Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 26
Day 8
Good morning SR group...checking in today, I didn't check in all weekend, didn't feel like it really.. So starting day 8 .. Ugh it's monday... finished my first weekend sober.. It def was hard being home I did manage to attend my first AA meeting I wasn't a fan of it but I've heard it takes a bit to find a group of one you like. So I'll look into different locations. How was everyone else's weekend? Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
PalmerSage: Sorry to hear you had a bad night of tossing and turning - I was like that all last week and was completely drained of energy as a result. It's starting to get better, so hopefully your experience will pass too. Great to haer about your book - I am such a book worm, there's nothing like a page turner for some escapism and mental rest.
Kgirl: I'm so glad the journalling and analysis helped - it definitely does take time, and it won't work every time, but in my experience it definitely gets easier and more effective the more you practise, and it starts to become less like active effort and more like an automatic response over time!
Welcome Ubntubnt: I'm glad you're here. I too arrived back at 'square one' 8 days ago, and I can definitely relate to your feelings of this being the final time - I'm done with alcohol FOR GOOD. There was a great post on here a few days ago (sorry, can't remember who posted, but please jump in and take the credit!) stating that your mindset for sobriety can't be like that of a fad diet - short term, ephemeral goals - it has to be a lifestyle change, and that means changing slowly the way you function and relate in the world, in this new sober life. I thought that was such a wonderful and accurate metaphor!
Hope everyone is having a strong day.
Kgirl: I'm so glad the journalling and analysis helped - it definitely does take time, and it won't work every time, but in my experience it definitely gets easier and more effective the more you practise, and it starts to become less like active effort and more like an automatic response over time!
Welcome Ubntubnt: I'm glad you're here. I too arrived back at 'square one' 8 days ago, and I can definitely relate to your feelings of this being the final time - I'm done with alcohol FOR GOOD. There was a great post on here a few days ago (sorry, can't remember who posted, but please jump in and take the credit!) stating that your mindset for sobriety can't be like that of a fad diet - short term, ephemeral goals - it has to be a lifestyle change, and that means changing slowly the way you function and relate in the world, in this new sober life. I thought that was such a wonderful and accurate metaphor!
Hope everyone is having a strong day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by kgirl41 
Welcome Ub, happy to have you here!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 48
Every time I think it's starting to get easy, it gets hard again. It's day 23 now and last night I was trying to convince myself to drink. I felt like I was depriving myself by not drinking and kept trying to justify why I could if I wanted to. Then I started to think how I would feel in the morning if I did drink and started to talk myself out of it. I then had this overwhelming craving for sugar. I never eat that crap and don't keep it in the house. I jumped in the car and drove to the nearest Tim Hortons, got a large coffee and a couple donuts and came back home. I felt like crap afterwards and my brain was flying until around 2am when I was finally able to sleep. I got up at 5am, tired as hell, but glad I didn't drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Originally Posted by kgirl41
Good morning sober family! Checking in here 11/11 of 90/90!
Learning to be sober is so much more than not drinking. That's the simple part. Just don't take that first drink. But all the feelings, triggers, and encounters that you have and how you respond to them....that's the hard part!! You have to change how you think. It can be eye-opening to realize how accountable you are to your drinking problem. Yes, we are powerless to alcohol, but that's only after the first drink. We are in total control of everything leading up to taking that first drink.....and it's this part that is hard. If you are not working at these things...your thinking, your response to outer stimuli, and your just white knuckling it through, you may find yourself in a relapse soon. I only know because I have been there so many times. I want sobriety so much that I have come to realize I really need to work on me. Work on those parts that make me accountable to my part in my drinking problem.
Take care all, hope everyone has a wonderful, sober day!
Learning to be sober is so much more than not drinking. That's the simple part. Just don't take that first drink. But all the feelings, triggers, and encounters that you have and how you respond to them....that's the hard part!! You have to change how you think. It can be eye-opening to realize how accountable you are to your drinking problem. Yes, we are powerless to alcohol, but that's only after the first drink. We are in total control of everything leading up to taking that first drink.....and it's this part that is hard. If you are not working at these things...your thinking, your response to outer stimuli, and your just white knuckling it through, you may find yourself in a relapse soon. I only know because I have been there so many times. I want sobriety so much that I have come to realize I really need to work on me. Work on those parts that make me accountable to my part in my drinking problem.
