CaliButterfly

I've been an alcoholic for 13 years. Started late in life (37), never thought it could happen to me. Ha. Went to rehab twice, 2nd time it stuck for a year. Got complacent, relapsed. Since then, stopped for two weeks and then 3 days. That was 2 years ago and it was always vodka and always at night only. January 1st of last year, I decided it wouldn't be so bad if I switched to wine (no blackouts or shakes, etc). Haven't touched vodka since, but wine isn't much better. Gained 30 lbs in a year, still had shakes and anxiety, and still couldn't go out to be social because I don't drink & drive. No blackouts, but brownouts for sure. Last weekend, about halfway into the evening, I don't know what came over me, but I snapped. My husband is also an alcoholic and I think we were bickering over something trivial. I just remember saying I've had enough. I threw away my open and closed boxes of wine and dumped my glass. I sat on the couch and sobered up, wondering if I meant what I said. The more I sobered up, the more I realized, without a shadow of a doubt, I will not drink again. EVER. I just don't want to. No struggles, no cravings since. Not one. The first day was tough from the shakes and anxiety of detoxing, but since then, nothing. Even watching my hubby doesn't phase me. It's been 5 days and I'm happier than I've been in 13 years. During my year of sobriety in 2013, I had the mantra of I Will Not Drink Today, and it helped tremendously, but I still wanted to and fought against it. I don't understand the difference now, but I thank the universe and very grateful. Peace to all.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back CaliButterfly, that's a pretty profound realization, glad to hear you've made the decision to stay sober. I had a similar "realization" the last time I quit - there was just something about that day that I knew I had to quit right then and right there.

Hope you can join us along your journey.

Dee74

Welcome back CaliButterfly

D

saoutchik

All the best CaliButterfly!

Finalround

Hey Cali! I too have a n alcoholic spouse. Makes things difficult at times and almost celebrates my relapses. They get their drinking buddy back. Need to make it about you first. (Me too). I'm much happier when I do not drink. Feel like I can conquer the world. Drinking makes me lethargic, moody, depressed and anxious. All common themes in these threads.
Stay strong and keep posting. SR is a great support group.

August252015

Glad you are back and off to a good start.

What's your plan for staying sober for good this time? You can do it- hope this is your last time!