   #61 (permalink)
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I had some pretty disturbing dreams I couldn't distinguish from reality in the early days of sobriety. Pretty sure they're just the brain adjusting to not having to deal with copious amounts of alcohol.

They're just dreams.
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Old 02-07-2018, 02:04 PM   #62 (permalink)
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I had some pretty disturbing dreams I couldn't distinguish from reality in the early days of sobriety. Pretty sure they're just the brain adjusting to not having to deal with copious amounts of alcohol.

They're just dreams.
For the sober moments of my life I have also had some strange, deep dreams.

However they don't compare in severity or suffering or strangeness to the anxiety ridden dreams I've had of late in vodka laced stupors. Where the same horrible images and weird themes and work/money/life anxieties play over each other.

So looking forward to those sober dreams again.
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Old 02-07-2018, 02:36 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Thank you for your input ken and lessgravity. I have had more withdrawals from alcohol over the last 20 years than I can even attempt to count. I have had visual and auditry hallucinations. I have had vivid, lucid disturbing dreams, I have seen faces come out of the walls. You name it, short of the DTs.
I did try to convince myself it was a nightmare. But I know it wasn't
Infact, the sort of dreams you are talking about, I had the first 2 nights after I stopped drinking this time. By the 5th night this time, I slept like a baby.
You of course are entitled to your point of view, and I thank you both for your perspective
I know what this was, and I know what this wasn't.
The other nightmarish images and dreams, just scared the crip out of me at the time, and then were quickly forgotton. The other stuff other times was just horror for the sake of horror, a poisoned brain trying to recover.
This has shifted something in me, something massive and something for the good. It has turned out to be a healing experience.
So I hope you will be happy for me Good luck to you both
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Old 02-07-2018, 04:35 PM   #64 (permalink)
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You;'re sounding good Mandy

D
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Old 02-07-2018, 10:15 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee, I'm feeling great

ooh today, the big tester. I get dole once a fortnight and besides the time my dad was in hospital I have always drank when I get the money.
I don't remotely feel like drinking. I have things to do this morning. I am cooking tea for son and family tonight, but small details like that have never stopped me before.
Me, in my drunken slyness calculated before, that I can drink about 11 units before anyone starts to suspect I am drinking. My tolerance is sky high.
But, I truly feel that that part of my life is over. Let's see.
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:10 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Money not in bank. Thank you government I paid taxes to every week for 34 years. The reason it's not in? They found out my house number is different on one of their systems to the other one. Whats the difference? My house number is 35a and they have 35 on one of their systems. Did I tell them when they were sending letters to 35 about the missing "a" ..yes 3 times. Did I ring up yesterday when they sent me a text to say my account had been updated and to ring them? yes I did. The dimwit on the phone said it was just to say they had gotton a form I sent them. Been on the phone again half an hour on hold, they say it will be in "anytime up to midnight" All well and good. But the last 5 months, since splitting with my husband I have been taking driving lessons once a fortnight, now I had to cancel one this morning but will still have to pay for it
Strangely enough though, something like this, with the frustration would usually set a craving off, but it hasn't. I think those weeks caring for my dad make me not care so much about crip like this.
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:36 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Ah bless my driving instructors cotton socks. He says he has cancellation this afternoon, so I can have that, so won't have to pay for a lesson I'm not having That gives me time, if the money is not in, to bum some money off the lovely mother until it does get in.
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:53 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Just out of curiosity, anybody passing by this thread, if you have the longest time you have ever had without the drink, or like years off it. Did you feel any different when you stopped drinking the last time? Or did it just feel like another attempt at first, then stuck?
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:14 AM   #69 (permalink)
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I'm glad you got your lesson Mandy - I hope the dole delivered.

My 'record' before SR was 2 months. I've been sober now since April 2007.

I have to be honest and say it didn't feel different the last time I quit...maybe a little more desperate than usual because I was scared I was going to die any day..
but somehow I made it stick even when I lost that fear - due I'm sure in no small part to this place.

