Everyone is against a geographic and I don't understand why. HELP
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
I just don't think its a great idea right now. With some sober time behind you, some cash in the bank and a completed education it would be a great idea, a good life adventure anyway.
I've lived here my whole life cept the 9 years I lived in CO, and well, to be honest I hate it here.
My plan is to move back to CO when the time is absolutely right which is when I have some more sober muscles built.
In the end its your choice. You've gotten a lot of great advice from everybody here
I've lived here my whole life cept the 9 years I lived in CO, and well, to be honest I hate it here.
My plan is to move back to CO when the time is absolutely right which is when I have some more sober muscles built.
In the end its your choice. You've gotten a lot of great advice from everybody here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
Well I do have my BA completed in psychology if that counts for anything haha but yes a graduate degree would open much more doors in the long run..wow surprised to hear that you hate it ...why is that?
I just don't think its a great idea right now. With some sober time behind you, some cash in the bank and a completed education it would be a great idea, a good life adventure anyway.
I've lived here my whole life cept the 9 years I lived in CO, and well, to be honest I hate it here.
My plan is to move back to CO when the time is absolutely right which is when I have some more sober muscles built.
In the end its your choice. You've gotten a lot of great advice from everybody here
I've lived here my whole life cept the 9 years I lived in CO, and well, to be honest I hate it here.
My plan is to move back to CO when the time is absolutely right which is when I have some more sober muscles built.
In the end its your choice. You've gotten a lot of great advice from everybody here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
Care to elaborate a bit more?
Again,man.. ****...your**** will follow you. I'm not trying to be harsh at all,but as of now,you are who you are. No matter where you go,you can not run from this...it will follow you,IF you don't *fix* it. I could sell my stuff and live alone on an island..and there *I* am. There's NO quick fix for sobriety,bro...it's work! Ex's married..OK? Not your concern. friends moved? OK..cool.. This is about you,man. Again..not trying to be harsh.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Sure.. I had thought that a change of location would help me get sober. I could travel around for a few months-a year and everything would be fine. Then I started court ordered AA and started really listening to the posters here with some sober time behind them and what 'worked' for them. I'm not an avid AA'er but, when there's a few guys/gals with 10-30+yrs of sobriety behind them it got/held my attention. I realised I want what they have. That meant not 'running away' from my problems/life. I had to face it and still do on a daily,sometimes hourly basis.
An old high school buddy of mine went out to CA about 4 years ago for a 6mo rehab(rich family),he got sober while there and was surfing,ect..basically having a long dry vacation. He built his life back up over the past 3yrs and he called me the other night..relapsed. He told me that while in CA he never addressed his problems at home and within himself. So, now he's going to seek treatment in his home state with some therapy.
An old high school buddy of mine went out to CA about 4 years ago for a 6mo rehab(rich family),he got sober while there and was surfing,ect..basically having a long dry vacation. He built his life back up over the past 3yrs and he called me the other night..relapsed. He told me that while in CA he never addressed his problems at home and within himself. So, now he's going to seek treatment in his home state with some therapy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
Another thing is my home situation is not too good either. I am not in a good living situation here. So moving into a recovery program would probably help me on that end as well. But I see what you’re saying. I am not “running” I am going towards a better opportunity.
Sure.. I had thought that a change of location would help me get sober. I could travel around for a few months-a year and everything would be fine. Then I started court ordered AA and started really listening to the posters here with some sober time behind them and what 'worked' for them. I'm not an avid AA'er but, when there's a few guys/gals with 10-30+yrs of sobriety behind them it got/held my attention. I realised I want what they have. That meant not 'running away' from my problems/life. I had to face it and still do on a daily,sometimes hourly basis.
An old high school buddy of mine went out to CA about 4 years ago for a 6mo rehab(rich family),he got sober while there and was surfing,ect..basically having a long dry vacation. He built his life back up over the past 3yrs and he called me the other night..relapsed. He told me that while in CA he never addressed his problems at home and within himself. So, now he's going to seek treatment in his home state with some therapy.
