PalmerSage

Welcome, Marshygirl! You can do this. In the beginning, I think it's about being super easy on yourself, eating ice cream if you crave sugar (or alcohol, really) and replacing your drinking routine with something else. I had good luck with reading, it's nice to be able to remember what I read the night before! Or posting here, walking, going to bed early...anything but drinking. It can be really hard at first, but the sober sleep alone is worth it.

time2shineagain

Welcome Marshygirl! I believe alcoholism is not about the quantity consumed, but how it effects us. Most times when I take that first drink something is triggered in my brain and I have no 'off switch'. It's really scary when this happens as I turn into this mad person who can't stop until all the booze is gone. I hate this side of me. Not to mention the mental obsession with alcohol... When am I going to have my next drink? Got to get home to have a drink. Can't drive after a certain time of day because I'll be drinking. It's absolutely exhausting and I'm ready to get off this ride. Day 12 for me. Hope you'll stick around and post some more

marshygirl

Omg.. this is totally me! I manage not to think about it during the day. I had a mum who was an alcoholic. She had a horrible death from dementia in a care home a couple of years ago. The doctors say is was most probably the alcohol that triggered her dementia.
So...drinking in the day reminds me of her. But come 5 or 6 in the eve, its become all about when I can open the wine. I tell myself its only 4 glasses, so its not much. Hubby has four beers so I match my drinking to his.. this is not right.
Especially when I get to the end of the bottle sometimes not feeling as if I've had any.
First day down yesterday - wine free for months and although Im tired .. not much sleep last night, I woke this morning and got out of bed to help with the school run.. not done that in months.
Always too groggy or have a headache to do that! Feel good this morning

doggonecarl

It may only be four glasses, but a bottle of wine contains 10 "units" of alcohol. And men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 units a week on a regular basis.

You are almost there in one night.

Alcoholism is progressive. How long before it's two bottles of wine to get your buzz?

Good to quit now.

Shebeens

Hi, I’m a newbie too, joined on Sunday and am finding this so helpful! Before joining I was drinking about a bottle wine each night. Some days I barely made it thru work before I started. My anxiety levels were sky high. On Sunday I decided enough is enough. I haven’t had a drink since then. I have taken a previously dr prescribed anti anxiety at a tiny dosage each night but I don’t like how it make me feel. I’ve stopped taking it. I am on depression med and have been for several years and will stay on it. I made an appt with dr to discuss it all..... I have found that telling some people about my struggle is helping. No one is shunning me.... some have told me to keep drinking but moderate. My response is that I can’t. I have tried many times over and over, failure each time. It is like me trying to eat one chocolate chip cookie, not possible, I end up eating 10, so I eat none.
Before finding this site I joined a weight loss program. I’ve gained weight from drinking and am not happy with it. I finally realized I don’t need a weight loss program I need alcohol help. I drink, I eat..... it’s tied together. So my goal is to not drink and lose this weight. I truly enjoy seltzer water so that is what my home is stocked with now. Sugar free popsicles are my go to now instead of the wine bottle. Good luck to you! I am on day 6 and looking forward to long term sobriety.

ProfessorD

Welcome! I have googled that and other phrases countless times. It's so great that you are here! Wonderful things are about to happen for you.

tealily

Marshygirl,
At the beginning when you quit, sleep is notoriously hard. It's because you haven't been falling asleep naturally, normally, you've in effect been passing out from the wine. So don't worry, it's to be expected, and it WILL pass. it's one of the blessings of quitting... wonderful, natural sleep. Crawling into bed feeling good, waking up feeling even better.

You can do this!

EliL

If you were drinking a bottle of wine a night and were enjoying it then I would say it’s up to you what you do! But you are not enjoying it by the tone of your post and that, for me, is worth getting to the reason of why you feel you have to do it. Sounds like your husband is happy drinking 4 cans a night, my great uncle lived till96 and he only stopped drinking his daily 4 pints of ale a night in his late 80s as it started to give him an upset stomach so your husband can crack on no biggie. But you need to look forward IMO and accept that if things stay the same fir the remaining decades of your life you are going to feel like crap on a daily basis, have to give up important goals and keep doing something that you don’t want to do on a daily basis too. How do you feel about that?

