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Old 01-21-2018, 04:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling hopeless


This is my first time on the forum.
I have been drinking heavily for 3 years, but my abuse of alcohol is much longer. I currently drink about 10-14 units of alcohol a day... Usually within 3-5 hours. The longest I have went without alcohol is 2 days. By the end of the third day, I always have a drink in hand.

I'm fed up with drinking. I'm constantly ill. My anxiety and depression are sky high. My bones and muscles ache from severe vitamin deficiencies and worst of all, I'm missing out on my children being young.

I have wanted to quit drinking for some time now, but I always return to alcohol. I need help. I don't know where to begin.
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I was right there three weeks ago. Feel light years better today and excited to keep going. Its rough but you can do it!
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Offthemast View Post
I was right there three weeks ago. Feel light years better today and excited to keep going. Its rough but you can do it!
How did you start? Was there something that helped the most the first week? I feel like if I just get week 1 out of the way, I can do this.
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. If you have a hard time getting past 3 days, maybe your doctor could give you some medical help to get past the acute withdrawals.

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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How did you start? Was there something that helped the most the first week? I feel like if I just get week 1 out of the way, I can do this.
Had a few false starts. Really think I wanted to stop but would always say whats the big deal when I started feeling better.

Well it is a big deal. A huge deal. I'll never be the guy I imagine drinking steadily every day. The negative consequences just got to be too much. I hurt inside, I hurt outside, I was mentally and physically drained not to mention spiritually in the red.

I read here religiously, learned how to deal with cravings, played the tape forward, recognized my AV(alcoholic voice), and read stories of recovery and triumph and how life was so much more fulfilling for those who had achieved long term sobriety. And I wanted it! Still do.

Almost slipped about 12 days in when the family pet died but didn't and evrytime I don't give in to temptation I grow stronger!

3 weeks aint nothing but it is! It's doable and I see glimpses of hope and joy. and a life well lived. Sometimes you'll just have to soldier through and resist with all you've got, but it passes and with every battle won you are closer to winning the war.

Good luck. Prayers for you and kick it in the teeth like you know you can.
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Girl,

For me it has been one word....suffering.

From day 1 until day 900...there is suffering.

It gets better...easier...but....at first I would curl up in a ball and wimper like a cold puppy.

Nobody knew. The suffering is all inside. I was edgy at work for a while.

Folks thought I had anger issues. Whatever.

I didn't even find SR until 80 days clean. I was googling...why do I feel so bad after all this time clean.

I learned it can take years to normalize. It is not really normal...it is getting used to what being constantly sober feels like.

Alot of the mental anguish is from a lack of natural happiness drugs..dopamine etc. I work out now and that gives me endorphins.

I suffered today around 2 pm. It is the NFL playoffs...big trigger.

Everything was a trigger anyway.

I had to go through hell to get to this state of grace.

Thanks.
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When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system compromise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 01-21-2018, 04:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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suffering----->perseverance---->character-------->hope

Yes there is suffering but also hope and not to mention the its way better than the torture you are going through now. Body and mind will be healing and as it is, you'll feel better mentally and physically than you do now.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Welcome to the family. If you have a hard time getting past 3 days, maybe your doctor could give you some medical help to get past the acute withdrawals.

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Thank you. That means a lot.
I'm ready, but it sure is scary.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Offthemast View Post
Had a few false starts. Really think I wanted to stop but would always say whats the big deal when I started feeling better.

Well it is a big deal. A huge deal. I'll never be the guy I imagine drinking steadily every day. The negative consequences just got to be too much. I hurt inside, I hurt outside, I was mentally and physically drained not to mention spiritually in the red.

I read here religiously, learned how to deal with cravings, played the tape forward, recognized my AV(alcoholic voice), and read stories of recovery and triumph and how life was so much more fulfilling for those who had achieved long term sobriety. And I wanted it! Still do.

Almost slipped about 12 days in when the family pet died but didn't and evrytime I don't give in to temptation I grow stronger!

3 weeks aint nothing but it is! It's doable and I see glimpses of hope and joy. and a life well lived. Sometimes you'll just have to soldier through and resist with all you've got, but it passes and with every battle won you are closer to winning the war.

Good luck. Prayers for you and kick it in the teeth like you know you can.
3 weeks is a lot! I can't even fathom what 3 weeks sober would feel like.
Thank you for the encouragement.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Girl,

For me it has been one word....suffering.

From day 1 until day 900...there is suffering.

It gets better...easier...but....at first I would curl up in a ball and wimper like a cold puppy.

