Want to start Recovery but don’t know where to start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 15
Want to start Recovery but don’t know where to start
Hi my name is J and I apologize in advance for the numerous spelling and grammar errors that I’m sure to make. I’m 22 turning 23 this March and I’m a alcoholic. I’ve been drinking since I was 15 and for the past 3 years I’ve been drinking 7+ drinks a night. I’ve never really considered this a problem except for this past year. I’m married to my high school sweet heart and this year will make 3 very amazing years of marriage. I have a great job that we both work at so we are around each other all the time. And I have the two greatest dogs anyone could ever ask for. I’ve been blessed to have a great apartment and not a lot of debt. So on the outside it would look like I would have a great life and would be the happiest guy in the world. But the truth is I’m miserable. I have terrible depression and anxiety. Which I’ve struggled with since my early teens. I’ve been on every anti depressant under the moon and none of them work for me. So when I discovered booze it was like the world just opened up to me I was happy and felt like I could enjoy life and be around people. When I started it was just with friends at party’s and I loved it. It wasn’t till my mother passed when I was 16 that I started to drink a lot more and found that it took the pain away. And that I could just drink and forget for a while. Then I met my soon to be wife at 17 and feel head over heels and for the first year of dateing I didn’t drink anything ( she didn’t like the party crowd I was with )I was so happy to have some stability . Then we graduated high school and I got a job working at our local base as a civilian contracter painting. It was a very long stressful job and I’d sometimes work 14 days in a row before getting a day off. So obviously my depression and anxiety flared up again and I began drinking heavily again it was probably the worst time of my life and I drank more then I ever have. I left that job and had various jobs after that till the one I have now which I love. But I countined drinking heavily sometimes going a couple weeks off to make my wife happy. She hates that I drink she don’t use to worry about when I was younger. She probably thought it was a phase. But it’s definitely caused a strain in our marriage. Lately it’s all I can think about is drinking. I’m at work right now and all I can do is thinking about getting off work to go home and drink beer and I know that’s not healthy . My doctor has recommend I go to aa meetings or see a therapist. But I just don’t know if I’m ready yet I don’t know if that’s the addiction talking or what. But I know that I need to make a change. I want to be a better person and a better husband. If anyone has any advice at all that would really appreciated.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Welcome aboard
You’ve already started off on a good foot by finding SR and posting. Lots of experience and support around here , come back often , read, post ,ask, and come back often.
When I found SR I learned about AVRT , great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum.
I spent years starting and then stopping quitting, until I came to the idea that I could Quit , full stop, and that without doing that I wasn’t actually Quitting , just continually starting to quit .
Being able to see quitting as an event and not process made it more doable.
If you want to quit , you can , no matter what you tell yourself, you can do it.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Rootin for ya
You’ve already started off on a good foot by finding SR and posting. Lots of experience and support around here , come back often , read, post ,ask, and come back often.
When I found SR I learned about AVRT , great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum.
I spent years starting and then stopping quitting, until I came to the idea that I could Quit , full stop, and that without doing that I wasn’t actually Quitting , just continually starting to quit .
Being able to see quitting as an event and not process made it more doable.
If you want to quit , you can , no matter what you tell yourself, you can do it.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Rootin for ya
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Welcome! First of all you can't quit drinking for anyone else. It has to be for you. I tried to quit a lot when I was your age. I am 60 now. Don't think that I wouldn't love to turn the clock back. Please don't wait. You can have a long wonderful life with your wife. One day at a time. I have always checked in the 24 hour recovery connection every morning to remind me of who I am and I can't drink. I think it has helped me. Best wishes for you on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Welcome,man. I think most alcoholics/problem drinkers/whatever have depression and anxiety. I now(that i'm sober) know I suffered from both about the same time as you. I didn't start 'needing' to drink until my mid 30's,so just know it gets worse the longer you continue. If you walked into an open/closed AA meeting and said what you posted here,at your age...You'd be amazed at how freeing it would feel. I'm not an avid AA'er..Never even read the 'big book',but it has turned my life around at 41. "normal" people can't understand where you're coming from and the 'need'..Seek some help while you're young and your life will be better than it is now. I promise!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Unsteady 
Hi my name is J and I apologize in advance for the numerous spelling and grammar errors that I’m sure to make. I’m 22 turning 23 this March and I’m a alcoholic. I’ve been drinking since I was 15 and for the past 3 years I’ve been drinking 7+ drinks a night. I’ve never really considered this a problem except for this past year. I’m married to my high school sweet heart and this year will make 3 very amazing years of marriage. I have a great job that we both work at so we are around each other all the time. And I have the two greatest dogs anyone could ever ask for. I’ve been blessed to have a great apartment and not a lot of debt. So on the outside it would look like I would have a great life and would be the happiest guy in the world. But the truth is I’m miserable. I have terrible depression and anxiety. Which I’ve struggled with since my early teens. I’ve been on every anti depressant under the moon and none of them work for me. So when I discovered booze it was like the world just opened up to me I was happy and felt like I could enjoy life and be around people. When I started it was just with friends at party’s and I loved it. It wasn’t till my mother passed when I was 16 that I started to drink a lot more and found that it took the pain away. And that I could just drink and forget for a while. Then I met my soon to be wife at 17 and feel head over heels and for the first year of dateing I didn’t drink anything ( she didn’t like the party crowd I was with )I was so happy to have some stability . Then we graduated high school and I got a job working at our local base as a civilian contracter painting. It was a very long stressful job and I’d sometimes work 14 days in a row before getting a day off. So obviously my depression and anxiety flared up again and I began drinking heavily again it was probably the worst time of my life and I drank more then I ever have. I left that job and had various jobs after that till the one I have now which I love. But I countined drinking heavily sometimes going a couple weeks off to make my wife happy. She hates that I drink she don’t use to worry about when I was younger. She probably thought it was a phase. But it’s definitely caused a strain in our marriage. Lately it’s all I can think about is drinking. I’m at work right now and all I can do is thinking about getting off work to go home and drink beer and I know that’s not healthy . My doctor has recommend I go to aa meetings or see a therapist. But I just don’t know if I’m ready yet I don’t know if that’s the addiction talking or what. But I know that I need to make a change. I want to be a better person and a better husband. If anyone has any advice at all that would really appreciated.
