Why do people relapse after being sober for longer periods of time?
 

I’m 14 days in and I’m so terrified of relapsing. I know we keep fighting the cravings and eventually they aren’t so loud and then then disappear all together. I have read on here though that people will go months or even a year to years sober and then relapse. This has happened in my family but I never really understood why. What kinds of things would I need to prepare for realistically with how strong the addiction call is, even with time?

A guy in my IOP class was sober 22 years then decided he would “have a beer with lunch”

Scary...

because the beast never sleeps......we must maintain a rigid, inflexible attitude towards consumption of any substances. complacency is our enemy.

at 14 days or 14 years. there is a reason why you see old timers in meetings. there is a reason why folks with lots of time are still here posting and sharing.

I got complacent after 20 yrs sober and started drinking 'a glass' of wine in the afternoon to calm down before the kids got home from high school. Within a matter of months, I was drinking all day, every day. :(

Now I have 8 yrs sober and have never forgotten where I came from and how innocently it started.

I don't do meetings, but I do come here every day and read and post. I also make it a habit to practice gratitude every day. :) Gratitude makes us focus on the positives. Practicing gratitude can make you happier. :)

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=1

What you are asking is something I ask often. I’ve got three months in, but I also am amazed at those that go years and then fall off the wagon. Is it a tragedy that triggers it or just complacency?

Exactly. Just as I washing up dishes today, the thought entered my head that next Christmas, I'll have one glass of wine. No idea where that came from. The A/V is a sneaky bugger and will start chipping away far in advance.

My personal experience and observations lead me to believe that it is complacency. Like a lot of things worth having, sobriety doesn't just "happen" by stopping your consumption of alcohol. You have to consciously spend time on it on a regular basis. Granted, usually you have to spend more time early on...and what you do will change over time as well. But if you simply stop doing anything, your addctioin will find a way to o creep back in.

Try to think of it this way readygo..

You've bought a car - if you take care of it, it can last you forever...but if you forget to maintain the engine, it might still get you from A to B for a long time...but one day the likelihood is it'll break down

I came into recovery thinking getting sober was one event - BANG I'm sober.

Turns out it's an ongoing process.

That doesn't mean the ongoing process is always a struggle - it gets easier :)

It's like brushing your teeth, tying your shoelace or breathing - all just part of our day.

Yes, people relapse sometimes,...they forget some part of the ongoing process...but there's no requiremwnt or necessity to relapse :)

Try not to be scared of relapse.

I've changed from who I used to be, Those old wants and desires have no power over me now.

I control my life and what I do. I make good decisions now and I don't live in fear.

14 days is a great start but it will get a lot better and easier than this :)

I've had friends here at SR, sadly now passed, who were sober for many many years.

Those are the people I look to for examples..and strength.

D

Hi ready

Well this is just an observation but most of your threads appear to be focused on 'what if', 'what happens when', 'how do I prevent (plug in some future random event). I get this, I do. Obsessive over thinking maybe?

A couple of concepts that are really important for me in recovery are living in today as it is right now, and acceptance. And acceptance is huge. I mean, holy crap huge.

You have 14 days....and that is awesome. Try to stay with that....tomorrow you'll have 15 and hopefully you won't drink. Read, listen, learn, more will be revealed. Be grateful for right here, right now, cause nothing else actually exists.

I second complacency.

im another that believes complacency. also,after being on a dry drunk and coming close to drinking, resting on my laurels.
alcohol is subtle foe. im not cured of alcoholism, just a daily reprieve.

I'm also terrified of relapse so I am also very interested in the question. Lately I'm wondering if I use that fear of falling off the wagon as an excuse to not even try.

The reason people relapse is because they do not take drinking off the table forever. Many just take it off "one day at a time", so they leave the door open for future use.

Make a permanent promise. "I will never drink alcohol again, and I will never change my mind, no matter what."

It doesn't matter what happens - the key is NEVER change your mind, NO MATTER WHAT. If you never drink alcohol again, you will never have another relapse. Never have another Day 1. There is no bargaining and it is so freeing.

This is the method I use and I'll be 3 years sober in Feb. I have never attended meetings. My only support is reading here on SR. No white knuckling, no regrets. Life has gotten better and I have no desires to drink alcohol, because I don't drink and I will never change my mind, no matter what.

CF


CF

Another vote for complacency.

I am one who relapsed after 6 years sober, many years ago.

Today I have 3 years sober and I view my sobriety as a precious gift that I thought I would never get back. Not gonna make that mistake again.

Yesterday while attending a gathering of football fans watching their favorite team there was a ceremonial passing out of the "yellow and black" jello shots. "Yellow and black, yellow and black, take one." Is there alcohol in it? Yes. Then no I don't want one, you know I don't drink. "Well you can have one can't you?" NO, I can't have any. A half hour later, do you want one this time. I just gave that look like, "You're kidding me!"

Why do people relapse? I don't know. Because my thoughts are that if one "relapses" it's because they wanted to relapse.

AND - Because they were not/are not educated enough on addiction/alcoholism, it's cause and effect and the propensity of an alcoholic to always "be" an alcoholic. The last part of that goes along with the educational aspect of the entire dilemma.

There is no such thing as a "dry drunk". I've searched medical publications for it - it isn't there. Do not let the dogma of any organization fool you into thinking a "relapse" is inevitable for anyone who does not subscribe to certain behaviors as written. Unless one is given factual evidence about how alcohol affects them in a true medical sense, they may never fully comprehend it. And until they do, they are more subject to "relapsing". Don't let anyone lay that "dry drunk syndrome" nonsense on you to give you the excuse you want. Learn about it, and decided whether or not you wish to 'get better' by refusing that drink - or any alcohol laden food product.

Many people 'relapse' because they believe they are expected to relapse. And that is a shame. Relapse is NOT a part of getting sober. Getting sober is and should remain a one time event.

Like lots of others here I believe it was complacency for me. I had 15 years of sobriety and thought I could handle a drink now and then. That was a huge mistake, to say the least. I was also performing in a band with a lot of partiers so booze was always around and accepted. My profound mistake ended 4 years later with me drinking around the clock, losing my gig, losing my job, and nearly losing my mind and my life.
14 days is awesome, Readygo. Keep up the good work and don't obsess over relapse. Now is all that we have; don't worry about the future and don't drink. SR has been a enormous help to me in getting and staying sober, and I hope you stick around and accept the experience, strength and hope of the good people here. Wishing you all the best in your sober journey.

So, it's your fault the Steelers lost? :lmao I'm kidding!!

I relapsed because I got overconfident I had it beat,
and because in my heart I wasn't ready to accept never drinking again.

But when you do relapse, you realize you are right back where you started
in your addiction or even worse.

Stopping doesn't make any "improvement" so you do better when you start again--not for long anyway.

Best plan is quit for good and build a sober life in recovery.
Then it doesn't matter--alcohol is not even part of the equation.

For the people in early sobriety i would say it is complacency that always gets them but for people with say 5 years plus abstinence in my experience it has been a big change in circumstances that has put them into a position they have not had to health with in their sober time. Thinking back on some of the ones i have seen: debt, new relationship, failed relationship, death, illness, change in career and stuff like that. They didn't leave a back door open and their sobriety was solid but it happened, so i guess, to coin a phrase sobriety lost its priority. I know quite a few old timers and sobriety/recovery is their life, it is above all else and they stay sober but not allowing family, friends, career, relationships etc to take over the number one spot of their priorities; not easy but achievable if you have that level of commitment and maintain it.

Just a reminder - no recovery debates please - relapse is no respecter of method.

Dee
Moderator
SR