Nobody knew. The suffering is all inside. I was edgy at work for a while.

Folks thought I had anger issues. Whatever.

I didn't even find SR until 80 days clean. I was googling...why do I feel so bad after all this time clean.

I learned it can take years to normalize. It is not really normal...it is getting used to what being constantly sober feels like.

Alot of the mental anguish is from a lack of natural happiness drugs..dopamine etc. I work out now and that gives me endorphins.

I suffered today around 2 pm. It is the NFL playoffs...big trigger.

Everything was a trigger anyway.

I had to go through hell to get to this state of grace.

Thanks.
I keep it all inside too. No one even knows I drink as much as I do, though I'm sure it's obvious something is wrong.
I know I can't get sober without help, and I know how hard it's going to be, so I looked into therapy today. I'm ready for this to be over... Sober suffering sounds a hell of a lot better than drunk suffering honestly.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:12 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Offthemast View Post
suffering----->perseverance---->character-------->hope

Yes there is suffering but also hope and not to mention the its way better than the torture you are going through now. Body and mind will be healing and as it is, you'll feel better mentally and physically than you do now.
<3
I don't think sobriety can offer any suffering worse than what I already feel. I'm ready for the battle, but terrified of failing.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Oh and quite a bit of chocolate milk. I needed a sugar fix the first two weeks.

Took a lot of B vitamins (B-complex, Niacin, B-12), multivitamins, milk thistle, Vit D, Magnesium, Black Cumin Oil, etc...

It can be done. I didn't think I'd make it 3 weeks bc I've failed quite a bit, but I want it. Alcohol is a dead end and a waste of life. At 20 days I can start to visualize life without booze and hangovers/withdrawl.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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GirlScreaming, I was a drunk for 40+ years and now over 7 years sober. You can do it, rootin for ya.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Good to know. I take quite a bit of vitamins already, but I'll add B complex and stock up on the sugar.

You're doing great! Can't wait to see you celebrate week 4
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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GirlScreaming - I'm glad you found us and decided to take action. You'll never regret reclaiming your life.

I drank 30 yrs. I wish I'd admitted that I had no control once it was in my system. All my good intentions to cut down failed miserably. In the end, I drank every day & my life was in shambles. Even though I knew I was in a terrible trap with it, I was still afraid to let go - I put it off far too long. I'm glad you aren't. You can do this, GS. Life will be so much better when you get free.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
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GirlScreaming, I was a drunk for 40+ years and now over 7 years sober. You can do it, rootin for ya.
Thank you! <3 any advice?
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:29 PM   #17 (permalink)
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GirlScreaming - I'm glad you found us and decided to take action. You'll never regret reclaiming your life.

I drank 30 yrs. I wish I'd admitted that I had no control once it was in my system. All my good intentions to cut down failed miserably. In the end, I drank every day & my life was in shambles. Even though I knew I was in a terrible trap with it, I was still afraid to let go - I put it off far too long. I'm glad you aren't. You can do this, GS. Life will be so much better when you get free.
I'm scared too. Letting go is not something I do well, and facing all the problems alcohol silences is going to be incredibly hard. I don't want to feel this way anymore, though. It doesn't feel like living.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:31 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I thought I was silencing my problems, but they were still there - waiting to be dealt with. Getting numb & foggy doesn't do a thing to really help us. I created a nightmare for myself by hiding from reality - I'm so glad you are smarter.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:41 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hey Girl -

Just wanna say I'm right there with you. This is my second time checking in on this site since my first post like 2 months ago. Still drinking, and feeling just like you - depression, anxiety, and just so sick of feeling chained to drinking. I couldn't tell you the last time I went 3 days in a row without drinking.

I appreciate reading everyone's approach - it is encouraging. I'm hoping to plan each hour I'm not working and just focus on making it through moment by moment. I still don't really feel comfortable going to in person meetings (mostly bc of my job) but I realize I can't quit totally alone. Thinking about going to a therapist or counselor.

I'm over the shame and embarrassment and just utter loss of time to drinking. I'm rooting for you Girl and you are not alone in this!
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:57 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I keep it all inside too. No one even knows I drink as much as I do

I used to think the same thing.

Then I realized my body was keeping score.

Alcoholism is progressive, and it takes a physical toll on our bodies which isn't readily apparent at first, especially when we may be in denial about our drinking. However, as you age, your ability to recover decreases. Kindling, which is the phenomenon of increasingly severe withdrawal symptoms is very real.
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