Take care all, hope everyone has a wonderful, sober day!
Welcome, ubnt! I think I remember you from a past SR life. Really happy you're here, and I'm with you...just DONE this time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
hi everyone, Day 7 here for me. I am in New Zealand so it’s Tuesday here, my weeeknd starts and finishes before many of you :]
I am finding it so helpful to visit SR as part of my morning routine and then when I come home from work. So far my AV has been quite quiet, but I know it is just biding its time. I’ve also been telling co workers that I cannot drink due to new medication, I have shared the real reason with some close friends. My pattern has always been to drink in moderation around people and then reward myself by hitting it hard when I am home alone. Part of breaking that cycle for me is to not have that ‘one’ social drink. It’s such early days, but ome day at a time is making more and more sense.
I am finding it so helpful to visit SR as part of my morning routine and then when I come home from work. So far my AV has been quite quiet, but I know it is just biding its time. I’ve also been telling co workers that I cannot drink due to new medication, I have shared the real reason with some close friends. My pattern has always been to drink in moderation around people and then reward myself by hitting it hard when I am home alone. Part of breaking that cycle for me is to not have that ‘one’ social drink. It’s such early days, but ome day at a time is making more and more sense.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome Komplex & Ub 
Congrats to everyone for getting through the weekend.
Day 16 for me and finally felt like I had some energy today. Had a good day at work and feeling pretty positive.
t1psy-great stuff on getting through, that must have been difficult.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Congrats to everyone for getting through the weekend.
Day 16 for me and finally felt like I had some energy today. Had a good day at work and feeling pretty positive.
t1psy-great stuff on getting through, that must have been difficult.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by NewChapterJan18
Welcome Ubntubnt: I'm glad you're here. I too arrived back at 'square one' 8 days ago, and I can definitely relate to your feelings of this being the final time - I'm done with alcohol FOR GOOD. There was a great post on here a few days ago (sorry, can't remember who posted, but please jump in and take the credit!) stating that your mindset for sobriety can't be like that of a fad diet - short term, ephemeral goals - it has to be a lifestyle change, and that means changing slowly the way you function and relate in the world, in this new sober life. I thought that was such a wonderful and accurate metaphor!
I agree with this. This is my third serious effort to quit. The first two times I lasted approx 90 days and found SR to be a great support. In retrospect, I think I relapsed out of complacency. I felt I had beaten it and I forgot the horrors of the bad days. Its amazing how quickly you can romanticise drinking. I looked at quitting as a challenge and got a high out of being sober and feeling good.
This time it feels different. The drink beat me to the ground. I have a knot in my stomach and felt for the first time that I would lose my family if I didn't stop. No, thats not accurate, I felt it before but didn't really accept it. This time I knew I would. Its been quite the wake up call. I don't feel relieved or excited about quitting. I just feel disgusted with myself and want this nightmare to finish.
I have a pretty big job managing hundreds of people that by some miracle I have been able to keep. Today, I need to pick myself up and put on a different face and go in and try to look like something resembling a leader. C'est la vie. I am never going through this hell again.
When I passed out on the bed over the weekend lying in a glass of spilled red wine in the early afternoon my wife took some photos and sent them to be yesterday. To say I was horrified would be the understatement of the century. I looked pathetic. No more. I am keeping these photos with me and the next time the beast comes calling I will look at them.
I know there is a huge amount of work I need to do on my recovery but I can't face it now. I need another couple days to feel a little better and then the real work begins. I am such an idiot. I have a 30 year drinking career that is killing me and I still thought that I could handle it or keep it moderately under control. Stupid.
Welsh member.
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Ireland
Posts: 328
Hello Class.
I found this article on a website called "the fix" it resonates very closely with my newfound mindfulness the AVRT that I so strongly dependent on.
I've edited it to fit my methods, but the lesson is, essentially, the same.
It is rather long, but I think it's a definite contender for "printing it out and posting on the fridge" award for the week.
"Copyright ©2011, Clean & Sober Media, LLC. All rights reserved"
Mindfulness and the F-its
Recovery is more than just letting go of unwanted behaviors; you are developing inner character.
