What do people mean they realized they weren’t as functional as they thought?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 172
What do people mean they realized they weren’t as functional as they thought?
I’ve read people weren’t as functional as they thought when they were drinking regularly. I’m on day 17 so this is probably coming later but I haven’t noticed too much of a daily difference except that my eyes are less sleepy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
I thought I was on my A game while drinking. It took me about 9 months plus to truly realize how off I was on so many things. The obvious stuff came quickly. The subtle stuff still pops up now and then.
The first realization for me was I thought no-one knew about my heavy drinking. I live alone and drank alone mostly. All my friends and neighbors knew what was going on.
The first realization for me was I thought no-one knew about my heavy drinking. I live alone and drank alone mostly. All my friends and neighbors knew what was going on.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I drank for twenty years - first ten I was a hard drinker but I had no outward signs of trouble to most people...
last ten years - everyone knew.
Functional here refers to a phase/stage of active alcoholism.
You've already quit drinking so this really shouldn't be a problem for you readygo
You will find yourself more functional, in every way, after this initial up and down period tho for sure
D
last ten years - everyone knew.
Functional here refers to a phase/stage of active alcoholism.
You've already quit drinking so this really shouldn't be a problem for you readygo
You will find yourself more functional, in every way, after this initial up and down period tho for sure
D
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I wasn't an alcoholic, despite being in rehab and not quite remembering how I got there. Yeah, right.
As I went through the program I started remembering more and more instances where I wasn't all that high functioning. It was a gradual and humbling process.
Once you get sober you discover what being "functional" is really all about.
As I went through the program I started remembering more and more instances where I wasn't all that high functioning. It was a gradual and humbling process.
Once you get sober you discover what being "functional" is really all about.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Polk City, Fl
Posts: 5
As I got sober I began to realize the excuses that I made to myself, & the fact that I then bought, & owned & believed those excuses & lies that I made to myself. In other words I came to the realization that I only thought that I was functioning ok, because, really I had been talking myself into believing that for years.
For me, to maintain my sanity, I needed to be able to rationalize and excuse away my behavior, to myself, so it became ok for me to continue with my drinking & drug use. After all, that is what I was protecting, the ability to continue to use alcohol & drugs. I needed to protect that.
This really involved dishonesty with myself. I made all of these excuses & rationalizations to others also, but as I followed my path in sobriety, I discovered that the one that I was most dishonest with, was myself. And, while drinking & using drugs, I came to believe my own dishonesty. I was really creating my own delusion about myself & who I was.
It's really kind of like the peeling the onion thing. as you peel off one layer & become more self aware of yourself & who you are & were, it leads to another level of enlightenment about yourself. I really discovered the past & present levels of my own self delusional state.
I learned that the true definition of honesty is to be free of any deceit.
It's like you expose a whole another level of understanding about life & your personal relationship with it. And then another level, and another level & so on.
I started understanding that I hadn't been nearly as functional as I had believed that I was, and that I really had truly just been dishonest to myself & others & ended up believing these lies & rationalizations myself.
Understand that this doesn't happen overnight. My understanding at 1 week sober was different than my understanding at 6 months sober.
And my understanding at a year sober was again radically different than my understanding at 5 years sober.
It's an incremental thing & as time goes on it builds on itself, and that's truly frustrating for us because we've built ourselves to want instant results.
So just know that there is more to be revealed.
Disclaimer: Because I have only lived my life, I can only report my results. I have no idea if I would have experienced these results if I had not been in the rooms of AA. What I heard & learned in AA is what provided the catalyst for growth in my life.
For me, to maintain my sanity, I needed to be able to rationalize and excuse away my behavior, to myself, so it became ok for me to continue with my drinking & drug use. After all, that is what I was protecting, the ability to continue to use alcohol & drugs. I needed to protect that.
This really involved dishonesty with myself. I made all of these excuses & rationalizations to others also, but as I followed my path in sobriety, I discovered that the one that I was most dishonest with, was myself. And, while drinking & using drugs, I came to believe my own dishonesty. I was really creating my own delusion about myself & who I was.
