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Why I drink....

Old 02-02-2018, 12:44 PM
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Why I drink....

Ok, I have been trying to stop for YEARS and I mean YEARS. Last night, once again I drank when I shouldn't have and I feel shame - deep deep shame. I want to stop doing this.

As I work through why I drink -

1. Sometimes when I am hungry but no food appeals to me - just alcohol.
2. When I feel angry, upset, etc. I feel very intensely - it often involves my whole body. When I am angry, upset, etc or when I feel stressed or overwhelmed. Put in the mix whenever things are going on with any of my 3 kids that I need to deal with it just puts me over the top. I think any time when I feel like I have no control over the situation. Or, when I feel that I am being judged (which is like all the time) I use it as a way to cope.

I know why but I just feel powerless to change because I just have not found something that helps me cope like alcohol.......

Thoughts?
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Old 02-02-2018, 12:58 PM
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Welcome to sr ☺

I know we think alcohol helps us cope but it's not true. Alcohol just numbs all our feelings and abilities to deal with things. We switch off and don't deal with things. The next morning all the stuff we need to deal with is still there but we have a hangover too.

I've only been sober nearly a month now but this week I'm really starting to see a difference in how I'm dealing with things. Situations I'm usually stressed with kids etc I'm much more calm and am much more able to cope.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:01 PM
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I think that is it right there. Because I do feel so intensely - have all of my life - I use alcohol to shut it off.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:04 PM
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Welcome!

I drank for any number of reasons - happy, sad, tired, etc. I used alcohol to cope with everything.

You can cope with your life without alcohol. Most of us here felt we couldn't do it, but as you look around here, you will see that we did.

I think stopping drinking is the first thing to do. Then, the hard work begins. I had to deal with the underlying issues in my life in order to support my recovery. You might find that journaling helps you to cope, exercise of any kind will help you to cope, and finding things that you love to do will all help you to cope.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:04 PM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Maybe figuring "why" you drink helps, but the fact being you can't quit...maybe the reason is you are addicted to alcohol.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:06 PM
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The problem is alcohol is not helping you cope, it is at best a temporary anesthetic that only masks the issues for a short period while also adding to them.

So many of us here have used alcohol as a crutch and I am only 18 days sober, so do not have a lot of experience with sobriety, but the experiences I have read here from people further along in their journey often speak about finding alternative and much more life affirming methods of learning to deal with their emotions and stress than the quick fix at the bottom of a bottle, that while you are not looking robs you of your health and relationships.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Maybe figuring "why" you drink helps, but the fact being you can't quit...maybe the reason is you are addicted to alcohol.
Yes, I agree and why I am here. When I tried talking to my doctor about this a year ago she said that I just needed to stop using it to stop the emotions and I would be able to drink socially again.

I don't think so.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:10 PM
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Welcome to SR.
Yes, I have known why I drink for at least a decade but the knowledge never stopped me. Once in the grip of addiction reasons just didn't come into it. Its almost impossible in my experience to think your way out of the cycle.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:20 PM
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Denial
Victimization
Self pity or loathing
Boredom
Sad
Happy
...

Everything for me.
I drink because I have not managed to stop.
I drink because I'm an alcoholic
Because the instant momentary deletion of all feelings and fear is cheating me
Because what I am currently doing to stop is just not enough....

Take care.
V.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:24 PM
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You have to have some sober time under your belt before your thinking becomes clearer.

I hope our support can help you stop drinking for good and find the good life you want.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:25 PM
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I drank because I am an alcoholic.

I don't drink now because I don't have the first drink and I work daily on my recovery program.

I love my life. It is beyond anything I would I ever have.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by 02022018 View Post
I just have not found something that helps me cope like alcohol.......
I never did either...

until I stopped drinking and started looking for it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:38 PM
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The one line that stuck out to me from Allen Carr's book was, "don't mourn the loss of an enemy."

As the above posts state alcohol doesn't help us cope, it numbs.
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Old 02-02-2018, 01:44 PM
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Welcome!