Welcome!

marshygirl

I guess a habit was what made a bottle a night a regular occurrence? Stress of kids when they were younger - now they are teenagers.. and yes it was enjoyable to sit and unwind in the evening, We dont do much else as in smoke or eat rubbish - so I used this as an excuse to say its my only vice- which is wrong.
Theres also the fact that and hubby gets anxious if I say I dont want to drink.
Ive tried to quit many times, just want to be healthy and lose some weight. One time i was on my treadmill doing a workout and he came into the bedroom with a glass of wine saying thats for you for after!
Its like he enjoys his beer (and wine on occasions) and feels like I take the shine off it if I dont join in. He keeps saying just have one or two glasses.. but I dont. I finish the whole bottle. It is like someone said on a post here.. only have the one cookie - not the whole packet. Some people just cant do it.
We had good news today - he got the job he has wanted.. asked if Im having a celebratory drink this evening... I really dont want to - I hope he understands x

DontRemember

If he doesn't understand that's HIS problem. How about a celebratory dinner out? He can have a couple beers and you can be the DD. Win/Win.

marshygirl

Long story .. no one to a)babysit b)he wont eat out anyway - sees it as a rip off - yet will happily have four pints and crisps.
I guess I didn't think this through... its looking so hard to do. Hes already said 'I thought you would at least celebrate with me'.
No matter how many times i try to stop - some reason is always there to make it hard. Sorry to moan and offload - I can see this evening ending up with me being grumpy now as its seen as me 'ruining' his good news :-( Awful feeling now this is going to be a long lonely road for me - makes me want to give up already

DontRemember

I don't mean this to sound creepy or anything,but...how about he has his beers and y'all celebrate after the kids are in bed? Again...not trying to be weird..

tealily

Marshygirl,

I understand. Early on, it's hard to not be swayed by the arguments and rationalizations: "oh, come on, it's just one or two"... "aren't you going to celebrate?".. "why be such a stick in the mud.. 'everyone' does it" .. "have some tonight and quit later" ... "what the h---, why not?"

The problem is, you know what the problem is. Your quality of life and health is declining because of alcohol. Your relationship with your children is being harmed. You are not living your best life. This is what I'm getting from your posts.

You KNOW that the "just one or two" will become a whole bottle. And I guarantee that a year from now, that one bottle will be a bottle and half or even two. It is inevitable.

The farther you get from drinking heavily, you realize, too, how ridiculous it is to associate "celebration" with the poison of alcohol. It is NOT a gift, a celebration or anything helpful. All it does is harm you, inside and out.

I taught myself to counter the thought "I deserve a glass of wine" with "I deserve better than that." Who "deserves" poisoning themselves and destroying their liver with alcohol?

Think about when you were younger and didn't drink. Did you have to have alcohol to celebrate something happy? To make life worthwhile?

I know it is hard to not have the support of your spouse in doing this, but the decision to pour alcohol down your throat is YOURS to make, not his. You can cheer him on much better while drinking something non-alcoholic. Make it a fizzy fun drink, with a slice of lemon or lime, in a festive glass. It doesn't have to be alcoholic.

The sooner you stop, the sooner you get past the physical addiction, the easier this will get.

marshygirl

No not weird! I hear you - just feel rotten and tired.. second day with no wine - and its all getting a little too much already.. feel like failing at the first obstacle- he isnt supporting me at all :-(

doggonecarl

Reason? Or excuse?

The reason it is difficult to quit is your dependence on alcohol. Addiction. Anything else...excuses.

You need to communicate your desire to quit to your husband. Great is he can support you; great if he doesn't try to undermine you. But unless he's pouring it down your throat, you can quit.