F-it. F-life. I don't want to. I can't. I don't care. (AV)
These (AV) thoughts, and more, run through your mind. And repeat. And repeat. And you contemplate giving up.
When there's so much resistance to doing the next right thing; so much resistance to doing what is good for you; the (AV) thoughts turn to quitting instead of moving forward. And once the F-its dominate, you could be done for, so what can we do to stop them?
We don't. We don't stop them.
We allow them. We give them space.
In graduate school, I didn't learn a technique for the F-its, nor did I ever take a continuing education class on it. No classes were offered. Nothing was offered, not even in my addiction training, and it wasn't really talked about. All I know is that my clients get it. They get a case of the F-its, and sometimes it can cause them to spiral out of control. I've had clients tell me that it was the F-its that drove them to relapse, and for some, back to jail.
Specializing in mindfulness, I teach my clients to be with them- to be with the F-its. There could be many reasons why they have found you, and we work to pause, listen, and attempt to explore their arrival.
You may be headed in the wrong direction. What you planned a few weeks or months ago may not be the best option for you right now, and the F-its are trying to tell you to change direction. Ask yourself if any people, places, or things in your life need to change.
You may have some fear or hopelessness. The F-its may be a voice reminding you that you haven't been successful in the past. In this case, listen, and allow the AV to speak. If it's true (that you haven't been successful), honor that, but ask yourself: what is different now? What motivations are different?
Our mind likes to remind us of past failures, but much like an old friend, we can remind ourselves that things are different now, and that we are going to try again. And the truth is, you know more now than you did before.
Ask yourself what life will look like if you don't keep going in the same direction. Sometimes the truth of this question can bring us to the reality that staying where we are is not an option anymore, and that the risk of changing course is worth it. Part of overcoming addiction is learning to take the risk for success.
1. Observe. Take some time to observe the strength of your resistance. Resistance is usually strongest in the beginning of change, and right when you are about to make a breakthrough. The F-its usually come when you've had some substantial time of progress and the progress starts to get difficult.
Recovery (life) starts to get challenging; it gets hard. This is the time when Life comes to ask you if you want to keep going or not. It's not a harsh or mean response from Life - it's a question that is designed to build inner strength.
Recovery is more than just letting go of unwanted behaviors; you are developing inner character.
2. Learn to be with discomfort. For most people, the F-its tend to be more of a mental discomfort. A nagging AV that won't shut up.
One example I offer to clients is to pretend that this AV is a nagging friend who is following you all day and yelling in your ear telling you to "F-it!"- but the good news is that you can keep doing what you need to do. Even in the midst of the nagging, you don't have to give into the AV. It will quiet down. It will stop nagging you if don't feed it. You can listen, but you don't have to agree.
I personally experimented with this idea of a nagging friend. I was shocked at how loud (she) was. She came to work with me. She went everywhere with me. I was shocked at how much she had to say, and that she didn't get tired of the nagging. I even asked her a few times, "Aren't you getting tired of this?" and the answer was no.
I went about my normal day; even went to the gym with my nagging friend on my right shoulder yelling in my ear. She followed me into the shower that evening..."Really?" I asked, "In the shower?"
Some of us have a strong, loud, inner critic, but remember, you don't have to believe or act on everything you think.
3. Increase Awareness. List all the ways you are being supported in your recovery. We can quickly forget this when the F-its take over.
List all the people, places, and things that are currently on your side. Include things such as time and health. For example, if you don't have employment, see it as an opportunity to focus more on your recovery. And list all the ways that Life is supporting you- the fact that you don't have money could be a gift from Life so you can't buy drugs or alcohol. Spend some quality time with this list.
4. Cultivate Presence. It's important to cultivate the presence of Hope and Trust. To cultivate a relationship with these two, like new friends who want to walk with you. Instead of walking with Fear and F-it, and we can learn to walk with Hope and Trust.
List a few things you hope for if you keep going. What do you hope will be different? If Trust could speak to you, what would it say?
Cultivating a relationship with Hope and Trust is not much different than cultivating an actual friendship: you have to spend time with them.
5. Practice Being Intentional. Practice setting an intention for the day to help stay focused on what's most important. When we don't prioritize, other people, places, and things can grab our attention and get us off track - which in return can cause the F-its to get loud again.
