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My ex fiancée. The alcoholic

Old 01-30-2018, 09:30 AM
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My ex fiancée. The alcoholic

Hello, it’s been one week since I moved out of our home. I caught him in a lie and he still won’t really give me straight answers. I am going through all of the intense emotions. I tried contacting his family but they won’t speak to me. I know he’s been on a binge. I’m just so sad, he didn’t chase me, he hadn’t contacted me since I left. We were engaged! Why wouldn’t he want me to stay. All I wanted was answers, it’s not fair. He’s giving me the silent treatment like I did something to him and I am sure he told him family something bad about me. I didn’t want this. I would have never left him but he did he crossed the one boundary I had. I never follow through so he probably thought he could get away with it. It’s just a vicious cycle, I thought things were getting better. I can’t believe he just let me leave.
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:04 AM
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Hi, Cookiee.
Welcome.
Well, sounds like you have set a pretty firm boundary now.
Sorry you are hurting.
More will be revealed, I think.
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:11 AM
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Sorry for your pain but consider it a gift that he left before you got married. Sounds like he is more committed to staying drunk/high then to a real relationship which is sad, but true. At least you know now versus 10, 20 plus years of living with an addict who is not willing to commit to a life of recovery.
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Old 01-30-2018, 11:09 AM
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I know it hurts and I'm sorry you are left trying to 'figure' out the why's of any addicts behavior. When I'm in active addiction I have no idea why I do what I do. So it would be impossible for anyone that isn't an addict to understand.

You dodged a bullet. You can thank him when he finally shows up. Do yourself a favor, find someone who isn't an addict. Unfortunately most of us are a real pain in the backside.
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Old 01-30-2018, 11:53 AM
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I'm sorry for your situation. Setting boundaries and following through is a hard thing to do. I hope you find some peace.
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Old 01-30-2018, 08:00 PM
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Thank you

Thanks for your replies. My ex and i got into it via text message and he is now accusing me of doing what he won’t admit he did (even though i have proof!) I realize it’s craziness and i will never understand. Is it normal for them to lie and act this way even when not under the influence? Anyway, I have a lot of work to do in getting back into therapy and CODA.
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Old 01-30-2018, 09:59 PM
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I hope you never get to that level of understanding. Only an alcoholic/addict will, and it's something I'd rather you not have to struggle with.

Yeah, it made me lose touch with reality even when not under the influence. Or rather, it made me exchange what was real and insert my perception of events, because I desperately wanted someone or something else to be the problem instead of me and my drinking.


Originally Posted by Cookiee View Post
. . . Why wouldn’t he want me to stay. All I wanted was answers, it’s not fair. He’s giving me the silent treatment like I did something to him . . .
Nope, it's not fair. I know it's cliché, but life's not fair. You did do something to him - in his eyes you got in between him and his desire to drink the way he wants to drink. For someone not willing to give it up, anything and anyone in the way gets pushed aside.

Sorry you had to learn it this way, but it's better now than after your lives are even more enmeshed together thru marriage and joint property, children, more "history" of time spent together. Good for you for not tolerating it!

My now ex-wife learned it after 14 years of marriage, with all the pain and heartbreak it brings.
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Old 01-31-2018, 01:33 AM
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Its not you, its him.

It really is that simple.

Don't walk, run!
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