JJ991

Sorry if this seems trivial, I know people have much harder things to deal with....

We have 2 rescue cats, one of which we've found out has a tumour and so we have to make the decision when to put her to sleep (she must be around 20 years old). We've had our cats over 13 years, all of our married life, way before kids.

I've suffered extreme grief before with the death of my dad from cancer but I haven't dealt with it sober. I drank lots when my dad died. I know the death of a pet isn't the same but I am still incredibly sad, this is definitely a test of my sobriety (coming up to 4 months now).

Again, sorry, many people deal with worse!

Hevyn

Hi JJ. I'm sorry for what you're going through with your treasured pet.

It doesn't have to be the same as losing a human - it's still a painful thing to face in its own right. I'm sure many have been challenged by the loss of a pet - I know I have. I spent months after my father died in a foggy, numb state. Looking back, I realize I needed to face it head on - with a clear mind. We don't help ourselves by trying to avoid the pain & the adjustment to life without our loved one. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on. Never be sorry for speaking from your heart.

Congratulations on your almost 4 months - that's wonderful.

doggonecarl

You don't have to apologize for your grief, and certainly not the grief of losing a beloved pet.

May you be comforted by the memory of all the love and joy she brought to your life.

Nonsensical

I had to put a dog down a few years ago. Did alright for a couple days, but when I picked her ashed up from the crematorium I drove directly to the liquor store and went on a bender.

She treated me like I was the best guy in the whole world. She thought I was half Elvis and half Superman. Getting drunk just made my shame excruciating. Totally not worth it. Stay dry.

You can do this.

MyLittleHorsie

I had to put down 3 dogs in a year. One to a back issue we couldn't help anymore, one to cancer and one to unprovoked aggression. All three rescues, all but one I took to the vet myself. My deepest sympathies.
We will all be here for you.

I know I drank when I euthanized the first, the other two were weekdays so I didn't. There are online forums like this for pet grief.

FallingStars

Losing a pet can be excruciating. Please don't apologize...many here understand. My condolences are with you...

Anna

Please don't minimize the grief involved in losing a beloved pet. It is so difficult to say good-bye and so difficult to make the decision to end your pet's life. But, it's the kind thing to do.

I am so very sorry you're going through this.

sfrn1968

Welcome JJ991 -

As a dog owner for most of my life and having lost several, I can tell you that pets become part of your family, whether human or not. Losing a pet is a very difficult thing. I'm glad you're handling it in sobriety, next time I will have to as well. Great job on 4 months.

JJ991

Thanks for all the replies. I've not had to make this decision before so finding it tough and dreading the day we have to take her for her final trip to the vet.

It is after 11pm here and so I'm off to give our little cat some treats & go to bed sober.

Thanks all.

Hevyn

JJ - Please stay close - we care about you & want to share what you're going through.

MindfulMan

I was astounded at the depth of my grief when I lost my first dog in 2010. There is absolutely nothing trivial about losing one of your furry kids.

I’m so sorry, I’ve been there. Grief is OK to feel, you do not need to lose sobriety.

August252015

JJ - just piping in with some more support. I was devastated when I lost my beloved dog in 2011 - and I was still drinking. Actually, grief was the topic i brought up as the topic in my AA meeting today - and a number of people shared about the immense grief when losing a pet. One person said it well - "my dog was probably the only friend who loved me unconditionally when I was still drinking."

A program friend of mine just lost one of her beloved bunnies last week. She is devastated.

Lots of us can relate and my heart goes out to you. I love my now dog dearly (of course, he quickly came to prefer my now husband, haha) and know he is always well treated because we are both sober! Being sober is the best thing you can do!

Take care.

PennyLane76

JJ, I had to make this decision twice within 6 weeks for two of my elderly cats. The last one was November 28th. I'm going to be honest it was brutal and I had a few bad weeks and still miss them terribly of course. I am heavily hands-on in rescue, so have other kitties at home but each has their own part of the heart. Love is love, animal or human.

