Sober again
 

Today is my 46th day sober. I'll give the quick and dirty version of my story, as it's a lot like so many others' stories. I started drinking at about 11 and very quickly started drinking almost every day. Flash forward 34 years. I've been sober a month here, a week there, 9 months twice when I got pregnant and God intervened and made it so I couldn't stand the thought of alcohol, but for the most part I was drinking.

I wasn't a functional alcoholic really. I was a mess. My husband had just as much of a problem as I did and we neither of us did each other any favors. Seven years ago, he decided he'd had enough and he walked out. Perfect time to get sober, right? Nope! I wallowed. Poor me and my failed relationship and my single parenting.

Two years ago, my son said, "Mom, please stop drinking." He was seven. It shook me to my core. I quit. Then and there. I ate better, I exercised, I lost 40 pounds, I spent tons of time with my kid, I was a better mom, daughter, friend, and employee. Life was rainbows and rosebuds. I made it to seven months sober and..... I blew it.

I figured I could celebrate for a weekend. Look how far I'd come. I was strong, surely stronger than alcohol. The weekend came and went. I rationalized a week, two, a month. And then FIFTEEN MONTHS went by with me drinking nearly every night, not managing to stay sober more than six freaking days at a time.

I just could not stop. I tried to reason with myself, I tried to reason with God, I tried to get to the point that I was scared enough to finally, finally just give myself a chance to live. So I prayed. Then I prayed some more, and some more after that, until I was pretty sure God blocked my number because he thought I was on endless repeat.

December 12, 2017 the miracle happened. I woke up and I was done. I just knew I could stop that day, and I did. Any time I start to hear that wheedling, rationalizing voice, I instantly think of the fifteen months I lost, that my son lost, and how scared I was that I would be defeated by my addiction and that I would die before I got to really live my life.

I'm still dealing with the shame, and the fear, and the bad dreams, and the 20 pounds I put back on. I'll take it all, because along with that, I have 46 days and counting.

In those 46 days, I have read THOUSANDS of posts on here that have gotten me through some tough moments. I never posted during that time because of self-doubt and concern that I would somehow offend someone else. Thank you to everyone who has the courage to share their stories and emotions. It helped me find my way.

Great post, and congrats!

Sometimes is *does* simply happen just like that,
which is a gift.

DON'T RETURN IT!

;-)

Welcome! Please don't hesitate to post! It does every one else as much good as it does you! Your son needs you to be sober. Put yourself in his shoes. I have always checked in the 24 hour recovery connection thread every morning to remind me of who I am and I can't drink. I think it has helped me a lot. Thank you for posting! You can do this! If I can you can! Best wishes for you on your journey!

Thank you for your story and congrats on over a month! I'm a little past two days and scared, but decided I'm going to give 90 meetings in 90 days a try. And prayer does change things...my mess ups always come when I stop reading His word and just rationalize, isolate, and marinate in all things negative. And out of the mouth of babes come the truth, right? Just think how by the time your son reaches the age you started drinking you'll have years of sobriety under your belt...and a story for him to never take it up himself. Hope you are going to meetings and collecting coins...maybe you can start a scrapbook of your sobriety journey and give to him at an age that you feel comfortable talking about your struggle with addiction? Your starting a wonderful new legacy for your son...please keep going and keep posting!

Welcome and very nicely said!

It's Amazing with the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing when the moment arrives you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing and I'm saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
---Aerosmith---

Sounds like you had a Steven Tyler event. Remarkable!!!
I spent around $600 CND in 40 days it's hard to say exactly.
Day 33. Feeling much better.
Good post BTW.

welcome to sr 🙂

Welcome to SR and well done on getting this far. Addiction really is the ultimate destroyer.....so happy to hear you have found your way out.
Best wishes.

Just a comical and somewhat necessary note to add:

Since I'm a minor deity of OCD, I didn't just quit drinking when I started this journey (this time). I also quit drinking caffeinated soda the same day (to add the debilitating anti-caffeine headaches to my fun detox), and I decided I would get my step goal on my fitness tracker every day from then on, no excuses.

Today is my 50th day sober. I was walking up the stairs tonight and my tracker started going off: I got my goal. And it just kept going off. I glanced down at it and it said, "50 DAYS!!!" in red and gold with fireworks all over the place. It was like the universe was celebrating my milestone with me. I felt sheepishly proud and giggled at myself.

I hope the universe celebrates your victories too!

Well done on 50 days sober.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Keep going - you're doing amazing.
xx

Good for you.

I spent many years of my eldest child's young life drunk and have been sober for most of the second's life. (my children are 11 years apart).

Its a gift, and in my view now a responsibility.

Now if I could just get the rest of my sh$t together.

Great job on 50, see you at 500! You got this.

What a Fantastic post, Fntastic!!!!!!!

I look forward to more of your uplifting posts :grouphug:

Thanks so much for these posts, and welcome to the "talking" side.

https://media1.tenor.com/images/7528...itemid=8120829

Isn't it strange how OUR minds work.

Drinking is ruining my life, so I quit drinking and my life improves tremendously. Next step, let's celebrate by, you guessed it, drinking.

I'm so glad you have realized that this doesn't work. It took me a long time to realize it.

Congratulations on having the strength to quit drinking.Your story sounds like mine and probably many others. In my case I am on day 1 again. Not feeling confident like you but your story inspires me to try again . My daughter hates when I drink like your son. Thanks for sharing!!!!

welcome FlawedNFntastic and congratulations on 50 days :)

D