I drank for all those reasons too.
I found that I am a much better mother when I am sober than I ever was drunk or hungover.
While situations with my son can be frustrating, I have learned other ways to cope. I take a positive parenting course online. Which while I was drinking I had wanted to do for months, now that I am sober, I have the time to go through the course.
I leave the situation when frustrated and cool down and then deal with whatever is going on calm, cool and collected. My son seems to be more responsive with this as well, he is 2.5.

I have yet to find a bad side-effect from being sober

While the beginning can be rough, just remember "This too shall pass".

I hope you are able to take some advice and enjoy a life of sobriety.

Find a good plan, AA and coming here often works wonders for me.

Blessings,
DC

Last edited by DreamCatcher17; 02-02-2018 at 01:44 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-02-2018, 02:16 PM
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I think until I can learn to deal better with emotions I will always struggle. I literally take on other people's pain and don't know how to change that. I will watch a sad movie, and I can be depressed about it for days. My son got in trouble in school yesterday and as he talked with me I started feeling his rage and pain. It isn't just my own emotions that I need to contend with.
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Old 02-02-2018, 02:30 PM
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Oh yeah . . . I'm right there with you. That empath stuff is something, huh?

I've come to think of my taking on other's emotions as a sort of anxiety ('cause I think down deep inside there is some connection). It's something I have to learn to live with. Alcohol numbs, but it's not a long term solution, obviously. You need more and more. At best alcohol is a very bad coping mechanism.

We've got to learn new, more healthy coping mechanisms.

I've only been sober 22 days so take this with a grain of salt . . . I find walking helps. It didn't make sense to me at first. Why would that help? But I've come to find physical movement forces my attention inward, and away from other's.

Turns out "self care" is helping me get on top of these waves of emotions.
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Old 02-02-2018, 03:24 PM
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Originally Posted by 02022018 View Post
I think until I can learn to deal better with emotions I will always struggle. I literally take on other people's pain and don't know how to change that. I will watch a sad movie, and I can be depressed about it for days. My son got in trouble in school yesterday and as he talked with me I started feeling his rage and pain. It isn't just my own emotions that I need to contend with.
You are not alone in those feelings

I am like that, too, and didn't think I could ever manage it. I read up on Empaths and identified with most of it. You might benefit from reading about it.

I thought I was managing it by drinking, but once I stopped, I found it was quite the opposite.

Sobriety is what makes it manageable for me.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts
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Old 02-02-2018, 04:36 PM
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Hi and welcome 02022018

I never though I'd be able to deal with feelings either,,.,but I nearly died from my drinking and had no choice but to quit.

It took a little time, patience, effort and some courage but I got better at dealing with feelings - you will too

D
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Old 02-02-2018, 05:25 PM
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I think until I can learn to deal better with emotions I will always struggle.

the great news on that is you dont have to find the way to deal with it on your own- there are people that can help you learn how to deal with it- how to change, there are many recovery programs/plans to look at that can help you. there are also therapists/psychologists to help,too.

i am very greatful to find a recovery program and the people in it that would help me with solutions. i spent quite a few years trying to use my thinking- the thinking that got me drunk- to fix my thinking.
using my thinking never worked good- i had a broken thinkin machine.
but other people- people that had been in my shoes and had found a solution that worked pretty good for them- helped me tremendously.
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Old 02-02-2018, 06:02 PM
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You said you felt powerless to change. I was like that. I wanted to change, desperately. Sought out all kinds of good advice, but just could not carry it off. The will was there but the power was not.

So I took my willingness to Alcoholics Anonymous and worked their program. The result was that I was changed. I found a Power that could bring that about. I am a completely different person today, yet I cannot think of one single change in me that I engineered my self.

There are a lot of 12 step programs out there, over 200 I am told. For me, alcoholism was my problem, alcohol was the solution. I can understand how someone with a different medical condition might try to use alcohol as a medication. A lot of folks hit the bottle over grief for example. An ex girlfriends mother did that when she found out her daughter was dating me. Locked her self in a hotel room for three days, drunk as an owl. Then she got over the upset, and returned to normal life. She was not alcoholic,

As I read your post I thought of an organisation I think is called emotions anonymous. Someone else here might have more details. I gather these are folks who have difficulty handling their emotions. Maybe they could help. If you can fix the main disorder, the drinking would no longer be necessary. On the other hand, if alcoholism is the problem, no amount of fixing other issues will help.
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