Erinkat

Hi all. I'm new to posting, but I've been reading posts for a while now. Today is day 17 of my sobriety. I've gone 30 days in the past for a "wake up" but never really considered quitting entirely until the past year or so. I started having feelings of shame about my drinking and knew this day was coming. I've been drinking too much for years. A stable alcoholic if you will, it never affected my work, and I considered myself a "good time drinker" for many years. But I wasn't. I was using alcohol whether it was a vodka night or a beer and whiskey night to temporarily escape reality.

I don't want to make excuses anymore. I don't ever want another hangover. I don't want to feel shame any longer. If I'm being honest let me say that the straw that broke the camel's back was noticing a few physical changes: some small broken capillaries, a red glow, BP that I could feel sometimes, circles under my eyes. I turned 40 this past year, and I knew the time to stop was now.

I'm feeling pretty okay. I have some feelings of regret like I should've done a farewell tour of my favorite drinks (sad but true.) At the same time I'm happy to be ending The Who What Where cycle. Who to drink with? What to drink? Where to drink? I'm happy to be settling into an evening routine of cooking, catching up on household things I let slip for months (shameful), reading (I still read tons while drinking somehow) and time set aside for self care (whitening my teeth, washing my face, slathering myself in lavender lotion lol.) I am worried about how this plays out on day 30, day 50, etc. but as long as I don't drink today I'm glad.

Thanks for being here!

Erin

Dee74

Hi and welcome erinkat - great to have you join us
Try and not worry too much - there's a ton of support here - you're not alone

D

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Erin. I stopped drinking last year at age 40 and it was one of the best decisions I've made. I was also starting to see telltale physical signs, and like you I was "functional," though in hindsight maybe not as functional as I thought It's a great thing to do—congrats on 17 days!

Dustitoffman

Hi Erincat

My experience was day 30 a good physical milestone you have accomplished an amount that you will not want to give up.
My progress was slow having rid myself of the more physical draws from alcohol I experienced PAWS post acute withdrawal, brain fog depression feeling like my processing system had slowed so much that all was difficult.
That all said things slowly became easier I think at about 80 days I felt things start to dramatically improve. I made 111 days and I planned to drink at Christmas. 7 days later I ripped myself back out from the cycle of drinking again feeling used and abused. Realisation and feelings of the waste and stupidity of what I had done. I mean how absurd, what a twit. The lesson learned from this, I will not plan to make the same mistake again. At 111 days I was proud and feeling healthy and determined. Now I am with you on 18 days I found myself zapped straight back into the brain fog, low self esteem, feeling like my brain processer has slowed down and that all tasks that I consider logically to be streight forward become hard and complicated.
Things are slowly getting better and I am hoping that I improve swiftly to how I was feeling pre slip.
18 days is great well done us keep it up because 3 months is not really a long length of time and the improvements are dramatic. I hope that we both get to see what improvements come from 6, 12, 24 months. Best wishes on your road to recovery. We all walk a different paths in recovery and you may have a completely different experience through this time🙏