DontRemember

My gf (now ex)was a heavy drinker and did not want me to get sober because it meant 1) she was losing her drinking partner. 2) She would have to look at her own drinking issues(like you said "take the shine off it"). I got sober she got worse. Not saying 4 beers a night is a lot and he has a problem,but he will examine his drinking when(almost said if) you stay quit. Change is hard for everyone involved. Even something as 'trivial' to normal drinkers as a couple drinks,but those 1-2 drinks cause us more harm than good,so best not even try. Like I said earlier.. See if you can go 90days.

tealily

At the beginning a huge stumbling block is thinking "how in the world can I live life without ANY alcohol"? It seems insurmountable!

But this is all in our head.

Trade "alcohol" for any other damaging substance. "how in the world can I live my life without ANY (cigarettes)"? Or meth, heroin, whatever, and you see how ridiculous it sounds.

Don't fall for the argument "Well, plenty of people drink a little, and it isn't dangerous for them. It's a part of 'normal', social life. Just look at all the ads and the people on TV."

It may be the case for some, who can take a sip or two of wine, say, and walk away from the glass. It may have been true for you at the beginning of your drinking career. But my belief is that once you open that Pandora's box, and get into daily, heavy drinking -- when you are looking forward to it, thinking about it, regretting it, ultimately hiding it -- it's my experience that you can't go back and close that box again and go back to drinking a little bit here and there. Believe me, I tried to "moderate", for years and years... and just wasted years and years of my life and of my time with my teenage children, damaging my health and looks in the process.

It is up to you if you want a better life.

Put it on a scale.. your children, their respect for you, your respect for yourself, your old talents and joys, your good health, your body being healthy as you hit midlife and beyond, your spiritual health, your growth... VS ... only alcohol on the other side.

Everything that you think is good that comes with alcohol can come from other healthier sources. You don't need it to have fun with friends. You don't need it to celebrate a promotion. You don't need it to enjoy a birthday or a wedding or a vacation. In fact, it will dull all those things.

I know I am writing this more for myself than for anyone else. But I hope it helps you, Marshygirl.

My teen daughter, who used to be so upset to come home and find me hiding a glass of wine.. is now so proud of me. She can talk to me anytime of night, and I am there for her.

We are cheering you on.

tealily

Amending this to say that for some it's not even daily drinking. It may be binge drinking or a few times a week. The point is, once you get into dangerous, heavy, habitual drinking, whatever the frequency or even the amount.. when you wake up with regret. With shame. Feeling sick. Missing appointments. Dragging into work or school.... it is, I think, impossible to go back to casual, occasional drinking.

I will tell you that your impulse to Google "is a bottle of wine a night too much" should tell you something. (I did it too. In fact, I think if we did a poll here, a large percentage of the members would say that's how we got here!) You don't have to have lost a job, or your home, or be arrested (yet). You don't have to be going into liver failure (yet). You don't have to have lost your self respect or that of your family (yet).

But you can know this is not the way to live your best life. That you deserve better. And there is no question that this disease is progressive.

DontRemember

I agree.. I "wasn't that bad" when I googled and found this site...reality was..why would I be googling about something IF I didn't think I needed to search out some info on how I was feeling? Drinking apparently wasn't working for ME in 2014 and it took me until 2017 and a lot of literal(I hate that word btw) bad...I don't know...stuff? If I could curse here I would.. It got bad..not homeless(polar opposite),not broke,BUT...NOT HAPPY! That "not happy" thing kept me drinking. It wasn't that I was unhappy with my financial,social,whatever stuff(I was miserable in my toxic relationship),BUT..I just wasn't happy with the way/how I was living any longer. I had 3 options at the end. 1)keep doing what I was doing be miserable,possibly kill myself to 'stop drinking'. 2) Drink like I was and kill myself slowly(maybe) and make those that love and care for me worried/miserable(your daughter/kids,no offense I have a daughter). 3) just get the help and support I need to not F'n drink anymore and learn to be happy/content,and deal with things sober.. I decided on option 3 and hope you do too. I know it's "scary to think of never having another 'drink' again",but..it's really not once you see it for what it is..it's poison. It even poisons those around us(see the friends and family section here). Once we're googling to see if we have a problem...we have a problem. Hang in there!

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!