An old high school buddy of mine went out to CA about 4 years ago for a 6mo rehab(rich family),he got sober while there and was surfing,ect..basically having a long dry vacation. He built his life back up over the past 3yrs and he called me the other night..relapsed. He told me that while in CA he never addressed his problems at home and within himself. So, now he's going to seek treatment in his home state with some therapy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
As long as it's a positive move for you, go for it. I personally can't stand la LOL. I love most of southern CA though(beach areas). If I could just win the powerball.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
There is a major transit line that runs right through Hollywood. You can get a train there that will take you Downtown, to the Santa Monica Pier (beach), Long Beach, Pasadena, East LA. USC is 15 minutes on the train. UCLA about 45. Buses run everywhere.
There's a huge transit push in LA and has been for a number of years. It's finally working. No, it's not like Manhattan and it never will be...things are just so spread out, the "last mile" is always a problem. Transfers can take a long time, and the service is less frequent than the NYC subways. So it can be a lot slower, and you definitely can't get EVERYWHERE, at least without a major time investment. But for the first time in decades, it IS possible to live in LA without a car. A lot of people in their 20s and early 30s are choosing not to get cars, and bicycles lanes are exploding.
Downtown used to be a ghost town after 6pm when everybody left work. Now it's bursting with life and entertainment, and is a very walkable place.
You can plan your living situation near your eventual job and your sober living near mass transit.
I'm not saying that LA is the right decision, but being without a car need not be a major factor on moving there.
There's a huge transit push in LA and has been for a number of years. It's finally working. No, it's not like Manhattan and it never will be...things are just so spread out, the "last mile" is always a problem. Transfers can take a long time, and the service is less frequent than the NYC subways. So it can be a lot slower, and you definitely can't get EVERYWHERE, at least without a major time investment. But for the first time in decades, it IS possible to live in LA without a car. A lot of people in their 20s and early 30s are choosing not to get cars, and bicycles lanes are exploding.
Downtown used to be a ghost town after 6pm when everybody left work. Now it's bursting with life and entertainment, and is a very walkable place.
You can plan your living situation near your eventual job and your sober living near mass transit.
I'm not saying that LA is the right decision, but being without a car need not be a major factor on moving there.
Well I’m not just moving to LA I will be entering an intensive 6 month recovery program....upon completing the 6 mo program I will be residing in a sober living facility that is affiliated with the program...
so while it's intensive its not inpatient? hence why you need the car - but it's sober house living once the course is finished?
Don't quite understand that, Mister M?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 78
I have often daydreamed of selling my car and my things and moving to NYC. I love the culture there. I’m not sure I could handle the cold though.
I’ve thought a lot about geographical changes. It could be nice. I think for me though (and as my counselor says) I needed to deal with stuff here. I truly did just want to run away. I didn’t want to deal with the broken relationships here, my job, etc. Maybe that is partly what you are doing, too?
Why not try a different crowd/ 12 step group in NYC? Get some sober time under your belt, deal with some of this stuff, and then move? Just a thought : )
I’ve thought a lot about geographical changes. It could be nice. I think for me though (and as my counselor says) I needed to deal with stuff here. I truly did just want to run away. I didn’t want to deal with the broken relationships here, my job, etc. Maybe that is partly what you are doing, too?
Why not try a different crowd/ 12 step group in NYC? Get some sober time under your belt, deal with some of this stuff, and then move? Just a thought : )
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
I appreciate everyone's input. I do want to add that I do have domestic violence concerns where I'm at and this family member actively puts my life at risk. Moving due to PTSD and an abusive family member/stalker is not unheard of. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not be haunted by my stalker/abuser. Moving just seems like the best thing to do.
I hope I can receive your support and best wishes and positive input on my decision to move.
I hope I can receive your support and best wishes and positive input on my decision to move.
Hi MisterM,
sorry to hear of your difficult living situation at home ad I think you've received some good advice.
I may be reading incorrectly here but it seems as though you want people on these SR to tell you that moving to LA is the right thing and best thing for you to do. no one can tell you that. We can share experiences, as I did earlier on, but no one can make the decision for you. you say everyone in your life is against the move. you do seem to be acting on what others say and tell you to do quite a lot. do what is right for you.
