Rainey0419

4 years ago I started drinking, a lot of it had to do with my inability to deal with things. I just couldn't face what was happening in front of me and it made for an easy escape, helped me sleep and best of all I felt free but little did I know what it was going to evolve into. It all started when my girlfriend and her baby were abducted, she was found later stuffed in a tote in some random ladies closet and had been stabbed over 50 times. It was a mess and I didn't know how to deal with it or what to do. The night I got that call I spent the entire night driving, driving really fast. I felt so anxious, so confused, I didn't know what to do. The next day started my 4 years of drinking.

At first it wasn't so bad, I would just drink on and off a few days out of the week if I had to guess. I'd drink till I could sleep. I had issues sleeping or even feeling calm at all and it helped. I mean it did an amazing job but the problem is things escalated. As time went on it kept getting worse and before now I could always just quit on my own but now not so much.

I currently have gotten to the point were I've lost my job, I ran off to another state just to come back. I am a mess and I know I need to stop. I tried the other day and it was a nightmare, I started seeing things. I went outside to check the mail and thought I seen some girl walking down the stairs at me in the darkness. I kept seeing things, my hands wouldn't stop shaking, couldn't sleep and my heart felt like it was beating at insane rates and I used that as a reason to start drinking again. I couldn't take it. I need help but don't know were to turn.

JJ991

I'm sorry for what you have suffered. Drinking numbs everything for a while but then has a nasty habit of turning into a real problem.

Have you been to see a doctor? This would be the first step in getting help, quitting cold turkey can be very dangerous.

One thing at a time, make that first step.

Stay with us on here, so many great people who can help.

tesquizito

We're not supposed to give medical advice, here but I hope it's safe to say if you're having hallucinations, severe shakes, or delirium tremors, you may want to seek medical attention.

It can be dangerous to detox on your own without medical supervision. There are places that can offer medical detox, even to those with financial constraints.

Then after that, you can begin the necessary work into a life of recovery away from alcohol and all the bad things that come with it. My best wishes to you in your journey. I hope you find the determination to act swiftly.

Rainey0419

I have not been to see a doctor yet, but I am thinking about stopping again tomorrow night and going to the ER and hoping they will admit me for a bit or do something that can help. I don't have insurance because sadly all this has caused me to lose my job. I need to stop, I know it. It's taken away a lot from my life. It's become a physical part of me just like oxygen. I take it away and it makes me suffer it seems.

tesquizito

I took someone in need to the ER a few months ago who was having symptoms you're describing and they took him, sans insurance.

Unfortunately, this individual decided to start drinking about 3 weeks after he got out, and is now in a worse predicament than before. If you get a medical detox, please make it your last. There is a lot of footwork to do to build your foundation of recovery. It's easy to fall right back in.

Rainey0419

I know now, I found that out first hand the other day.... It was the worst feeling in the world. I have never been so afraid. I just don't know where to begin to get the help I need. I know I need it.

Anna

I think your plan to go to the ER is a good one. That way, you will be safe while detoxing. I'm very sorry for what has happened in your life. I hope that, through sobriety, you will be able to begin dealing with the loss.

Rainey0419

When should I go? When the symptoms start it makes it hard to even walk? Do I go before? I am just trying so hard to have a plan.

JJ991

Do you have someone who can take you to the ER?

Rainey0419

yes I do, but when they can is limited.

DontRemember

Sorry for what you've been through. Horrible. I suggest going to the ER as soon as you can safely get there. I also suggest you dump what you have down the drain.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Rainey

Like others have said your health is the priority - if you can only tee up a ride at certain times make it sooner rather than later.

Not because I foresee disaster - simply because ASAP is the best and safest option

D

jryan19982

Wow man... that is a lot to take in and handle. Alcohol and drug issues escalate very quickly as I found out. Luckily I was able to stop the downward spiral and work my way out. Many cant tho. I just know that if I had continued I would be in very very bad shape right now. Im glad you are here and taking a step in the right direction and the trick is keeping yourself moving the right way. That can only happen if you move away from alcohol for good.

If your stmptoms get worse go to the hospital... i may go now if you can just because it doesnt sound good. Please take this as a wake up call and quit drinking. Next time may bw too late. A guy in my AA group just died. He had been in and out of drinking and not drinking. Drinking finally got the best of him...

Rainey0419

Yeah it was pretty bad and has stayed that way.

Owl79

Hi Rainey,

I feel heartbroken for you, for what has happened and are going through, I wish I had some comforting advise for you, I definitely agree going to ER is going to be the best thing for you right now. Some where safe that you can get the proper help you deserve.
I know its not much but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts, keeping posting rainey, and stay strong.
Sending a big hug your way. Xx

Rainey0419

Thank you, I read this and it almost brought me to tears. Going to the ER is the plan for today, later this even I will set out on my adventure to get past all this.

Owl79

Sometimes its good to cry, I hope you don't think im prying but have you had any grievance counselling at all since losing your partner? I think this could also be something to add to your plan hun.
Will check in later to see how you are. Xx

Rainey0419

I have not, I just don't know what that's going to do you know? I just don't really know what to do past the getting rid of what has become a control over me. I have always find ways to make things better but in the long run make things so much worse.

Arpeggioh

One more vote for the ER today...and please make it today. It's too easy to start second guessing that decision, and putting off action. Be very honest about your intake, then let them help you; it should truly be a relief to let professionals take over for a while. Very sorry for your past loss, wishing you the best.

jryan19982

You'd be surprised how much just talking to a professional helps. There is a reason why they are there for these types of issues because people dont often handle these sort of situations sucessfully on their own. You dont know what good it will do I understand that and questioning an unknown is common. But that's what prodessionals do, they help people through these situations. Take for instance a plumber... if you were having a plumbing leak you would (or most) would hire a professional because most people dont know how to handle such a situation. Just a bit of my prospective so take it for what it is. But in my eyes I can see it helping ESPECIALLY if that incident drove you to the place you are today.