Notices

I hate myself!

Old 01-14-2018, 09:37 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
I hate myself!

I'm really struggling to cope with anxiety. I started drinking again after 8 days and I feel absolutely dreadful. I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. So I drank some wine to take the edge off.

I hate what I have become. I want to stop. I really want to stop.

I am dreading tonight and tomorrow as I will be so anxious and it will be awful.

So sorry for the self pity, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 09:46 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Sunflower17 View Post
I'm really struggling to cope with anxiety. I started drinking again after 8 days and I feel absolutely dreadful. I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. So I drank some wine to take the edge off.

I hate what I have become. I want to stop. I really want to stop.

I am dreading tonight and tomorrow as I will be so anxious and it will be awful.

So sorry for the self pity, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
You can do this! I'm on Day #1. I'm feeling terrible too, but if you are anything like me you have to quit.
1155 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 09:55 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by 1155 View Post
You can do this! I'm on Day #1. I'm feeling terrible too, but if you are anything like me you have to quit.
Thanks 1155. Congratulations on day 1!

I have to quit. I'm terrified that I have badly damaged my health by binging over many years. I don't want to waste any more of my life feeling like this. It is absolutely soul destroying.
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 09:59 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
I'm so sorry, and I've totally been there. I hate that feeling of drinking in the morning to take the edge off. And the dread of fearing your future emotions. You can survive this! What you're feeling right now will be the motivation you need to recover.
ProfessorD is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:06 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by ProfessorD View Post
I'm so sorry, and I've totally been there. I hate that feeling of drinking in the morning to take the edge off. And the dread of fearing your future emotions. You can survive this! What you're feeling right now will be the motivation you need to recover.
It really is horrific. However, I shall use it as a motivator to stop. I did it before and I started to feel great. But then I messed up. I shall use these forums every single day.
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:10 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Hillbilly Girl
 
MariahGayle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
You can do this sunflower.....be kind to yourself!
MariahGayle is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:20 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
[QUOTE=Sunflower17;6746983]Thanks 1155. Congratulations on day 1!

I have to quit. I'm terrified that I have badly damaged my health by binging over many years. I don't want to waste any more of my life feeling like this. It is absolutely soul destroying.[/QUOTE

I feel the same way, but the only way we can repair our bodies and souls is to never drink again!
1155 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:28 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
I know 1155. I don't want to drink anymore. It makes me hate myself so much.
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:31 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by MariahGayle View Post
You can do this sunflower.....be kind to yourself!
I hope I can! I'm desperate to feel better!
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:48 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Mr
 
theVman31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Take a look at your life with the drink in it.
Think about and imagine your life without it.

"just don't know what to do with myself anymore"

It's easy quitting. Staying quit takes some work.
Are you really ready to put in the work.
What's going to be different this time.

Wishing you sobriety,
V.
theVman31 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:51 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I've stopped counting the days wild F
I am taking action on my plan
My thinking/feelings are corrosive if I don't act to change the mood.
I am currently doing the following -
Morning on my knees check in and talk to my HP. Serenity prayer for me and some courageous empowered talk. No whining no victim a winning attitude it must be strong and determined it's a relationship with my HP I have to do my part of that relationship to keep it working for me!
Read short section of my AA big book
Review and add to my gratitude list
Read a daily meditation
Then reference my to do list which I wrote the night before when I went to bed.
And a simple to the point journal entry if I'm Mad! Usually at myself for crumbling so many times and the **** it creates.
This takes me around 15 mins.
Drinking takes days and days!
Then I have a cup of tea and get on with my day.

There's more but I just wanted to share that with you.
G
Chin up wildflower
The only obstacle to your new sober life is you.
I'm my obstacle and I'm my way out.
Don't be afraid you were born to do this!
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:58 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
get any residual booze OUT of the house, down the drain, down the toilet, GONE. make you home "sober central".

anxiety is no fun.....but it is survivable, without alcohol. exchange despair for hope, combat sadness by finding joy. start a gratitude list - don't worry about coming up with THE BEST LIST EVER....just list the small simple things already in your life for which you are grateful.

cherish sobriety. cherish yourself. you are worth it.
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:59 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
Thanks Ghosted. Your words have really resonated with me. I am so sick of this battle with myself.

I am working all week this week so I will not drink. However, my 'problem' time will be the weekend. I have tended to drink from Friday through till Sunday... And I was drinking during the week as well.

I intend to make plans with my sober friend so that I am busy and away from temptation. There is no alcohol in the house and I will not buy anymore.

I intend to make today my day one.
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 11:03 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
get any residual booze OUT of the house, down the drain, down the toilet, GONE. make you home "sober central".

anxiety is no fun.....but it is survivable, without alcohol. exchange despair for hope, combat sadness by finding joy. start a gratitude list - don't worry about coming up with THE BEST LIST EVER....just list the small simple things already in your life for which you are grateful.

cherish sobriety. cherish yourself. you are worth it.
Thank you!!! I've never done a gratitude list before. It sounds like a good idea
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 11:23 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
My sponsor calls gratitude the aristocrat of emotion. I love that.
Addiction is an illness of negativity!
So I must count my blessings
Be determined to access positive energy
I need a daily program
It's what I am presently doing
Surprise surprise
I'm enjoying a decent quality of sobriety!
Recovery in my experience is simple
But I am complicated that's the rub!
Surround yourself wherever and whenever you can with sober winners
It's contagious!!
Tough love states that
I have to get off my arse humble myself be sincere and honest stay right sized.. Don't get over excited when I'm doing well, develop mature emotions and slowly rise.
That's my plan!
G
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 12:08 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Sunflower17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
I'm dreading going to sleep as I just know I'm going to have an awful night! My anxiety is horrific 😢
Sunflower17 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 12:39 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Guest
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
You can do this sunflower ☺

You may well have a bad night but at least you won't have a hangover in the morning so will feel a bit better.

When I got sober last time my anxiety almost disappeared. Occasionally came back but I could manage it. Since picking up again my anxiety is awful too. Drinking causes my anxiety doesn't cure it. I'm only on day 8 but feel slightly less anxious each day. I know it will get better and it will for you too.
ReadyAtLast is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 12:40 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,331
Sunflower, I'm sorry that you're really struggling right now. Alcoholism takes everything important from us, and leaves us feeling hatred towards ourselves. That's how it keeps us hooked. You can get through the night, and yes, you will likely struggle with anxiety tomorrow, but you can get past it. You can begin to like yourself and be proud of yourself.
Anna is online now  
Old 01-14-2018, 03:53 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Thinking of you wildflower
G
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-14-2018, 05:59 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
time2shineagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 374
The alcohol-induced-anxiety and shame are two of my biggest motivators to quit, Sunflower. It's horrible and in my head I know there will be so much less anxiety without alcohol in my life. Just wanted to wish you well and let you know you aren't alone. X
time2shineagain is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:13 AM.