wiltsla

My boyfriend has never disappeared or has done anything out of the ordinary. So, for the holidays, we had a trip planned to Vegas. He paid over $500 for everything for us, but he stood me up for the trip. The last I heard from him during that time was the night before...Baby, I'm on my way. However, I didn't hear from him for 4 days. I thought something horrible happened but he finally called me like it was an ordinary day. Like he wasn't suppose to be on that plane in Vegas with me. He gave me some bogus story saying he had a blowout on the freeway and had to walk 30 miles to a relatives house cause his battery died and went back for his car and it was gone. Found it 4 days later at a tow yard and only paid $175 to get it out. Ridiculous story that we all know doesn't sound true.
So, I thought it was another woman that caused him to throw over $500 down the drain. But I was told it was drugs by a previous user. Again, this was out of the ordinary which caused me to lose trust and almost walk away. He didnt seem remorseful and still dont but trying to make it up. 1 other dissapearing act since then but for only half a day all he could say is...what's up Baby after he left me waiting for hours for him. Tone in voice drops and he gets headaches alot now as well as barely eats, but still sexually active with me. What type of drug could this be? Please help!!!

biminiblue

It doesn't really matter what kind of drug - does it?

He stood you up for a trip. He disappeared. You believe he's lying and you've been told he's using drugs and he is acting odd. Sounds like he's just worried he'll lose his sex partner.

I would run.

wiltsla

Yes, the other person I confided in believes its drugs. So I guess a better question is...does this behavior sound like a drug user? If it does, I want to approach this differently getting him help. But if it doesn't sound like it, I'm walking away because I'm still devastated by this.

biminiblue

It does sound like things drug users do. It could be alcohol. It could be drugs. You don't need the answer to that, though. Trying to play detective is going to make you crazy. The behavior is grounds for separation regardless.

I mean, the answer isn't important. It could be any number of things, but he has proven himself to be untrustworthy. Believe me, it's not going to get better if this is how he feels he can act.

The behavior is off and you know it.

YOU cannot GET him help. This is his problem and not yours to solve, regardless of what's going on. He needs to be ready for help and seek it out himself. Your problem to solve is do you want to be in a relationship where this is okay?

Try reading in the Friends & Family side here on this site. Here's a link: at the top of the forums are information/best threads. Read through them and you'll see what you're up against.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers

Dustitoffman

Hi there

It would be silly for people to guess what is going on and wrong to start guessing at drugs.
A person has told you something and it sounds like he is not even a trusted or reliable source for information.
1 sit down with your boyfriend and talk directly with him about your concerns and about what he has done standing you up like that.
If you are unhappy with what he is saying and feel that it is a lie, if you no longer trust him then I think it's time for you to trade him in for a more reliable model. 😀 You deserve better!

wiltsla

Thanks guys for the feedback. It helped. I have never been the type of person that stays after something like this. Well, I've never been stood up before EVER, either. But any disrespect I normally don't tolerate. After his disappearing he gave me a key to his place with no restrictions and password to his phone that I NEVER asked for to show and prove it's noone else and want this relationship which makes me think its drug use. But I'm still considering leaving him because I can't seem to get over this. But a whisper in my other ear is saying give him this 1 and only 2nd chance because everyone makes mistakes. Just pray for me if you're spiritual.

Berrybean

Well, he thought the way he treated you was ok. That suggests to me there will be more of the same.

You know. Love isn't just a feeling. It's an action verb. And whatever the reason, this guy doesn't sound like he's able to do that. Not at this stage of his life anyway.

It isn't about judging folk. It's just about believing them when they show you what they're like.

BB

Berrybean

PS if you do decide to give him a second chance I'd suggest it being without keys or more intense commitments. It sounds like things could get messy real quick with this slippery lad. (And I don't mean in a sexy way . Ha ha.) Definitely keep your finances and security safe from his influence.

BB

DontRemember

I agree with the others that the type of drug or whatever the hell he was doing should not matter in this case. End it.

GirlScreaming

You say "second chance" but he's already stood you up twice.
I understand how difficult it is to walk away, but you know what you need to do.
If this happened to your mom or best friend, what would you tell them to do?

Dropsie

I love this "Love isn't just a feeling. It's an action verb. " Love it!

Maudcat

Hi, wiltsla. Welcome to SR.
Whatever the reason, his behavior is terribly off.
I wouldn’t look for answers, cuz I doubt you would get them, tho maybe something will be revealed in time.
You deserve and should have better.
Block him and move on.

Hopedeferred

I'd like to pray that you can get away from him. People don't just disappear for days on end. And if he is using drugs and you two are sexually involved your physical and emotional/mental health is at risk. You don't need that and you deserve to be treated with respect.