It's really kind of like the peeling the onion thing. as you peel off one layer & become more self aware of yourself & who you are & were, it leads to another level of enlightenment about yourself. I really discovered the past & present levels of my own self delusional state.
I learned that the true definition of honesty is to be free of any deceit.
It's like you expose a whole another level of understanding about life & your personal relationship with it. And then another level, and another level & so on.
I started understanding that I hadn't been nearly as functional as I had believed that I was, and that I really had truly just been dishonest to myself & others & ended up believing these lies & rationalizations myself.
Understand that this doesn't happen overnight. My understanding at 1 week sober was different than my understanding at 6 months sober.
And my understanding at a year sober was again radically different than my understanding at 5 years sober.
It's an incremental thing & as time goes on it builds on itself, and that's truly frustrating for us because we've built ourselves to want instant results.
So just know that there is more to be revealed.
Disclaimer: Because I have only lived my life, I can only report my results. I have no idea if I would have experienced these results if I had not been in the rooms of AA. What I heard & learned in AA is what provided the catalyst for growth in my life.
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
When I was drinking I always considered myself a "functional" alcoholic. I had a good job. I had a car. My kid went to school with a packed lunch everyday, etc.
It's not until I became sober did I realize how NON-functional my life was prior. Yes, I had commitments that I juggled, but it had always been CHAOS trying to keep up that balancing act. Life in sobriety is so much easier (not always easy, but easiER) and I'm able to fulfill life's demands without constantly putting out fires that I've created.
I guess I enjoy being more than "functional" in my life. I like the feeling of being "successful" and "content."
It's not until I became sober did I realize how NON-functional my life was prior. Yes, I had commitments that I juggled, but it had always been CHAOS trying to keep up that balancing act. Life in sobriety is so much easier (not always easy, but easiER) and I'm able to fulfill life's demands without constantly putting out fires that I've created.
I guess I enjoy being more than "functional" in my life. I like the feeling of being "successful" and "content."
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I had a good paycheck from a job I hated. My bills were paid. My wife and kids had a roof over their heads and food in the fridge.
Now I have a mediocre paycheck from a job I love (I started my own business). My bills get paid. My wife and kids have a reliable husband and father. One who can have a conversation in the evenings. One who doesn't show up late for dinner reeking of whiskey and urine. One who enjoys family gatherings and the remarkable beautiful things that happen every day.
Now I have a mediocre paycheck from a job I love (I started my own business). My bills get paid. My wife and kids have a reliable husband and father. One who can have a conversation in the evenings. One who doesn't show up late for dinner reeking of whiskey and urine. One who enjoys family gatherings and the remarkable beautiful things that happen every day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
At 1 month sober, I'm just starting to scratch the surface of what it means to "function" at an optimal level. Specifically, what am I capable of, and how does that compare to my actions when I'm drinking, vs. when I'm sober? I completely agree that being a "functional alcoholic" is a stage, not a type, as others have said. At first, and even while drinking alcoholically, I out-performed my peers by most measures. A few years later, my world had gotten so small that I only did the things I had to do, in order to keep up appearances of being a good parent, employee, etc. So in other words, what's your best, and are you functioning at that level?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by PalmerSage 
At first, and even while drinking alcoholically, I out-performed my peers by most measures. A few years later, my world had gotten so small that I only did the things I had to do, in order to keep up appearances of being a good parent, employee, etc.
Thanks for starting this thread. I have been thinking about this too, andI really enjoyed reading everyone's ideas here. So helpful at this early stage in sobriety to have the experiences of folks with more experience.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Lots of great comments here. I particularly concur with shortstop and viking.
My thoughts on this very significant realization that dawned for me - and in some ways, still does at almost 23 mo (in three days) - are along these lines, which my husband says are even more true for him:
I was getting by. I thought I did a great job- at a job I could keep (for awhile). And not ones that were commensurate with my education and past achievements.
