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Another day one for me.

Old 02-01-2018, 09:07 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by asixstringnut View Post
I didn’t make it 3 days. I now realize that I have no control over alcohol. I use to be a problem drinker but now I believe I am a full blown addict that cannot stop drinking. I tried rehab, I have tried AA, I have tried almost everything know to man but I keep coming back to the drink. I am not going to make pitiful excuses as to why I drank last night. I drink to try to blot out the pain of loneliness and feeling of being useless.
This is not how I envisioned my life to be but here I am. I just can’t seem to get a grip on quitting.
The song Helpless by CSN&Y is playing in the background on pandora as I write this. I give up. it has become such an embarrassment for me to even post on here anymore.

asixstringnut
Sorry to hear that sixstring. Interestingly enough, you say that you aren't going to make any excuses as to why you drank last night, but then you did exactly that in the next sentence ( I drink to blot out pain, lonliness, feeling useless, etc ). I don't say that to call you out or shame you, because all of us did exactly the same thing at one point. But at face value, all of those things are excuses - drinking makes all of those things worse.

So where do you go from here? Quitting posting would be a pretty bad idea - kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your own face like they say. Rehab and AA did not work last time - but that doesn't mean they wouldn't work this time.

Perhaps the reason none of what you are doing is "working" is because you aren't letting it. Getting sober is hard work, and many times we want the recovery method to "fit" our lifestyle and dictate what we will or won't do. No matter what path you take, getting sober is going to require you to do things you don't want to do, and make you do uncomfortable.

So refer to your own signature if you need some inspiration - "don't ever quit trying to quit".
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Old 02-01-2018, 09:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Please don't give up, six

What solidified my sobriety was a complete and utter belief that I am an alcoholic and drinking will lead me to a bad place every single time.

Accepting that life can be tough and that I am not always going to feel good has taken me a long way.

Loneliness and feeling useless, you can change those things but not as long as you keep drinking.

Don't ever quit trying to quit!!!!!!!!!! (you said it, not me )
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:23 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Hey 6 - don’t quit. We’ve all btdt and have the t-shirt. It’s a club that nobody wants to belong too. I have tucked tale and posted here MANY times after a relapse. You’re not alone. If this were easy, none of us would be here.
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:42 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Keep posting, Sixstring.
What made you drink last night? Can you isolate the thought or action that made you drink again? If you can identify what it was, you can figure out ways to counteract it if and when it recurs. For me, I post here every day, read posts every day, and text with people from SR daily, and that seems to work.
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:30 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hey asixstringnut,
I've seen you on here alot so i think alot of know you've been trying. If you're feeling lonely why not go to a meeting or volunteer or something. I found that it was integral for me to plan out my day completely early in sobriety. Did you play the tape forward?
I hope things get better for you!
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Old 02-01-2018, 02:12 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I'm sorry to hear you drank, but you are still here and posting so that is really good! Don't beat yourself up about it too much, just get back on the horse and start again. I agree with Outonthetiles that it can be helpful to examine what triggered you to drink so you can make a plan to get around that issue next time. I hope you are safe and well. You can do this!!!
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Old 02-01-2018, 02:32 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Six, As I said before - we're always going to be here to encourage you. Please don't stop trying for a better life. Many of us got it right after decades of drinking - there's no doubt you can do it too. Keep talking to us.
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Old 02-01-2018, 04:30 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Hey six

when my only tool was a bottle my only remedy was to drink.

That made me feel useless and pathetic which meant I needed to apply my remedy again....

See how self serving that cycle is?

Start with a simple premise - you're not a loser and you're not helpless.

You're addicted, but addiction can be dealt with.

If you can't deal with it alone, get some help - even if its a retry of things you've tried before.

Try everything - but the one thing you can't do is keep relying on that bottle to solve your problems.

It's like petrol on an open fire Six.

Search harder, cast your net wider for solutions - you're worth the effort.

D
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Old 02-01-2018, 05:06 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Alcohol wants to isolate you, six. Make sure you feel so low the only way to feel better is to drink. It's a lie! Know your AV for what it is.

A better life awaits you. Throw out the alcohol, start again. Do something nice for yourself, be it a meeting, shopping, volunteering, a hobby, or a long walk. Find some joy in your life.

I believe in you.
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:17 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by asixstringnut View Post
I didn’t make it 3 days. I now realize that I have no control over alcohol. I use to be a problem drinker but now I believe I am a full blown addict that cannot stop drinking. I tried rehab, I have tried AA, I have tried almost everything know to man but I keep coming back to the drink. I am not going to make pitiful excuses as to why I drank last night. I drink to try to blot out the pain of loneliness and feeling of being useless.
This is not how I envisioned my life to be but here I am. I just can’t seem to get a grip on quitting.
The song Helpless by CSN&Y is playing in the background on pandora as I write this. I give up. it has become such an embarrassment for me to even post on here anymore.

asixstringnut
Don’t give up! If you like songs, instead of “Helpless” look up “Maybe it’s Time” by Sixx:AM.
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:48 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hi Six,

I know you want sobriety, you can do this, don't give up!!!
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:52 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I suppose I could have once said that AA didn't work for me either. I went to about ten meetings, or rather they came to me in the hospital. A couple of dedicated old guys drove a long way to try and help us. I guess they did their best but, though I was not anti AA, whatever their message was, it went right over my head. I just could not connect the dots which I now think meant I could not at that time, see the reality of my situation. No ones fault, I just couldn't see the truth. Also I did the meetings, but have no recollection of even considering the steps. I did not catch on that there was an actual program.

A year or so later I am at deaths door all options having failed. I was the last survivor of my group who had turned down the AA lifeline. 2 sober in AA, 7 dead, and me.

I would be number 8 if I had not been willing to give AA another go. This time was a completely different experience. My eyes had been opened to the truth, and I saw what needed to be done in order to recover, though I really did not believe it would work for me. I brought all the open mindedness, willingness and honesty I could muster to the process, and, very much to my surprise, made a full and permanent recovery.

In the end there was only one thing I had to give up, self reliance.
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