I'm responding not to be a downer but because I KNOW, and you do to, that it would be much much worse to add alcohol to the grief. I did "play the tape through" and knew that would be a recipe for severe depression and regret. You need a clear mind to sort things through, both before and after you say goodbye. I can't tell you how very thankful I am that I did not try to drink away the pain because that never works, never has, never will.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's so hard.

Xoxoxo to your family and your kitty. They both need a sober you.

least

No need to apologize. I've lost many furkids over the years and each one hurt like hell. But drinking over a loss doesn't negate the loss, only shoves those feelings down deep, only to come up later.

You have my sincere sympathy for the coming loss of your beloved cat.

Gottalife

Grief is a powerful thing and has a mind if its own, but it is not alcoholism, it is just one of the many ups and downs everyone will experience in their lives.

The question is, how will we react? I had to put down a dog when I was drinking. His demise was probably a result of my drinking and not taking proper care of him. I never got him the shots he should have had. I was terribly upset. He was just about my only friend in the world at that time. I drank of course but I don't remember drinking because of the grief. I would have been drinking anyway. I am an alcoholic and that is what I did.

In sober life I have faced the same things with animals and people. Being recovered through the steps, my reaction was completely different. Sane and normal. Sane in the sense that I got on and did whatever needed to be done and it never occurred to me to drink, and normal in the sense that I suffered terrible uncontrollable grief at times, and I got help with that from a grief counsellor. Through her I discovered my reactions in grief were completley normal.

Before I recovered and began the daily practice involved in maintaining recovery, alcohol was my soultion to everything, good, bad and indifferent, that life sent my way. Since I recovered I find I react to life pretty much the same as any non alcoholic without the need to drink.

Dee74

Like others have said, no need to apologise at all. We're all here for you, if you need us JJ

D

Offthemast

Lost our family pet unexpectedly about 10 days ago. It was sad but I sat in it. Remembered the good times. Prayed and asked God to let me speak to her(I can talk to God on the throne, why not my pooch?) Now before you think I'm insane it was very therapeutic to imagine comforting her and then imaging her running and playing and happy.

I'm sorry you have to go through it., but drinking won't help any.

JJ991

Offthemast, I talk to my dad a lot & he passed away over 6 years ago. I usually ask him to give me strength for something, he was always the strong one.
Least, thanks for the lovely quote, I've not seen that before.
My mind is definitely going into default mode, insisting I drink to numb everything. I don't think I will but I'm going to keep myself busy just in case.
Thanks for all the kind words & advice, I was pretty tearful reading them & feeling the support. This forum is amazing!

Ken0331

I've had to put two down as an adult. The one I'm holding here in my arms put down from cancer July 5, 2015. Hurt like nothing else I've ever felt. My now ex-wife left 2 weeks later left & took the other dog. Divorced about 6 months later. The divorce didn't hurt as bad as putting him to his eternal rest. It still hurts.

I was still drinking then. Didn't get drunk right away, but later that weekend, oh hell yeah.


Nothing has hurt my soul so bad as that. I remember my wife asking me if we really had to do this today. We had a vet that makes house calls to do this coming that evening. "He seems OK today," she plead. But the bad days were more than the good ones, and were only going to get worse. Told her, "This is a gift we are able to give him. It's selfish to try to keep him around just to comfort us, b/c we know he'll try to up until the end. We love him too much to let him suffer."

And that was it.


I know how you're feeling right now. Feel your feelings, and don't ever apologize for grieving the loss of a furry family member.




I've got 2 more now. I'll see them through the rest of their lives as a sober dog-daddy, God willing.

JJ991

Thanks Ken. The pic of you and your dog is a good one!

We are keeping a very close eye on her, we do not want her to suffer in any way. I talked to my friend at work who has had many furry friends. She said going to the vet for their last visit & holding them is the last gift of kindness we can show them, I like that thought. People in the office must have wondered why the two ladies were looking tearful huddled in the corner!!

Not drinking over it, facing it head on.