I thought I looked put together a lot more often than I really did;that searing contrast became abundantly clear in sobriety as pictures evidenced and more significantly as people reacted to my appearance and my demeanor, everything.
I thought boyfriends I picked were OK - they were all enablers, some as alcoholic as me, and certainly not ones who got my best as my precious husband does now.
I.....
I continued to lower my standards in pretty much every area of my life -no, make that EVERY area.
Now, with that honesty folks mentioned above, and acceptance that alcohol is no longer a part of my life, period, full stop - I can aspire to any heights I want and have begun achieving many. My accomplishments are real, my relationships are ALL positive, my contributions to the world around me are stable, solid and helpful to others.
My husband kept his high profile job- and thought he was doing it to his best ability. He sees that SO differently now. He too was home at night - sort of, as he was a workaholic who avoided his ex wife for years and when he was present for kids sports, etc....he now sees how he was at best semi-present for everything in his life. One of the biggest blessings of his sober life- and ours - is that things like being sober and able to pick up a child at any hour, not be hungover for Sat mornings, etc etc is the norm.
Above all, I know that I never need to lower my standards or live a sub-par life of my own any longer.
Talk about freedom and confidence!
My thoughts on this very significant realization that dawned for me - and in some ways, still does at almost 23 mo (in three days) - are along these lines, which my husband says are even more true for him:
I was getting by. I thought I did a great job- at a job I could keep (for awhile). And not ones that were commensurate with my education and past achievements.
I thought I looked put together a lot more often than I really did;that searing contrast became abundantly clear in sobriety as pictures evidenced and more significantly as people reacted to my appearance and my demeanor, everything.
I thought boyfriends I picked were OK - they were all enablers, some as alcoholic as me, and certainly not ones who got my best as my precious husband does now.
I.....
I continued to lower my standards in pretty much every area of my life -no, make that EVERY area.
Now, with that honesty folks mentioned above, and acceptance that alcohol is no longer a part of my life, period, full stop - I can aspire to any heights I want and have begun achieving many. My accomplishments are real, my relationships are ALL positive, my contributions to the world around me are stable, solid and helpful to others.
My husband kept his high profile job- and thought he was doing it to his best ability. He sees that SO differently now. He too was home at night - sort of, as he was a workaholic who avoided his ex wife for years and when he was present for kids sports, etc....he now sees how he was at best semi-present for everything in his life. One of the biggest blessings of his sober life- and ours - is that things like being sober and able to pick up a child at any hour, not be hungover for Sat mornings, etc etc is the norm.
Above all, I know that I never need to lower my standards or live a sub-par life of my own any longer.
Talk about freedom and confidence!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
What do people mean they realized they weren’t as functional as they thought?
for me it means i got out of denial. i stopped looking at outward things and looked internally and how i was functioning there.
for me it means i got out of denial. i stopped looking at outward things and looked internally and how i was functioning there.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Hadn't really thought of it this way.
Retaining a dull unfulfilling underpaying job, industry or career is not functional.
It's settling.
It isn't even about money, it's about wanting to get up in the morning. Drinking and using definitely makes it just bearable enough so that you stay there instead of moving on to something more fulfilling.
Retaining a dull unfulfilling underpaying job, industry or career is not functional.
It's settling.
It isn't even about money, it's about wanting to get up in the morning. Drinking and using definitely makes it just bearable enough so that you stay there instead of moving on to something more fulfilling.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I was a closet drinker always. It wasn't until I stopped drinking, that I realized I hadn't fooled as many people as I thought I had. And, I was convinced that no one outside of my family knew about my alcoholism. That wasn't true.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I was in debt up to my ears and mad horrible financial decisions that cost me perhaps a decade of my life to recoup from....