Are there other options? eg stay in NYC which gives you the opportunity to continue with your education but find somewhere else to live. Can you look into rehab in NY so you're not changing everything all at once? Or maybe move somewhere else, closer to NY but further enough away for a change and some distance. Moving totally across the country with no job and no car and no idea what awaits you does seem pretty extreme.
As Icoi says maybe try a different crowd, go to different AA meetings, go to several every day if you need to.
sorry to hear of your difficult living situation at home ad I think you've received some good advice.
I may be reading incorrectly here but it seems as though you want people on these SR to tell you that moving to LA is the right thing and best thing for you to do. no one can tell you that. We can share experiences, as I did earlier on, but no one can make the decision for you. you say everyone in your life is against the move. you do seem to be acting on what others say and tell you to do quite a lot. do what is right for you.
Are there other options? eg stay in NYC which gives you the opportunity to continue with your education but find somewhere else to live. Can you look into rehab in NY so you're not changing everything all at once? Or maybe move somewhere else, closer to NY but further enough away for a change and some distance. Moving totally across the country with no job and no car and no idea what awaits you does seem pretty extreme.
As Icoi says maybe try a different crowd, go to different AA meetings, go to several every day if you need to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
I'm not going somewhere in which I don't know what to expect..I'm going to an intensive rehab that helps members of the program get jobs and meet others and helps create a community...aa meetings are held at the program daily.
Hi MisterM,
sorry to hear of your difficult living situation at home ad I think you've received some good advice.
I may be reading incorrectly here but it seems as though you want people on these SR to tell you that moving to LA is the right thing and best thing for you to do. no one can tell you that. We can share experiences, as I did earlier on, but no one can make the decision for you. you say everyone in your life is against the move. you do seem to be acting on what others say and tell you to do quite a lot. do what is right for you.
Are there other options? eg stay in NYC which gives you the opportunity to continue with your education but find somewhere else to live. Can you look into rehab in NY so you're not changing everything all at once? Or maybe move somewhere else, closer to NY but further enough away for a change and some distance. Moving totally across the country with no job and no car and no idea what awaits you does seem pretty extreme.
As Icoi says maybe try a different crowd, go to different AA meetings, go to several every day if you need to.
sorry to hear of your difficult living situation at home ad I think you've received some good advice.
I may be reading incorrectly here but it seems as though you want people on these SR to tell you that moving to LA is the right thing and best thing for you to do. no one can tell you that. We can share experiences, as I did earlier on, but no one can make the decision for you. you say everyone in your life is against the move. you do seem to be acting on what others say and tell you to do quite a lot. do what is right for you.
Are there other options? eg stay in NYC which gives you the opportunity to continue with your education but find somewhere else to live. Can you look into rehab in NY so you're not changing everything all at once? Or maybe move somewhere else, closer to NY but further enough away for a change and some distance. Moving totally across the country with no job and no car and no idea what awaits you does seem pretty extreme.
As Icoi says maybe try a different crowd, go to different AA meetings, go to several every day if you need to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
I know there will be lonely days...days that I will get lost..days where I will just want to come back to NY..BUT nothing can keep me here a city where I have an abusive stalker older sibling ...it's time to make moves sitting here and trying to make NY work for the 1000th time is just not going to cut it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
& yes should have mentioned DV before but its a major reason for why I'm looking for places out side of my hometown
Also, right now I'm not married, I don't have kids ..when else can I even make a move like this without it affecting someone else?
Also, right now I'm not married, I don't have kids ..when else can I even make a move like this without it affecting someone else?
Last edited by MisterM; 01-22-2018 at 01:15 PM. Reason: More detail
If you are sure this is the right move for you then go for it. you don't need to persuade or convince anyone either on here or in your real life that you're doing the right thing. As long as you are happy with it then you don't need anyone's permission.
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
Thnx!! Things are always more exciting and easy going when you have support though haha I am nervous but hope in the midst of a lot of darkness is what's keeping me going
If you are sure this is the right move for you then go for it. you don't need to persuade or convince anyone either on here or in your real life that you're doing the right thing. As long as you are happy with it then you don't need anyone's permission.
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do
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