Went to AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 10
Went to AA
Hi,
I have been on and off here, trying to understand this illness and why on earth it is so hard to stop drinking, Last Monday I went to AA, first time ever. I thought, why not, what I am doing is clearly not working. I really liked it, met some awesome people, but I still drink, although not as much. I even confided in a couple of friends, alcoholics and members of aa, got a lot of phone numbers and support. I really liked the people and the support, but I don´t know how to incorporate it with my life. I have a relationship that I probably would have to end, he is not an alcoholic, but drinks a lot. I feel like I would have to go all in to get sober, and life would have to change, I am really afraid, sorry for rambling on. Have a great Saturday.
I have been on and off here, trying to understand this illness and why on earth it is so hard to stop drinking, Last Monday I went to AA, first time ever. I thought, why not, what I am doing is clearly not working. I really liked it, met some awesome people, but I still drink, although not as much. I even confided in a couple of friends, alcoholics and members of aa, got a lot of phone numbers and support. I really liked the people and the support, but I don´t know how to incorporate it with my life. I have a relationship that I probably would have to end, he is not an alcoholic, but drinks a lot. I feel like I would have to go all in to get sober, and life would have to change, I am really afraid, sorry for rambling on. Have a great Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Nice going making it to a meeting. That's a big step. Sounds like the people there are real nice. What do you mean about incorporating it into your life? Do you mean trying to find the time to go to the meetings, or staying in touch with the people that gave you their phone numbers, or both. Sounds like you have a great opportunity here. Hope you can take advantage of it. John
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 131
There are people that go to AA who incorporate AA into all aspects of their life and there are people that go to AA who other people wouldn’t even guess they go to AA. The only thing you will look to incorporate into your life if you want to get sober through AA are the principles and the steps which help you stay sober and live a sober life.
As for your partner IMO this is a solo journey and unless he is encouraging or forcing you to drink even though you have asked him not to is quite irrelevant to your plans.
As for your partner IMO this is a solo journey and unless he is encouraging or forcing you to drink even though you have asked him not to is quite irrelevant to your plans.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by soberflower85 
I feel like I have people around me who would never understand, who I could never tell, like my boyfriend.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Soberflower, I think it's great that you went to AA. I understand your concern because stopping drinking is not just as simple as stopping drinking. Most of us have to make lifestyle changes involving people and activities, in order to remain sober. It's a big step, but one that is necessary for recovery.
And, you're right, that most other people won't understand which is why SR is such a valuable place, because we do get it. And, it doesn't matter what others believe. You know what is the right thing to do.
And, you're right, that most other people won't understand which is why SR is such a valuable place, because we do get it. And, it doesn't matter what others believe. You know what is the right thing to do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Glad you walked through that door! I was 'encouraged' through it via a very nice judge and it has changed my life in lots of ways in only a year. I'm not an avid AA'er,but I do incorporate the steps/thoughts into my daily life now. Wish I'd had the courage you did when I first came here and AA was suggested to me,but...I didn't. Congrats! 
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by soberflower85
I feel like I would have to go all in to get sober, and life would have to change, I am really afraid
Go 'all in' and you will also have the opportunity to help someone some day.
All the best to you.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My choice was to either learn to live by spiritual principles or face an alcoholic death. When I realised that those were the only two choices on the table I went all in with AA. What did that look like?
As with most serious illnesses, treatment took priority over everything else.
I found a sponsor who helped me with the steps and a few other things. Our work together was done away from the meetings. I went to a lot of meetings especially for the first three months. By the end of that time I was well into step nine and my life had changed completely.
I began to get some balance back into my life, social, family and friends, work, sleep etc, but also invested time in meetings and working with others, in a more modest way. I still do that and find it very rewarding. I have an active life in and out of AA, but I can always find time to work with a newcomer. AA has given me so much and asks so little in return.
One of the things I found useful was to gain a working knowledge of our basic text, known as the big book. It tells me what they needed to do to recover, and what they found was not important or relavent.
For example on people drinking around us " While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor." There is nothing about other people having to change their behaviour for us to recover.
Similarly there is no advice on suitable careers or relationships, mainly beacue these things have nothing to do with whether you will recover or not.
" He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone."
As with most serious illnesses, treatment took priority over everything else.
I found a sponsor who helped me with the steps and a few other things. Our work together was done away from the meetings. I went to a lot of meetings especially for the first three months. By the end of that time I was well into step nine and my life had changed completely.
