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How to live without Alcohol?

Old 01-18-2018, 11:35 AM
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How to live without Alcohol?

Hello,

I have been reading the posts for a while, and I finally decided to post myself. I need to quit drinking. I am 32 years old, have a great life, 2 beautiful children and an awesome wife. I made the decision to quit drinking on Sunday, but I am finding it very difficult to imagine life without alcohol.

I have never been a daily drinker, more of a weekend , holiday, special occasion drinker. Sometimes I have 3 or 4 drinks and stop, and sometimes I have 20 drinks and pass out. Sometimes I won't drink for 3-4 weeks, and other times I’ll drink all 4 weekends out of the month. The problem is, when I do drink, a lot if the time I get blackout drunk and I make extremely bad decisions. I’m talking awful decisions. Drugs, driving, fights, risky sex, excessive gambling, spending a ton of money. These are things I would not consider doing sober. I regularly wake up after a bender absolutely disgusted with myself.

On top of the bad choices I make while drunk, my hangovers have morphed into something horrible. Extreme anxiety and self hatred, shakes, and constant vomiting, night sweats, are the new after effects of a single night of drinking. In my 20’s, I would rarely blackout, and my hangovers were just a headache and a little nausea.

This weekend I realized that I need to quit drinking. On Saturday I was watching football at my house, just sipping on some beers. My wife and 2 kids decided to go get Chinese food for dinner. At dinner, I proceeded to drink 4 mai tais in about 1 hour. I blacked out at some point. I was cut off by the bartender, an I then proceeded to cause a scene at the restaurant. My wife was absolutely appalled by this, and we left. On the ride home and when we returned to my house, I got into a very heated argument with my wife ( yelling and swearing) because she wouldn’t give me my car keys. This was all in front of my 2 young children, aged 1 and 4. My wife had to call my sister to come over to calm me down. I don’t remember any of this…

Obviously I can NEVER allow anything like this to happen again. I refuse to let my kids see me like this again. My wife made it very clear that if something like this happens again, she will leave and take the kids. The truth of the matter, is that I have no self-control when I get drunk. It’s like playing Russian roulette, as I never know when an if I am going to get to that point when I drink. Anyways, I am looking for some support. I know I need to stop, but I can not imagine my life without drinking.. 90% of all my social interactions involve drinking.
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Old 01-18-2018, 11:48 AM
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In my experience, and from what I have read alcoholism happens in stages. I, like you, only drank on the weekends at first. It was almost always fun, occasionally not, but I always drank on a different level then most.

Then I progressed to drinking on the weekdays on occasion. Then everyday, but only a few during the week and a lot on the weekend. This progressed to a 6 pack a day to 8 to 10 to 12. You get the picture. For a while I functioned well but as time went by I functioned less well. Until I got to the point where I didn't want to do anything that didn't involve drinking.

I became miserable and trapped. Needless to say, it took me 15 yrs of drinking everyday to finally realize that I needed to quit.

My advice to you would be don't follow my path, because if you keep going the way you were going you probably will.

Take what happened as a wake up call and a sign that you drink in a way most others do not.

To answer the question. It's a lot easier living without alcohol when you lived the way I did. Believe me.

Last edited by ljc267; 01-18-2018 at 11:51 AM. Reason: addition
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Old 01-18-2018, 11:51 AM
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It sure looks like you have come to the end of the road. But don’t worry - us humans, we’re able to adjust to everything. When I stopped drinking, I could not imagine that I would be doing this for good. Now, 6 months later, so much easier - of course there have been changes to my routines and the loss of drinking buddies, but at the end of the day it’s about managing a transition just like any other. Before you become a dad, you probably couldn’t have imagined giving up certain things, but then you did it to become a good parent, didn’t you?
What you are facing is fear of the unknown. Take heart - you’re doing this for your family and I give you my word as a brother in arms that it will turn out to be the best thing that you have ever done!
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Old 01-18-2018, 12:10 PM
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Wow.....like a lot of us - you've laid out plenty of good reasons to quit. Like a lot of us....you are bargaining with what it sounds like you know you need to do. Only you can decide to quit and stay that way- and discover what life is, indeed, like without alcohol.

What I can tell you with absolutely certainty is that - FOR ME and, truthfully, many people I know- it is possible, vastly better and in every way clearer, more peaceful and more rewarding to live without alcohol. There is not one single thing that was better in this alcoholic's life when I was drinking. Nothing.

