Back Again - Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Back Again - Day 1
Moderation has failed again... drinking has been worse than ever. Other half told me last week that I was going to either end up single, dead or both if I carry on like this.
On an impromptu holiday from work due to 'flooding'in my flat. Only flooding was 2 bottles of Cava down my throat. Just couldn't go into work stinking of booze for a second day this week. Other half has been on holiday since Friday and I've managed to drink 9 bottles of wine in 5 nights. Blackouts while drinking are getting worse.
Up to 40mg of Citalopram for depression and clearly they're not getting to do their job. Totally miserable and and feel like a shell of myself at the moment
That's about the sum of it at the moment. Positive about being back here, going to see GP tomorrow and hopefully get some help with this
On an impromptu holiday from work due to 'flooding'in my flat. Only flooding was 2 bottles of Cava down my throat. Just couldn't go into work stinking of booze for a second day this week. Other half has been on holiday since Friday and I've managed to drink 9 bottles of wine in 5 nights. Blackouts while drinking are getting worse.
Up to 40mg of Citalopram for depression and clearly they're not getting to do their job. Totally miserable and and feel like a shell of myself at the moment
That's about the sum of it at the moment. Positive about being back here, going to see GP tomorrow and hopefully get some help with this
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome back!
You poured 9 bottles of depressant down your throat and then your anti-depressant didn't get the job done. Hopefully you are not too surprised by that.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Originally Posted by Nightswimming 
Up to 40mg of Citalopram for depression and clearly they're not getting to do their job.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
Welcome back!
You poured 9 bottles of depressant down your throat and then your anti-depressant didn't get the job done. Hopefully you are not too surprised by that.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
You poured 9 bottles of depressant down your throat and then your anti-depressant didn't get the job done. Hopefully you are not too surprised by that.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Sara,
just a note to be very careful about that Citalopram. Do not stop taking it except under the close direction of your doctor. It is one of the most dangerous drugs for an alcoholic to be taking unless the directions of the doctor are followed exactly.
I say this because I was called to a motel where there was an alcoholic, just disharged from rehab who had given him Citalopram. He drank on the way home and chucked his pills out the window. I can understand why he did that, I hated taking pills of any kind too, but the result was an extended psychotic episode, resulting in injury to him, and the police had to lock him up for his own safety. So just be careful with that stuff. It is not as benign as we would like to think.
just a note to be very careful about that Citalopram. Do not stop taking it except under the close direction of your doctor. It is one of the most dangerous drugs for an alcoholic to be taking unless the directions of the doctor are followed exactly.
I say this because I was called to a motel where there was an alcoholic, just disharged from rehab who had given him Citalopram. He drank on the way home and chucked his pills out the window. I can understand why he did that, I hated taking pills of any kind too, but the result was an extended psychotic episode, resulting in injury to him, and the police had to lock him up for his own safety. So just be careful with that stuff. It is not as benign as we would like to think.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Thanks Mike. Sara Bareilles wrote the song those lyrics are from. I'm Alan and nice to meet you!
Thanks for highlighting about citalopram. I came off 20mg tapered to GP's instructions a few years ago and it is the worst withdrawal symptoms I've ever had in my life. I will not be stopping taking the tablets any time soon. I'm hoping to give them a chance to do their job again
Thanks for highlighting about citalopram. I came off 20mg tapered to GP's instructions a few years ago and it is the worst withdrawal symptoms I've ever had in my life. I will not be stopping taking the tablets any time soon. I'm hoping to give them a chance to do their job again
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Night Swimming- I’m fresh in recovery on day six. I relate to the shame of excuse after excuse to stay away from work. My GP was my starting place for help. It wasn’t easy, but he helped me get through the withdrawal period I was afraid of. Feels so good this week to get to work and talk to people without wondering if they smell alcohol. I believe you can get to a better place. Don’t give up!!!!
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Thanks Komplex. Great to hear you're on Day 6. Yea should get an appointment tomorrow to see GP and be as honest as I can be. We have a very small kitchen at work and find myself timing my run to get my coffee so I want in a confined space with anyone. Absolutely ridiculous when you write it down
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Back in the house again after forcing myself to an appointment I'd missed two weeks ago because I was hungover/anxious and couldn't get out of bed.
Can't believe I'm even writing this but then went to the GUM clinic as made a stupid decision last night that's going to leave me with a few weeks of worry. But glad I made myself do responsible thing.
Got a German lesson in an hour so trying to keep hangover anxiety at bay and make sure I go.
Day 1 is a bit of a rollercoaster all round
Can't believe I'm even writing this but then went to the GUM clinic as made a stupid decision last night that's going to leave me with a few weeks of worry. But glad I made myself do responsible thing.
Got a German lesson in an hour so trying to keep hangover anxiety at bay and make sure I go.
Day 1 is a bit of a rollercoaster all round
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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So it's Day 2 morning. Managed to get to sleep about 11.30. Ended up chatting to a couple of friends on WhatsApp before going to bed which helped my mood.
Woke up through night a couple of times and then at 6.45 with bad anxiety and nausea. The nausea may be from. NEw medication I started yesterday though. Dosed a bit and managed to get up and make bed and forcing down some cereal now. New meds need to be taken with food.
Got a couple of calls to do at work this morning that I'm nervous about. I think if I can just get through those and to the doctor I'll feel a bit better.