D
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:42 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Yes Dee, I think that's what it was with me, in the past I have given up out of desperation (like this time too). Not as close to death as you, but have been hospitalized in the past. But once the desperation has faded, couldn't make it stick. I don't think it was "somehow" you made it stick, I think you put a lot of hard graft into it haha As well as you being grateful for having SR I think they have been paid back 10 fold!
I don't know if money is on or not yet, have to trot up the street to cash machine to check. Doesn't help that the nearest cash machine (next one miles away) is in a bloody off-license haha
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:56 AM   #71 (permalink)
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It's 4 weeks today since my dad died. 2 weeks since his funeral (busy time of year apparently hence long wait). He died 10.10 in morning, with me my sister and my mother and brother there, my sister who is always late, was late. The hospice said we could take as long as we liked with the room, so we were there a couple of hours after we rang our adult kids to pay last respects to their granda.
I got home at 1pm and picked a bottle of whisky up on the way. I drank a bottle a day for the next 5 days straight. Had 2 days off.
Started drinking again the Thursday same thing bottle a day for 5 days 2 days off.
This Thursday was his funeral, started drinking at the wake drank for 2 days.
Started on the Monday again, came here on the Wednesday stopped last Thursday.
So as well as it being dole day, was a bit worried today cos it was Thursday again, but seem alright.
Everyone was amazed how supportive I could be when my dad was dying. With him every day for almost 6 weeks. But just seemed that when he died, I thought "my job is over"
But I know I have it in me somewhere to cope with extreme stress without the drink, and to be there for other people who are not coping as well. So I am going to hold that thought..I CAN do it when I want to.
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:34 AM   #72 (permalink)
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(((mandy))) Your dad must be looking down on you with a huge smile on his face.

"But I know I have it in me somewhere to cope with extreme stress without the drink, and to be there for other people who are not coping as well. So I am going to hold that thought..I CAN do it when I want to."

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Old 02-08-2018, 08:53 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Just out of curiosity, anybody passing by this thread, if you have the longest time you have ever had without the drink, or like years off it. Did you feel any different when you stopped drinking the last time? Or did it just feel like another attempt at first, then stuck?
I was sober for 6 years, in my mid twenties to early thirties. Right now, I have just passed my 3 year soberversary

After I relapsed on my first (and only ever other attempt), I felt like it was too hard to commit to sobriety again so stayed stuck for years.

This time, I felt the urgency of time left. The possibility of dying for the sake of a drink was more of a reality at 56 years old than it felt like at 26 years old.

I don't do any face to face support groups so engaging here on SR has made a world of difference in keeping my sobriety in the forefront.

I felt pretty certain and determined the first time around but didn't follow through with support so, eventually, I became very complacent.

This time around, it feels more like a "do or die" choice. And, I have chosen "DO"
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:20 AM   #74 (permalink)
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It's 4 weeks today since my dad died. 2 weeks since his funeral (busy time of year apparently hence long wait). He died 10.10 in morning, with me my sister and my mother and brother there, my sister who is always late, was late. The hospice said we could take as long as we liked with the room, so we were there a couple of hours after we rang our adult kids to pay last respects to their granda.
I got home at 1pm and picked a bottle of whisky up on the way. I drank a bottle a day for the next 5 days straight. Had 2 days off.
Started drinking again the Thursday same thing bottle a day for 5 days 2 days off.
This Thursday was his funeral, started drinking at the wake drank for 2 days.
Started on the Monday again, came here on the Wednesday stopped last Thursday.
So as well as it being dole day, was a bit worried today cos it was Thursday again, but seem alright.
Everyone was amazed how supportive I could be when my dad was dying. With him every day for almost 6 weeks. But just seemed that when he died, I thought "my job is over"
But I know I have it in me somewhere to cope with extreme stress without the drink, and to be there for other people who are not coping as well. So I am going to hold that thought..I CAN do it when I want to.
Mandy,

Wow what a week. My father is an ex-alcoholic. He's a sweet man who is always worried about my alcohol abuse. He is in decent health but in his mid 70s so his time is limited. I always wonder if I'll be able to tell him I quit before he passes.