It took me a long time to get to the point I was just DONE. My life is indeed completely different than it was when I was drinking - thank God. I work a dedicated AA program and will have 23 mo sober in three days.

I'm a truly happy person overall, I married a wonderful man who just happens to have been my high school sweetheart (I am 41 and we reunited just before I turned 40 and married this past Dec), I have only good people in my life who are trying to live their best lives (whether alcoholics or not), my calendar is full, decisions are far easier and better.....you get the idea.

I am beyond grateful I took the "leap" into sobriety. I lost a LOT before I got to that point - I hope you don't let that happen to you.

Long answer to your thread topic question - I wish you the kind of life that I have in sobriety. Best to you.
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Old 01-18-2018, 12:15 PM
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can you imagine a life without the dastardly EFFECTS of alcohol? sounding like it's all pretty awful......and dangerous.
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Old 01-18-2018, 12:36 PM
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Thanks for the reply’s thus far... I am amazed at how long I have been in denial about the booze being the main source of my problems in my life.. It’s crazy how alcohol messes with the brain.. despite all of the bad effects, I would generally feel better by Wednesday, and ready to drink by the weekend…

I have quit for a long period (1.5 years) in my mid 20’s. I had gotten an DUI and lost my job. I quit for in order to get my life back together, but slowly started back up again after that. I feel as every 6 months or so I have some sort of real bad drunken “episode”. I can’t let this happen again. I am very confident that I won’t have a problem quitting alcohol, as I feel my addiction is mental, not physical. The problem for me will be staying off the booze long term, after I start feeling better, and my brain convincing me that I can drink again. Do you know what I mean?
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Old 01-18-2018, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodLife32 View Post
The problem for me will be staying off the booze long term, after I start feeling better, and my brain convincing me that I can drink again. Do you know what I mean?
I think I might have some experience with that feeling, yes.

0% of my social interactions involve alcohol, and I am having many many more of them than I did before I quit drinking.
During the 1.5 years of post-DUI sobriety did you have 10% of your normal social activity?
Or maybe that estimate of the necessity for alcohol in your life is fueled by something other than clinical observation?

Welcome to SR. I wish I had quit at 32. I was 48 when my wife told me to knock it off or find another place to live. Thank God she did!
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:06 PM
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Thanks Nonsensical.... During my 1.5 years of sobriety, I mainly avoided social outings if I could.. I would make up excuses to not hang out with friends, or go to events. I remember going to a wedding, in which I had to leave halfway through, because I felt to out of place/awkard...

This time I want things to be different. I don't want to avoid these situations, but learn to be okay at them without the booze... I am completely fine at any type of social situation that does not include alcohol (gym, work conference, work lunches, day to day activities) but as soon as I am thrown into a situation where the expectation is to drink, I have problems...
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodLife32 View Post
..90% of all my social interactions involve drinking.
So did mine. Because I was a drunk. Now that I've quit, zero percent of my social interactions involve alcohol.

There is life after alcohol. You can't imagine it because you are still addicted. Recovery will change your outlook. And you will have to change your social life to support your decision to quit drinking.
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:10 PM
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Hi and welcome Goodlife

I had no idea how I might live without alcohol but I had no choice but to try as my drinking was killing me.

The good news is...it works out.

Sobriety is not remotely like what I thought it might be...it's a million times better

I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten...I love my life, and I'm not ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. I'm productive, content and my life has meaning.

Your life will change from what it is know - as will your ideas on fun, and probably your social circle will change a little too - but you'll change with it...I feel no sense of loss

The initial period is hard - no doubt about that - but it passes, and support really helps - it's worth it

D
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodLife32 View Post
The problem for me will be staying off the booze long term, after I start feeling better, and my brain convincing me that I can drink again. Do you know what I mean?
Absolutely. What helps me is to keep visiting SR on a regular basis, so I don’t forget what will happen if I take another drink. Of course that will take a lot of discipline; it’ll be easy to do this for a few weeks, but you’ll be tempted to stop doing it because you’ll think you have it under control. Read up on the disease as much as you can, until it REALLY has sunk in that this is a do or die situation for you. I recommend ‘51 things you should know about recovery’ as a starting point, mostly because your issue won’t be stopping, but staying sober. Good luck and stay close!
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:28 PM
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Not to sound cold, but you can't imagine your life without alcohol...imagine your life if you keep drinking alcohol. Stay close to this forum, we will help you and your family will love it.
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:32 PM
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Continuous recovery program I learned
27 yrs ago along with my faith as a guideline
to achieve health, happiness and honesty.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:25 PM
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So I already messed up.. I'm so mad at myself. Lasted 6 days. Went to a sports event last night. Had no intentions of drinking. I felt great and mentally strong all week, and I convinced myself Id be okay to go to this event.