Told my boss the depression and anxiety has been worse at the moment so at least they're aware everything is not 100% okay.
I can't wait for my other half to get home on Saturday. Really missing him.
Woke up through night a couple of times and then at 6.45 with bad anxiety and nausea. The nausea may be from. NEw medication I started yesterday though. Dosed a bit and managed to get up and make bed and forcing down some cereal now. New meds need to be taken with food.
Got a couple of calls to do at work this morning that I'm nervous about. I think if I can just get through those and to the doctor I'll feel a bit better.
Told my boss the depression and anxiety has been worse at the moment so at least they're aware everything is not 100% okay.
I can't wait for my other half to get home on Saturday. Really missing him.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Nightswimming
Thanks Dreamcatcher. Managed 15 months the last time before I fell off the wagon. Hopefully can do it again and more but one day at a time!
in other words, seems like adding to the program/plan of recovery would be wise, if you had one.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Thanks Tomsteve. Last time I fell off the wagon when I broke up with my Ex and I think I immediately went back to drinking because I let him and not losing him deep down be the driver of my sobriety.
Same this time with trying moderation. I've let my partner be the driver for cutting down ans be my accountability. I've not actually been honest with myself that it is my problem and I have to do this first and foremost for me and to hold myself accountable.
This week when he's been away and all I've done is sit in the house and drink or go to work makes me realise how much of myself I've lost. I want to use this as my motivation to get myself back And then I can be a better partner, friend, employee.
Same this time with trying moderation. I've let my partner be the driver for cutting down ans be my accountability. I've not actually been honest with myself that it is my problem and I have to do this first and foremost for me and to hold myself accountable.
This week when he's been away and all I've done is sit in the house and drink or go to work makes me realise how much of myself I've lost. I want to use this as my motivation to get myself back And then I can be a better partner, friend, employee.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I've not actually been honest with myself that it is my problem and I have to do this first and foremost for me and to hold myself accountable.
THAT is awesome to read and quite detrimental for recovery.
i went many years thinking i wasnt the one with the problem. there were times,though, the thought would pop up," i have a problem" and would stuff it back down inside,typically using alcohol to do that.
i had times i stopped drinking for a job, for a girlfriend, for my son,etc.
and it never lasted long. then longest i recall making it was about 30 days, and even in that 30 days i was still smokin pot.
i also had times i had girlfriends i wasnted to be my savior- basically i wanted them to be my mother and police me. every time it ended up with them walking away from me( smart move on their part- i was only going to drag them down with me..)
when i finally was given the gift of desperation, i wanted to get sober for me and me alone. i hated me. i hated what i had done with my life and the wreckage i had left in my wake. i WANTED to change
early on, as the fog lifted, i had times where the thought of,"i sure would like an ice cold beer" or "i could probably have a couple"- thoughts similar to that,too.
fortunately, i didnt completely destroy my memory- i left a couple brain cells in tact and functioning.
and could remember 1 or a couple never worked before so it wasnt gonna work now. im very greatful for those past experiences to help remind me of what does and doesnt work.
today is the perfect day to start finding youself again.
ya may want to look into a recovery plan/program to put into action. they seem to work for folks that put them into action. im sure one of them would work for you,too.
THAT is awesome to read and quite detrimental for recovery.
i went many years thinking i wasnt the one with the problem. there were times,though, the thought would pop up," i have a problem" and would stuff it back down inside,typically using alcohol to do that.
i had times i stopped drinking for a job, for a girlfriend, for my son,etc.
and it never lasted long. then longest i recall making it was about 30 days, and even in that 30 days i was still smokin pot.
i also had times i had girlfriends i wasnted to be my savior- basically i wanted them to be my mother and police me. every time it ended up with them walking away from me( smart move on their part- i was only going to drag them down with me..)
when i finally was given the gift of desperation, i wanted to get sober for me and me alone. i hated me. i hated what i had done with my life and the wreckage i had left in my wake. i WANTED to change
early on, as the fog lifted, i had times where the thought of,"i sure would like an ice cold beer" or "i could probably have a couple"- thoughts similar to that,too.
fortunately, i didnt completely destroy my memory- i left a couple brain cells in tact and functioning.
and could remember 1 or a couple never worked before so it wasnt gonna work now. im very greatful for those past experiences to help remind me of what does and doesnt work.
today is the perfect day to start finding youself again.
ya may want to look into a recovery plan/program to put into action. they seem to work for folks that put them into action. im sure one of them would work for you,too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Definitely going to look into and formulate a plan. I think after a few months last time I let my guard down and just became someone who didn't drink rather than someone who didn't drink for VERY good reason.
Anxiety levels have dropped as day has gone on. But I have nausea, a stinking headache and feel just generally 'off'. Not surprising given drop in alcohol consumption, interaction with SSRIs and new meds on top of that. Feeling not too bad considering. Drinking plenty fluids and taking it easy on myself in terms of what I get done today work wise.
Looking forward to getting home and resting
Anxiety levels have dropped as day has gone on. But I have nausea, a stinking headache and feel just generally 'off'. Not surprising given drop in alcohol consumption, interaction with SSRIs and new meds on top of that. Feeling not too bad considering. Drinking plenty fluids and taking it easy on myself in terms of what I get done today work wise.
Looking forward to getting home and resting
yay for day 2!!!!!!!! Keep pushing through and be kind to yourself!
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