I understand not being ready for meetings and therapy (I'm in the same boat), but you know you need to quit, so it's time to start making commitments.
You can be the man and husband you want to be, and you have the great advantage of not being very far down the rabbit hole.
You're young. You're capable. You can do this! Use these forums. Read the articles about what alcohol is doing to your body. Read other people's posts. Everyone here is incredibly supportive here. I would t be 4 days sober if it wasn't for them.
You don't need to drink when you get home. It will only make things worse. Shower, eat, kiss your wife, watch a movie, take the dogs for a walk.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by GirlScreaming
You don't need to drink when you get home. It will only make things worse. Shower, eat, kiss your wife, watch a movie, take the dogs for a walk.
You can do this!
You can do this!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
When I was 21 the courts locked me up in a psychiatric hospital for my behaviour. Three months before my 23rd birthday I was in a bad way, malnutrition, hallucinations, looking at the end. No money, no friends, no job, possessions in a plastic rubbish bag.
I joined aa. Got a sponsor, worked the program of recovery which is only found in the big book. I was 22 then, I am 60 now and have had a life beyond anything I could have imagined. The big book is full of promises. Every one of them came true. I haven’t taken a drink since then.
I joined aa. Got a sponsor, worked the program of recovery which is only found in the big book. I was 22 then, I am 60 now and have had a life beyond anything I could have imagined. The big book is full of promises. Every one of them came true. I haven’t taken a drink since then.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Gottalife
When I was 21 the courts locked me up in a psychiatric hospital for my behaviour. Three months before my 23 dream birthday I was in a bad way, malnutrition, hallucinations, looking at the end. No money, no friends, no job, possessions in a plastic rubbish bag.
I joined aa. Got a sponsor, worked the program of recovery which is only found in the big book. I was 22 then, I am 60 now and have had a life beyond anything I could have imagined. The big book is full of promises. Every one of them came true. I haven’t taken a drink since then.
I joined aa. Got a sponsor, worked the program of recovery which is only found in the big book. I was 22 then, I am 60 now and have had a life beyond anything I could have imagined. The big book is full of promises. Every one of them came true. I haven’t taken a drink since then.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Unsteady
Thank y’all so much for the warm welcome I’m definitely gonna throw out all the booze in the house. I’ll have my wife there to make sure I don’t slip up so wish me luck tonight guys.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by DontRemember
Wow! No offense,but I thought you were younger than that. I was just thinking today about the meetings/people at my normal place. It's weird,but I think I miss them? They're basically strangers that know my first name and some dark stuff I've done while drunk..38yrs...wow! Guess it does 'work if you work it'.
Incidentally, in aa we are not supposed to be anonymous from each other. My dark stuff was shared with God and another human being, and now it only comes out when I use it to help someone else. You know the promise ... “ no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can help others.”
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
Welcome, Unsteady! Good for you taking the first step to getting sober- this is a great place for support and advice, spend lots and lots of time here reading and asking any question that you may have. Keep us in the loop!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Unsteady,
Welcome!
I think it's normal to feel very scared at the point of knowing you need to stop drinking for good. The disease wants you to believe that you won't be able to make it, but you will. If you look around here, you will see lots of people who are living happy and fulfilled lives, with no alcohol involved.
I'm sorry about your issue with anxiety and depression. It might be worth to try to talk to your dr about it again. Maybe there is something new that would work for you. I had to try a few medications to find one that worked.
Welcome!
I think it's normal to feel very scared at the point of knowing you need to stop drinking for good. The disease wants you to believe that you won't be able to make it, but you will. If you look around here, you will see lots of people who are living happy and fulfilled lives, with no alcohol involved.
I'm sorry about your issue with anxiety and depression. It might be worth to try to talk to your dr about it again. Maybe there is something new that would work for you. I had to try a few medications to find one that worked.
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