Catldy

Hi all!

So i screwed up again. I decided today would be the day and already my brain is saying "you have one more week off before you start your new job.... it's ok"

I've been struggling ever since I got out of rehab in Dec. I'm still going to meetings and managed to get a whole 5 days....twice.

I'm tired of this, being sober feels so great. Why do i continue to mess it up? But here I go again.

There's no alcohol in the house because nothing lasts in my house. It's gone within 12 hours and I'm the only adult so I have to buy it. Also there's no one here so if I do drink it's soley up to me to tell on myself. This is why I'm terrified

tomls

Thank you for your honesty! Thank you for coming right back and posting! You can make this your last time you have to go through this. You know how good it feels after a few days, it gets better with more time. I start every morning checking in on the 24 hour recovery connection thread to remind me of who I am and I can't drink. I think it has helped me a lot. Read and post as needed. I look forward to seeing you around!

ShenzyT

Hi Catldy
Just seen your reply on my post .....
It feels like hell doesn't it? To be back here so many times .... Being sober feels amazing - yet this bloody AV keeps coming along and justifying why it's ok to have a drink......
I don't have a plan yet (other than I know I'm so fed up of this "alcohol cycle of hell") - so don't feel I can give out advice.....but we can do this. Keep posting, every day ...... I'll be here .... I'm not moving far from here......we can do this ...... this time ......
Sending you big hugs.
xxxx

Rar

Hi Catldy. I understand how your feel. Though I wasn't in rehab, I was terrified of still another first day and fretted about the withdrawal I knew would be coming. I had terrible anxiety, but I think it was the fearfulness on what the first day would bring. Hang in there. It will pass. You have proven you can do this.

Strawberry18

I'm
With you both day 1 AgAIN! We can do this xx

biminiblue

You can do this, anyone can. Read around on this forum and you'll see many who have and are now living good honest clean and healthy lives. I am one.

I think you missed the first step. The first step is accepting that nothing good that way lies and every drink leads to the same place. In AA the 1st Step is, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. ." Obviously that is the case here or you would just be able to walk away with no problem.

Admitting you are doing something that is detrimental and you do it anyway? That is addiction. Textbook, really.

So.

Acceptance is the key. Accepting that it is over, wave the white flag, alcohol won. That's the only way.

Tommytom222222

Hi Catldy, I have been dry for four days now. I have had a couple of dozen times when I drank in the last 6 years. So I've had quite a few day one's myself. The important thing to do is accept that you have a drink problem and then move on to your recovery. Take it one day at a time, keep as much stress out of your life as possible. Keep busy, be it tidying your home, visiting friends, going to a meeting, phoning a fellow alcoholic... Eat well and get into an easily followed routine. Simple things like that make it a bit less painful. It is hard, I know. I drank for 30 years, and was in rehab 6 years ago. Don't be hard on yourself, you are only human, and are ruled by emotions. The demon will tell you it's OK to have one drink but all it cares about is destroying you. You are worth more than that.
Keep fighting, keep safe...

Bird615

When I relapsed, I tried everything to get sober again except going back to AA meetings.

It took me four and a half years before I finally gave up, accepted that I couldn't do it on my own anymore and went back to AA. That gave me the jump start I needed to start living the program in my daily life again, which is what I need to keep me sober. I can live life on life's terms without looking for the solution to what ails me in a bottle.

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm glad you're here and working on your sobriety.

Were there tools that you learned in rehab that can you help you to get past five days? I know you will find lots of support here.

julietUK

Hi Catldy, welcome to SR. You are in the right place.

Nonsensical

I have one of those voices in my head, too. Many of us do. We call it our "AV" - our Alcoholic Voice

For a long time (decades) I thought I had that voice in my head because there was something wrong with me. I had some flaw, or bad character, or defect. Every time I drank (after realizing I had to stop) I'd be like What is wrong with me!?!

Turns out there's nothing wrong with me except I got my brain addicted to alcohol and I didn't know how to unaddict it. Once I stopped beating myself for being an addict and focused my efforts on working through the addiction things got better for me in a hurry!

Rootin for ya!

You can do this!

tomsteve

good on ya for going to meetings!
why do you mess up.....hhmmmmm... are you DOINg anything other than going to meetings? reading the big book? got a sponsor? working the program?

why you mess up- if all youre doing is going to meetings it could simply be because of untreated alcoholism.
going to meetings is great, but going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
its the steps we take, not the meetings we make, that treats alcoholism.

have you decided you want what we have?
do you know what it is that we have?

Danielle423

"Also there's no one here so if I do drink it's soley up to me to tell on myself"

The only person you will truly listen to is yourself. Think about all the times people told you that you should get sober and that didn't make you get sober right? You can do this! I made a list of all the things that I loved about sobriety and would read it over and over again and that helped me a lot.

You can do this!

Hevyn

Hi Catldy. You proved that it only made you feel miserable, & didn't give you the results you were looking for. You'll be more determined now.

Dee74

Welcome back catldy
maybe joining the January support thread, and posting regularly, could help?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-3-a-8.html

D

Dee74

welcome back Tommy

D