Jess1998

I messed up. We needed money to keep living so I went back to sex work. My mom saw me and got mad and told me if I didn't stop I'd be thrown out. I can't be thrown out because I keep her afloat and pay the bills. I ****** up tonight and got buzzed to cope with the fact that I let people **** me and I just need to know I didn't mess up that much. I'm just trying to take care of my family and this is the only way I can do it

Burningstariv4

You absolutely need to find another way . Prostitution and relapse/addiction go hand in hand. You cannot do one and not have the other. If you're unable to sustain yourself where you are without sex work you need to find another way. If you're willing, there is always a way...

Hopedeferred

There's a lot of other jobs out there that don't have to risk your health or life. Are you saying you messed up by going back to sex work or booze or both? Hope you give up both...glad you are sharing here and tomorrow is a new day. If you have to get 3 jobs at 3 different fast food restaurants...just please don't go back to the sex work. It must be killing you from the inside and is likely at the route of your chemical dependency. God bless you and know your already forgiven in His eyes. Forgive yourself and look for work that won't cause you emotional & physical harm, please!

Berrybean

You know Jess, there are two completely separate things here.

1) your work - I can't really comment on that. I have no experience of it at all, and no way of knowing if you really did need to do that (when you don't sound too happy about it).

We can really put ourselves through the wringer in sobriety though - when we try to go against their own integrity sober it stings. And the reason for that, well, one lady I know in AA, she says her HP is her conscience, and when she does things she's not comfortable with in sobriety, her HP / conscience gives her a nasty nip. While she's sober, her HP can keep her safe. I don't think she just means physically. She means safe from her destructive alcoholic side.

2) the fact that you chose to drink to solve a problem, when alcohol never solves Jack. This is why I need my recovery plan. So I can Live sober. So I don't go grabbing for my old faulty solutions when I get fearful or angry. All alcohol does is make situations worse. Please, just chuck out any booze you've got left, sleep off the effects of what you drank, and start again tomorrow. Maybe think about your recovery plan - maybe hit an AA meeting tomorrow.

Hugs to ya. Maybe this is your 'rock bottom' that you're hitting. Nothing wrong with reaching your rock bottom. It's a great place to start building up from.

BB

Dee74

Hi Jess

I'm sorry you're in such a bind. Like Berrybean says, I don;t know too much about sex work but I know that drinking is not the answer.

I drank for a long time, trying to make the intolerable tolerable.
It's no way to live a life.

Sounds like you'd be better off earning money in a job that doesn't make you feel so bad about yourself?

D

Jess1998

I'm sober today just there is no job that earns the money that I do doing this to keep us afloat. I've done sex work since I was 14 I'm okay just I think alcoholic is the only way to cope sometimes and I messed up by getting buzzed

ProfessorD

I agree, even though I know it will be hard. It's so wonderful that you are supporting your family, but what about your mental and physical health? It's no way to live. Even if it's an uphill battle and scary, you need to make a change. That's my opinion, at least. We all support you!

Anna

Jess, I'm sorry you're struggling. Sex work and addiction so often go together. I'm just really concerned for you because sex work is dangerous. I understand that it's very hard to get out of the business, but there may be local agencies that could help you with that. I live in Canada and I know there are agencies here that will help women get away from sex work and to find a safer way to make a living.

DangerZone

If your job whether it is a sex worker or working at the post office is causing you to relapse then you need to do something else. Money is nice but if you are miserable and using drugs/alcohol with it then obviously your job is not worth it.

Berrybean

Thing is, there are cost involved to this job which might well outweigh the rate of pay.

If this the price you pay for your safety. For your happiness (feeling the need to blot out your last job by getting loaded - that's not job satisfaction) . For the fears and hurt that it causes the very family you say you're doing it for - it strikes me that what your mum is saying is, dont say you're doing this for her. Maybe she won't have the choice about making you leave because you'll stay regardless, but it'll carry on hurting her. And at the cost of how you see yourself and are able to be open and honest with others about what you do - Honestly, while we bubble wrap ourselves in lies, then we keep out love as well as keeping in the truth. It makes us very very lonely.

Alcoholics do tend to want instant gratification. Instant reward. And I can see how this job kinda ticks that box. Financially anyway.

But, if something causes as many problems as it solves, then it's not exactly a good long term plan.

BB

Burningstariv4

Jess, how are you doing?
I know drinking is probably how you are able to cope while doing dates and even after. I can't imagine what you must be going through.