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I endangered people's lives and my own driving drunk, wound up in jail, incurred substantial jail time, was sentenced to community service and rehabilitative requirements.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I often neglected my responsibilities.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I wasn't emotionally aware, emotionally present, or capable of being REAL in my relationships - facts which contributed to the decline and fall of two marriages and at least one friendship.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I rationalized having affairs, lying, manipulating the facts to suit me.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I brought physical harm to my body through the over-use of drugs and alcohol, continued to smoke for many years, and likely did damage to my body that I will pay for long term.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I disappointed my family, failed to be the person I know now I am - for them and for myself.
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I sacrificed great portions of my life being under the influence or hungover.... time I lost and can never get back.
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I had no idea how dysfunctional I was and how insane it all was.....
I'm so glad I'm not "high functioning" anymore.
Sober is way, way better than "high functioning".
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I endangered people's lives and my own driving drunk, wound up in jail, incurred substantial jail time, was sentenced to community service and rehabilitative requirements.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I often neglected my responsibilities.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I wasn't emotionally aware, emotionally present, or capable of being REAL in my relationships - facts which contributed to the decline and fall of two marriages and at least one friendship.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I rationalized having affairs, lying, manipulating the facts to suit me.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I brought physical harm to my body through the over-use of drugs and alcohol, continued to smoke for many years, and likely did damage to my body that I will pay for long term.
When I believed I was "high functioning" I disappointed my family, failed to be the person I know now I am - for them and for myself.
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I sacrificed great portions of my life being under the influence or hungover.... time I lost and can never get back.
When I believed I was "high functioning" - I had no idea how dysfunctional I was and how insane it all was.....
I'm so glad I'm not "high functioning" anymore.
Sober is way, way better than "high functioning".
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Readygo
I’ve read people weren’t as functional as they thought when they were drinking regularly. I’m on day 17 so this is probably coming later but I haven’t noticed too much of a daily difference except that my eyes are less sleepy.
What functional means to me is that, while I drank, I maintained a decent job, showed up to work everyday, paid my bills, owned my home, took care of my personal hygiene.
But, it was a shallow, fear based life. I wasn't living, I was functioning.
Now, I have meaning in my life. I have a rich and satisfying inner life, my relationships have deepened and continue to deepen. I step out each day in faith, instead of fear. I am filled with gratitude, even when things aren't going great
I am filling up all the blank spaces that made up my old life. I see my life on the full colour spectrum, instead of shades of grey. I have clarity in my brain, in my spirit, in my outlook. I could go on but life is calling 
So, for me, yes, I was functional. But, I was not living.
I am McLovin'
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
For many years before I got sober I was a high functioning alcoholic. I had a good income, fancy job title, well liked and respected by peers, various overachievements throughout each year to point to. On the outside it looked like I had my act together and had a happy marriage and was a good father.
The truth was I was just skating by, I made a lot of compromises in my career where I wasn't fulfilled, my homelife was pretty miserable, I isolated a lot almost every night from my wife and kid to drink. It took me years of sobriety to come to the conclusion, but I was robbing myself of realizing my true potential in all areas of my life.
Today I live a life without regrets, without resentments, I quit my fancy title job and started a business which is far more fulfilling, my level of overacheivement has far surpassed what I thought was possible. My family is happy and we do all kinds of really fun stuff on a regular basis. Alcohol was holding me back.
I could have settled as a high functioning alcoholic, I would probably still be able to hold a job, probably not the one I wanted though. It is questionable if I would still be married or have any role as a dad to my kids. My health issues would probably have progressed and I'd be dealing with those. I would probably have a lower quality of life and likely die earlier. When you look at it that way, it's not really functioning at all.
The truth was I was just skating by, I made a lot of compromises in my career where I wasn't fulfilled, my homelife was pretty miserable, I isolated a lot almost every night from my wife and kid to drink. It took me years of sobriety to come to the conclusion, but I was robbing myself of realizing my true potential in all areas of my life.
Today I live a life without regrets, without resentments, I quit my fancy title job and started a business which is far more fulfilling, my level of overacheivement has far surpassed what I thought was possible. My family is happy and we do all kinds of really fun stuff on a regular basis. Alcohol was holding me back.
