zacf3108

hi all cravings are really bad just now and anxiety and depression are killing me. after my 12 weeks in rehab I stopped hanging about with my old pals as they are usually drinking and if not when I was around them I would feel the urge to drink because that's all we used to do so I backed away. I still speak to them when I see them but don't text or phone first anymore. 2 of them arguing just now and I'm stuck in the middle and it's driving my anxiety worse iv had to delete there numbers because its the only way I feel I can get on with being sober any advice of how I should of handled this?

Satterfield

Well, my suggestion, and this is the one that many people have a hard time with, but it's one you've probably heard; avoid people, places, and things.
Personally, in early recovery it seemed best to stick with people in the fellowship. If all my old friends were getting high and drinking, and I was around them I would want to join them. I know it's not as simple as all that, but hang in there. Things get better and easier with time. Go to a meeting. Go to another meeting. Keep going to meetings, raising your hand, and let people know where you're at.

AnvilheadII

do whatever you have to do to keep your sobriety SAFE.

faith823

Hi Zac,
If you continue to drink to keep your friends you will loose them in a more hurtful dramatic way eventually. So impressed you are choosing self care.

Shebeens

Best to do what you are doing and stay off phone with them and away from them completely for now.

DontRemember

I never dealt/put up with drama while I was drinking. If someone had a problem with me and tried to 'go talk to other people,instead of me' i.e. gossip..I cut them out of my life. If people come to sober me with gossip , I let them know once; "Not my business/I don't care."..Come back again with some gossip..I cut them out of my life. Now if a friend is having some trouble and needs some advice that's different,but I've never been a fan of gossiping drinking or sober. Leave me out of it,unless it concerns me.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

electricdreams

There's some people even at 1 year in that I can't be around in any situation. If you are in a 12 step program I suggest going out for coffee and staying around for fellowship after the meetings. Sometimes you just have to move on if people aren't supportive.

tesquizito

Your sobriety comes first. You cannot be a good friend without your sobriety, so detaching from unhealthy relationships is a wise move.

If they are really your friends, they will make it back into your life, and support your recovery. For me it all happened naturally over time, those that just wanted to party or were not supportive of my recovery, drifted away. Those that wanted my friendship were supportive and found things we could do that were not drinking-related. To those people, our friendships usually grew stronger as a result.

zacf3108

thanks for the replies
I'm not in aa tried a few times but I just never seemed to get what everyone else gets from it. I'm 8 months sober now and really proud of it but this last month has been a real test. I know I should stay away all I want is a quiet life been spending alot of time with my family trying to make up for all the times I ruined when drinking. it's just since iv got sober iv still been trying to please everybody even when it makes me miserable

Dee74

Hi Zac

I couldn;t have hung sround with my drinking friends because all they did was drink and have little petty dramas.

I reconnected with old friends where the basis of our friendship was something more than drinking, and I made new friends who only knew me as a non drinker.

at 8 months sober you have a great chance to make your life what you want it to be

does your rehab have any after care you could use right now?

Have you thought about a recovery action plan?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

DontRemember

I've ALWAYS been a 'people pleaser',especially when drinking/drugging. One thing AA taught me(I've never worked the steps with a sponsor) is that, I'm the most important person to please in my life. If I'm not 'pleased/happy' how am I going to 'help/please' others in a positive fashion? Just something I took away from a meeting a few months back.

Edit: In sobriety I also relearned the word "NO".

Offthemast

Someone on here recommended the book No Mr. Nice Guy and its about people pleasing and getting yourself back your backbone. Its a good read. Drugs and alcohol zap our self esteem. You need to get it back and set up some boundaries and as Don't Remember said, its ok to be selfish.

DontRemember

Read that book after a BAD breakup a few years ago..Great book! Codependent no more is also a great book. I'm a "double winner"..Cause I'm special? I got 'Munsoned' at birth apparently. LOL

Edit: and now I must watch Kingpin tonight!

tekink

I'm 11.5 months in and I avoid it as much as possible. The stress from feeling like missing out was a big one that triggered a few relapses in me.