What sadness that brings.

Thank you for sharing and I wish you strength.
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:20 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Wow rose, 3 years, you should be very proud of yourself! Belated congratulations on your 3 year soberversary
Yes the march of time, it's getting to me too, but with me I don't want to end up one of those sad old wrinkled bag-lady type alkies. I always imagined myself growing old elegantly, not staggering about like some 13 year old drinking white-lighting in the park (white lighting, a cheap paint stripper "cider" die hard drunks and teenagers drink, about 10 litres for 1 haha)
I think my dad would be saying "I'll believe it when I see it" haha

May you grow older elegantly rose and if you see some old bag lady with a trolley full of white lighting lying under a bush, make sure it's not me will you? haha Hope your day is good take care
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:23 AM   #76 (permalink)
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Thanks lessgravity, I'm sure you will succeed if you want to and be able to show your precious dad what I am sure he would love to see most in the world, you happy and drink free.
Wishing all that strength back at you
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:53 AM   #77 (permalink)
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Driving lesson went not so well. Didn't realize how much I couldn't concentrate on much until I was behind that wheel! I'm not the most observant at the best of times. Our lessons usually go alone the lines of
DI; Pandy, what does that sign mean?
Me; What sign?
DI; The one you almost hit!
Me;

DI; What lane are you meant to be in
Me; Lanes? This traffic is in lanes
DI;

He also says alarming things like "These duel controls can only do so much to protect us from dying you know"
And if you ask me he has a bit of that Histrionic Personality Disorder, always overly dramatic in fast heavy traffic!!

Had some cravings this afternoon. Quite strange to stand back and witness the bodily craving, when I didn't want to drink at all. Pristine conditions to practice AVRT
On the whole, very easy to get on with things and ignore the cravings. I was soon wrapped up in something else and didn't even notice when they stopped.
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:15 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Wow rose, 3 years, you should be very proud of yourself! Belated congratulations on your 3 year soberversary
Yes the march of time, it's getting to me too, but with me I don't want to end up one of those sad old wrinkled bag-lady type alkies. I always imagined myself growing old elegantly, not staggering about like some 13 year old drinking white-lighting in the park (white lighting, a cheap paint stripper "cider" die hard drunks and teenagers drink, about 10 litres for 1 haha)
I think my dad would be saying "I'll believe it when I see it" haha

May you grow older elegantly rose and if you see some old bag lady with a trolley full of white lighting lying under a bush, make sure it's not me will you? haha Hope your day is good take care
You are quite funny, mandy

Thank you for your kind words not sure if I can pull off elegant ageing, but, you can go ahead and imagine me as elegant, LOL!

(the white lighting sounds pretty horrid, amiright??!! )
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:32 PM   #79 (permalink)
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I've been to tears reading about your dad's end and can relate to so much that you are saying in everything ... just everything.
And then I'm smiling and laughing (the tears still there) in your next post.
Don't ever go away from here! I mean on SR and in life.
You are a breath of fresh air for me.

/edited out the YOU ROCK icon as moving items are really hard for me to see on the screen.
You DO rock though.

btw - when I quit, it wasn't planned. It was just one more time that I said "I've got to pay attention to my health as cannot leave my daughter alone in this world, yet." <--- am quite attached to her.
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Old 02-09-2018, 12:50 AM   #80 (permalink)
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rose, you are indeed right, white lightening, nasty stuff. It has a competitor here called Frosty Jacks. I quite frankly am amazed the acid content in them don't melt the plastic bottles they come in. There was an alcohol related documentary on telly here and this doctor said he could 100% know that someone was alcoholic if they told him they drank this stuff (and were over 15). It's sole purpose is to get people as drunk as possible (it's quite strong) as cheaply as possible. I think he said it was the new meths. I remember when I was a kid, before all this cheap crud came out people would talk about the meths drinkers in the park (methylated spirits). Now they drink this.

rose, I don't care what you LOOK like, you are elegant to me. You have an elegant spirit. You drift around the boards here dispensing encouragement, kindness and gentle advice, if that isn't elegant what is?
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