I could have settled as a high functioning alcoholic, I would probably still be able to hold a job, probably not the one I wanted though. It is questionable if I would still be married or have any role as a dad to my kids. My health issues would probably have progressed and I'd be dealing with those. I would probably have a lower quality of life and likely die earlier. When you look at it that way, it's not really functioning at all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
I certainly would have categorized myself as high functioning because I never missed work and honored the commitments I had to honor. Also, no one knew I drank as much as I did.
Now, after being sober over a year, I realized I wasn't high functioning at all. Maybe early on I was.
In truth, I hide my alcohol consumption from everyone. I put the empty cans in different garbage bags, put them on the bottom of the garbage, and hide cases of beer in the garage.
I also avoid any obligation possible I could where drinking wasn't the norm. Not very high functioning.
Now, after being sober over a year, I realized I wasn't high functioning at all. Maybe early on I was.
In truth, I hide my alcohol consumption from everyone. I put the empty cans in different garbage bags, put them on the bottom of the garbage, and hide cases of beer in the garage.
I also avoid any obligation possible I could where drinking wasn't the norm. Not very high functioning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by tesquizito
For many years before I got sober I was a high functioning alcoholic. I had a good income, fancy job title, well liked and respected by peers, various overachievements throughout each year to point to. On the outside it looked like I had my act together and had a happy marriage and was a good father.
The truth was I was just skating by, I made a lot of compromises in my career where I wasn't fulfilled, my homelife was pretty miserable, I isolated a lot almost every night from my wife and kid to drink. It took me years of sobriety to come to the conclusion, but I was robbing myself of realizing my true potential in all areas of my life.
Today I live a life without regrets, without resentments, I quit my fancy title job and started a business which is far more fulfilling, my level of overacheivement has far surpassed what I thought was possible. My family is happy and we do all kinds of really fun stuff on a regular basis. Alcohol was holding me back.
I could have settled as a high functioning alcoholic, I would probably still be able to hold a job, probably not the one I wanted though. It is questionable if I would still be married or have any role as a dad to my kids. My health issues would probably have progressed and I'd be dealing with those. I would probably have a lower quality of life and likely die earlier. When you look at it that way, it's not really functioning at all.
The truth was I was just skating by, I made a lot of compromises in my career where I wasn't fulfilled, my homelife was pretty miserable, I isolated a lot almost every night from my wife and kid to drink. It took me years of sobriety to come to the conclusion, but I was robbing myself of realizing my true potential in all areas of my life.
Today I live a life without regrets, without resentments, I quit my fancy title job and started a business which is far more fulfilling, my level of overacheivement has far surpassed what I thought was possible. My family is happy and we do all kinds of really fun stuff on a regular basis. Alcohol was holding me back.
I could have settled as a high functioning alcoholic, I would probably still be able to hold a job, probably not the one I wanted though. It is questionable if I would still be married or have any role as a dad to my kids. My health issues would probably have progressed and I'd be dealing with those. I would probably have a lower quality of life and likely die earlier. When you look at it that way, it's not really functioning at all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 13
For me I managed to get from 12 yrs to 35 and achieved a good amount of success. I graduated high school and college (bachelors in Architecture), I am married with 3 (soon to be 4) beautiful children. I have worked my way into a managerial role within Government.
Still I look back and realize that I was a functioning alcoholic only because I have a knack for certain things; I was getting by mostly on God given ability. Had I really invested myself and put my best foot forward there's no telling where I'd be right now.
That being said I am putting my best foot forward and looking ahead to great success in the future.
Congrats on the 17 days! Keep it up!
Still I look back and realize that I was a functioning alcoholic only because I have a knack for certain things; I was getting by mostly on God given ability. Had I really invested myself and put my best foot forward there's no telling where I'd be right now.
That being said I am putting my best foot forward and looking ahead to great success in the future.
Congrats on the 17 days! Keep it up!
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