As soon as I arrived, a horrible anxiety came over me, and the craving was to much to overcome. I ended up drinking 3 beers... definitely WAY less than I would have before I decided to quit.. however I am still very upset with myself.. The fact that I couldn't say no scares me.. The worst part about this, is that I lied to my wife when I got home and said I didnt drink.

With all that I have at risk, why did I still drink?
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodLife32 View Post
With all that I have at risk, why did I still drink?
Because you are addicted. What have you done since your first post to support your decision to quit drinking?

Sobriety is more than the decision to quit drinking. Deciding to quit is important, but merely the first step. If that was the only step you took, then it's no surprise that you drank.

Recovery takes a lot of change. Changes to how you view alcohol (and life without alcohol), changes to how you cope with life sober, changes to where you go, what you do socially, and who you hang out with.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:48 PM
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Lots of good points so far.

A couple of things I want to mention.

my hangovers have morphed into something horrible. Extreme anxiety and self hatred, shakes, and constant vomiting, night sweats, are the new after effects of a single night of drinking

It sounds like physically you've crossed the line. Alcoholism is progressive, your hangovers are only going to get worse. That's what happened to me. Then I came up with the brilliant idea of drinking a couple of beers in the morning to ease the hangover. I bet you can guess how well that worked out.

You need to stop drinking before you start losing stuff, like your wife, daily contact with your children, your self esteem and everything else you care about. If alcohol is your #1 priority, everything else comes in second place. Eventually, it could just be you and the bottle.

And your wife knows that you drank last night, she is just unsure how to confront you about it. Women have this intuition thing that drunk guys aren't going to pick up on.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodLife32 View Post
So I already messed up.. I'm so mad at myself.
.. however I am still very upset with myself.. The fact that I couldn't say no scares me.. The worst part about this, is that I lied to my wife when I got home and said I didnt drink.

With all that I have at risk, why did I still drink?
So I'm way new and not even 24 hours sober yet, so maybe I don't have a lot to offer. But I see that you're being awfully hard on yourself, and I don't know about you, but for me that feeds the guilt/shame monster that cycles into the screw it, I suck anyway, etc. mentality that leads to another drink/binge. Maybe give yourself some compassion - you slipped up. So what. Focus on today and this hour and then the next. You came here and owned what you did. That's better than nothing.

I'm pulling for you. This is gonna suck and have its many challenges, but better than blacking out your life literally and figuratively. Hang in there.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:52 PM
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Hello Good life. Try not to beat yourself up over the 3 beers. Sobriety is not easy but so worth it. I have tried before but this time have approached this so differently. 99 days today and I feel so grateful. Go to meetings, use SR, talk, talk,talk to others. You can do it..
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:55 PM
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I don't want to be around it at all this early on.

My college team, Oklahoma is playing Alabama right down the road next Saturday and my buddy, a Bama fan and big drinker, and I have had tickets for 3 months. He's got an uber lined up all ready for a big day in Tuscaloosa drinking.

I haven't had the heart to tell him, but I aint going. My sobriety is now my #1 priority and all else be damned. I don't trust myself this early on to say no in that environment.

I'm gonna go visit my parents in Mobile and take in a football game with my dad sober instead. That's a good decision.

When it becomes priority #1 and you guard it with your life, hopefully you won't cave. And hopefully I won't. Still early.
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Old 01-21-2018, 05:57 PM
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I couldn't imagine life without drinking. Now I can't imagine drinking again. My life sober is so much better, and simpler. After I'd been sober for a while, I just stopped thinking about drinking. It was no longer part of my life.

It takes some continuous sobriety before you get to that point, so don't give in to the self-destructive urge to drink. It takes a while to get comfortable sober. But it gets better with time.
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