I began to get some balance back into my life, social, family and friends, work, sleep etc, but also invested time in meetings and working with others, in a more modest way. I still do that and find it very rewarding. I have an active life in and out of AA, but I can always find time to work with a newcomer. AA has given me so much and asks so little in return.
One of the things I found useful was to gain a working knowledge of our basic text, known as the big book. It tells me what they needed to do to recover, and what they found was not important or relavent.
For example on people drinking around us " While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor." There is nothing about other people having to change their behaviour for us to recover.
Similarly there is no advice on suitable careers or relationships, mainly beacue these things have nothing to do with whether you will recover or not.
" He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by soberflower85
I feel like I would have to go all in to get sober, and life would have to change, I am really afraid, sorry for rambling on. Have a great Saturday.
The good news is you don't have to make that decision tonight. Or tomorrow. Or Monday. Or anytime soon.
All you have to do right now is two things:
- Don't drink today. Just today. When you wake up tomorrow, repeat. Just don't drink today.
- If you liked that meeting, keep going back. One day at a time.
More will be revealed. You don't have to try to figure all this stuff out right now. In fact, I advise you stop trying.
Congrats on you going to a meeting on your own initiative. That takes courage. I wish I did. For me, I went b/c I told my counselor in rehab I would.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I feel like I would have to go all in to get sober, and life would have to change, I
if you were to take a look at your life,would you say youre ok with the way its been and how it is now? are you comfortable with the way your life is and are you comfortable in your own skin?
if you were to take a look at your life,would you say youre ok with the way its been and how it is now? are you comfortable with the way your life is and are you comfortable in your own skin?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I echo everything Gottalife said, as it describes my path and CHOICES too.
There was a question above about how you become willing. For me, there were TONS of times I could have had the willingness to quit because it was clear that my life was unraveling, unmanageable (or barely so and far less than I thought), and I was getting sicker and sicker. But I didn't stop til I had the moment I describe as being "DONE." Though I'd heard dire warnings about cirrhosis and such before, it wasn't til 2/21/16 that I listened when my liver dr said severely that I had a year, 18 mo left if I kept going the way i was.
Everyone can become willing and the "when" part is different for all of us though you'll see similarities among our reasons - being told we would die and hearing it and acting on it, losing everything (job, family, friends, freedom...). The real question is when YOU (the generic you) will decide to stop.
When I hear folks describe any kind of relapse, repeat cycle I just think one thing: IMO we do NOT get unlimited opportunities to quit. If we are sober now, this is the chance to take. In almost two years I have seen plenty of people join SR and .... they are no longer with us. I can't help but worry they never took hold of their final chance. I have seen this in AA, too. Those of us who stay in recovery are the lucky ones, statistically - but I believe everyone has a chance to be in that number. I believe few of us are really in that category of "hopeless cases" the BB does describe.
IRL support (AA) plus a lot of consistent devotional and reading work, plus self-care, plus SR....all of these are my tools for recovery, and every single one followed my decision to quit and acceptance that alcohol would never be in my life again. As AA tells us- I became willing to go to any lengths, and at any costs, to get and remain sober.
There was a question above about how you become willing. For me, there were TONS of times I could have had the willingness to quit because it was clear that my life was unraveling, unmanageable (or barely so and far less than I thought), and I was getting sicker and sicker. But I didn't stop til I had the moment I describe as being "DONE." Though I'd heard dire warnings about cirrhosis and such before, it wasn't til 2/21/16 that I listened when my liver dr said severely that I had a year, 18 mo left if I kept going the way i was.
Everyone can become willing and the "when" part is different for all of us though you'll see similarities among our reasons - being told we would die and hearing it and acting on it, losing everything (job, family, friends, freedom...). The real question is when YOU (the generic you) will decide to stop.
When I hear folks describe any kind of relapse, repeat cycle I just think one thing: IMO we do NOT get unlimited opportunities to quit. If we are sober now, this is the chance to take. In almost two years I have seen plenty of people join SR and .... they are no longer with us. I can't help but worry they never took hold of their final chance. I have seen this in AA, too. Those of us who stay in recovery are the lucky ones, statistically - but I believe everyone has a chance to be in that number. I believe few of us are really in that category of "hopeless cases" the BB does describe.
IRL support (AA) plus a lot of consistent devotional and reading work, plus self-care, plus SR....all of these are my tools for recovery, and every single one followed my decision to quit and acceptance that alcohol would never be in my life again. As AA tells us- I became willing to go to any lengths, and at any costs, to get and remain sober.
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