Feel like I’m getting nowhere
 

I’m just over 4 months sober after over a decade of heavy drinking and drug abuse. I’m unemployed and have had to move back to small home town with my elderly father. I feel like I should be looking after him but I’m a mess. I have debts I have trouble staying on top of. I wake up every morning to panic attacks and suffer from severe depression and anxiety every day. I’ve been to AA and found it doesn’t work for me. I’m seeing a doctor and am about to start new anti depressants next week as the old one did nothing. I have to wait until the old one is out of my system. I’m on a waiting list for counselling and a psychologist but it’s 3 weeks for the first and two months for the second. I have to force myself to eat and trying to get some exercise by walking brings on agoraphobia. I feel like I’m trying everything but not getting anywhere. I keep hoping it will get better but I don’t know how long I can bear feeling this way. I have suicidal ideation but couldn’t go through with the deed. I tried at my rock bottom when drunk last year and it scared me.

I am sorry you are going through this. If you are having suicidal ideation I would go an emergency room and check in. They are equipped to handle this and they will be able to stablize you . Don't wait... this is critical. Good luck

Thanks. I’ve thought about it. I’ve called a number of phone help lines this morning and they were some help. If it gets worse I will.

Hi Guffman, you sound so sad and helpless. I'm sorry you feel trapped. I know that feeling well, and I know how much it can seem like there is no hope out there when you're depressed. I do think if you put your energy towards little steps, day by day it can get better. It sounds like you've done a few great things already, like getting yourself on the waiting list for counseling and trying antidepressants. It will take some time to get things in order, yes, but you've made a start and you're trying. I think you should be very proud of both of those things. Talking with people here should definitely help too :) :grouphug:

Thank you. There’s a mental health triage service that do house calls where I live. They’re coming over this evening. This site has been of great benefit to me, it helps just to know I’m not alone sometimes.

You are definitely not alone. :)

I'm glad you are getting some help this evening. Hopefully, you will feel better after talking with the triage team.

Have faith that the antidepressant search will pay off. I had to try 3 before one worked and even then, the dosage needed adjusting, but it's worth it.

Welcome to the family. :) I hope the new meds help. Sometimes it takes some trial and error to find the right one.

Congrats on four months sober! :)

Thanks to both of you. I definitely know the feeling of trial and error when it comes to anti depressant meds. This will be the fifth one I’ve tried over the course of many years.

Hi Guffman :)

Support really helped me with a lot of those kinds of things. AA is a good tool for a lot of people but of course it can't help with any other issue but alcoholism.

Not sure whereabouts in Oz you are, but I found that you sometimes have to make a bit of noise to get seen as a matter of urgency? Glad you have the mental health triage swinging by :)

D

Congrats on four months and welcome. The forums are not a replacement for a hotline but you are taking the right steps and make sure you look for support in real life and online. Dont give up and keep us posted! Welcome, my friend!

I’m in the ACT. Doctors and the mental health triage unit have told me they have a shortage of mental health workers here which is why there are such long wait times. Yeah, I know about kicking up a stink. I’ve had to do that before when presenting at a hospital. Lifeline gave me the same advice. I think that’s why the mental triage unit are coming over later, I didn’t pull any punches with them when I spoke to them for a second time this morning. Thanks a lot for your replies, hopefully the visit will help.

Hi Dee74,

AA helped to an extent, eventually though I found that there were too many elements of the steps and the big book that didn't sit very well with me. You're right too, it can only go so far. The mental health issues that I drank and drugged to avoid I now have to deal with sober, that's not really AA's role.

Once again, thanks to you all for responding. It was hard to reach out like this. The triage team was very good and helpful, they’re going to stay in touch.

IMO you are heading in the right direction and can look forward to the new anti-depressants and counselling. The debts, unemployment, living with relative are not the big deal it is how you are feeling about life and yourself that will change with the help you will be getting and then all the externals will become more manageable. Stay sober and be a little patient, try and distract yourself by doing something/anything each day.

Great to hear Guffman - Keep posting here too :)

D