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Old 01-19-2018, 05:35 PM
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New here

As the saying goes Ďlong time listener, first time callerí.

Iím four days sober. Wine was my poison of choice with the Ďglass while cookingí turning into a bottle a night, that was fast heading for two bottles and more than a few evenings waking up on the sofa at 2am. At first an only at the weekend habit, became a 5 times a week and no alcohol free days even when I was not having a binge.

Two weeks ago I decided to try tapering down, which seems to have worked in terms of easing the withdrawal symptoms. Last week was a small glass at night and now none for 4 days. I also saw my Dr who did my blood work and noted my high bp. No surprise my liver numbers are scary high, blood sugar borderline (I am also overweight) and cholesterol elevated. The Dr has me on bp medication, the tapering seems to have helped me not to have developed shaking or headaches, though I do feel exhausted easily. I have wicked sugar cravings and am trying to feed them with fresh fruit not processed sugar.

Iím not in good shape. Iím 54 and so cross with myself for being such a poor steward of my body. I am a widow with an autistic child, so I am all he has. I am SO angry with myself.

Every year I donít drink in February and quite often continue that sobriety for months beyond that, but that has always been because Iíve told myself I can drink when I want and I am just choosing not to. I think deep down that is the lie I am already telling myself - abstain, get the blood work back to normal and then learn your lesson and only drink in moderation. I have enough personal experience and have read stories here to know how that one will end up and yet at the moment it is where my head is. Stupid I know.

AA is not for me, I am in a small town and sadly people do not always respect the anonymity of the people, but I donít think trying to do this in secret (like my drinking) is a good idea. I am scared by my liver results, I need to make a change. I hope posting honestly here is a good early step, I just feel the odds are against me.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:04 PM
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Originally Posted by scottynz View Post
As the saying goes Ďlong time listener, first time callerí.

Iím four days sober. Wine was my poison of choice with the Ďglass while cookingí turning into a bottle a night, that was fast heading for two bottles and more than a few evenings waking up on the sofa at 2am. At first an only at the weekend habit, became a 5 times a week and no alcohol free days even when I was not having a binge.

Two weeks ago I decided to try tapering down, which seems to have worked in terms of easing the withdrawal symptoms. Last week was a small glass at night and now none for 4 days. I also saw my Dr who did my blood work and noted my high bp. No surprise my liver numbers are scary high, blood sugar borderline (I am also overweight) and cholesterol elevated. The Dr has me on bp medication, the tapering seems to have helped me not to have developed shaking or headaches, though I do feel exhausted easily. I have wicked sugar cravings and am trying to feed them with fresh fruit not processed sugar.

Iím not in good shape. Iím 54 and so cross with myself for being such a poor steward of my body. I am a widow with an autistic child, so I am all he has. I am SO angry with myself.

Every year I donít drink in February and quite often continue that sobriety for months beyond that, but that has always been because Iíve told myself I can drink when I want and I am just choosing not to. I think deep down that is the lie I am already telling myself - abstain, get the blood work back to normal and then learn your lesson and only drink in moderation. I have enough personal experience and have read stories here to know how that one will end up and yet at the moment it is where my head is. Stupid I know.

AA is not for me, I am in a small town and sadly people do not always respect the anonymity of the people, but I donít think trying to do this in secret (like my drinking) is a good idea. I am scared by my liver results, I need to make a change. I hope posting honestly here is a good early step, I just feel the odds are against me.
Congrats on four days. Glad you posted and went to Dr. You've done the right things to seriously start the journey. We offer our experience in acute withdrawal. Nutrition, handling cravings, making a recovery plan. Mindfulness . Anything! I wouldn't want to through EVERYTHING that helped me. But if have particular issues just let us know. Keep posting

Nothing impacts a recovering alcoholic more than hearing the language of the heart from another alcoholic in recovery.

This site has saved me.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:15 PM
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Welcome, Scotty. It's so good to have you join us.

I was older too when I came here - drinking every day. I really didn't expect to stay around - but here I am, checking in each day - and 10 yrs. sober. I drank for 30 years - it was part of everything I did.

Try not to be angry - none of us sets out to sabotage ourselves. We usually just use it to try and cope - never dreaming we'll become dependent on it. Be kind and patient with yourself as you heal. You can do this, scotty.
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Old 01-19-2018, 07:05 PM
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Welcome, scottynz!

You took an excellent first step. I'm so happy you decided to post. The support I received here made all the difference for me. Try not to beat yourself up, you're here and taking action. Four days sober is terrific!

There are many programs other than AA. Research some of them and pick what works for you. If you have questions, ask away.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
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Old 01-19-2018, 08:28 PM
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Hey you have made some serious progress. Seeing the doctor, blood work, sober days, awesome job!! Iím impressed. I am still chicken to tell my doctor. This site has helped me tremendously. This is where it all began for me, a couple of months ago. Welcome!
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Old 01-19-2018, 08:30 PM
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Thank you for those supportive words. It means more than you know to not feel alone with this.
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Old 01-19-2018, 08:44 PM
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I can relate to the two-bottles-a-night wine habit very much. Things only got worse after I switched to hard liquor.

You've done the right thing by not only cutting that rhythm off but also by being here. You're in the right place. Congrats on your time in sobriety. You're taking positive steps forward.

Welcome!

T.
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Old 01-20-2018, 12:26 AM
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Thanks very much for posting and great news that you have seen your doctor and are on here, seeking the support of others in the same position.

I think what the others have said here is true - don't beat yourself up for the past but congratulate yourself on the positive decision to do something about it. I, of course, know very little about your background but being a widow and sole carer to an autistic child is a good deal to cope with. If that's how you've coped in the past, good on you for finding a new, healthier way of doing it and for making a choice and taking control.

For what it's worth, I'm on here for the first time too, have not had a drink in only 20 days and am also not going to go down the AA route but am looking instead at holistic means of recovery. Exercise is a big part of that, not least to get me back in some sort of shape, having declined from being a very fit person to now being overweight and out of shape. Reading too is proving a bonus - Catherine Gray's recently published The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober has been a real support, written in a completely unpretentious, realistic manner.

Good luck with your recovery and, of course, shout out if you're wanting someone to talk about it with. You should be proud of yourself for taking the step. Stick at it!
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Old 01-20-2018, 12:41 AM
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Another Welcome!

I ditto all of the above posts -a great bunch of people here at SR. Life saving.

As far as liver test results, I’ve read that it’s not uncommon to have high numbers when tested while still/after imbibing. I’ve read a lot of people that have better-to-normal numbers once they have some sobriety under their belt and get retested.

Glad you’re here and keep coming back.
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Old 01-20-2018, 06:32 AM
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Glad you’re here Scott. Keep it up.
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Old 01-20-2018, 12:23 PM
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Kia ora and welcome.

Since you do a yearly sobriety of a month or more, I think the trick will be to admit when you do drink you can't control it (like pretty much everyone here) and not take that first glass of wine in April/May.

Since it's almost February it's a great time to start!
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Old 01-20-2018, 01:08 PM
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Hi Scotty -

It's never too late. I just turned 50 this month and am trying to quit drinking for good for the umpteenth time. In fact, I originally joined here last October. I did well for about a month, then after a few stints in hospitals, relapsed into an all out 2 week binge. I have now been drink free for 2 weeks. There are plenty of us here who didnt have success beating this demon til later on in life. Youre in the right place.
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