What one single task will make the biggest impact on your recovery if done every day? Do that. Make it a priority.
Part of recovery is learning to say no to the things that take you off track, and yes to the things that will lead you to your goals.
Lastly, observe your progress every day. Notice what is working and what is not working. Make changes as needed.
You got this.
I found this article on a website called "the fix" it resonates very closely with my newfound mindfulness the AVRT that I so strongly dependent on.
I've edited it to fit my methods, but the lesson is, essentially, the same.
It is rather long, but I think it's a definite contender for "printing it out and posting on the fridge" award for the week.
"Copyright ©2011, Clean & Sober Media, LLC. All rights reserved"
Mindfulness and the F-its
Recovery is more than just letting go of unwanted behaviors; you are developing inner character.
F-it. F-life. I don't want to. I can't. I don't care. (AV)
These (AV) thoughts, and more, run through your mind. And repeat. And repeat. And you contemplate giving up.
When there's so much resistance to doing the next right thing; so much resistance to doing what is good for you; the (AV) thoughts turn to quitting instead of moving forward. And once the F-its dominate, you could be done for, so what can we do to stop them?
We don't. We don't stop them.
We allow them. We give them space.
In graduate school, I didn't learn a technique for the F-its, nor did I ever take a continuing education class on it. No classes were offered. Nothing was offered, not even in my addiction training, and it wasn't really talked about. All I know is that my clients get it. They get a case of the F-its, and sometimes it can cause them to spiral out of control. I've had clients tell me that it was the F-its that drove them to relapse, and for some, back to jail.
Specializing in mindfulness, I teach my clients to be with them- to be with the F-its. There could be many reasons why they have found you, and we work to pause, listen, and attempt to explore their arrival.
You may be headed in the wrong direction. What you planned a few weeks or months ago may not be the best option for you right now, and the F-its are trying to tell you to change direction. Ask yourself if any people, places, or things in your life need to change.
You may have some fear or hopelessness. The F-its may be a voice reminding you that you haven't been successful in the past. In this case, listen, and allow the AV to speak. If it's true (that you haven't been successful), honor that, but ask yourself: what is different now? What motivations are different?
Our mind likes to remind us of past failures, but much like an old friend, we can remind ourselves that things are different now, and that we are going to try again. And the truth is, you know more now than you did before.
Ask yourself what life will look like if you don't keep going in the same direction. Sometimes the truth of this question can bring us to the reality that staying where we are is not an option anymore, and that the risk of changing course is worth it. Part of overcoming addiction is learning to take the risk for success.
1. Observe. Take some time to observe the strength of your resistance. Resistance is usually strongest in the beginning of change, and right when you are about to make a breakthrough. The F-its usually come when you've had some substantial time of progress and the progress starts to get difficult.
Recovery (life) starts to get challenging; it gets hard. This is the time when Life comes to ask you if you want to keep going or not. It's not a harsh or mean response from Life - it's a question that is designed to build inner strength.
Recovery is more than just letting go of unwanted behaviors; you are developing inner character.
2. Learn to be with discomfort. For most people, the F-its tend to be more of a mental discomfort. A nagging AV that won't shut up.
One example I offer to clients is to pretend that this AV is a nagging friend who is following you all day and yelling in your ear telling you to "F-it!"- but the good news is that you can keep doing what you need to do. Even in the midst of the nagging, you don't have to give into the AV. It will quiet down. It will stop nagging you if don't feed it. You can listen, but you don't have to agree.
I personally experimented with this idea of a nagging friend. I was shocked at how loud (she) was. She came to work with me. She went everywhere with me. I was shocked at how much she had to say, and that she didn't get tired of the nagging. I even asked her a few times, "Aren't you getting tired of this?" and the answer was no.
I went about my normal day; even went to the gym with my nagging friend on my right shoulder yelling in my ear. She followed me into the shower that evening..."Really?" I asked, "In the shower?"
Some of us have a strong, loud, inner critic, but remember, you don't have to believe or act on everything you think.
3. Increase Awareness. List all the ways you are being supported in your recovery. We can quickly forget this when the F-its take over.
List all the people, places, and things that are currently on your side. Include things such as time and health. For example, if you don't have employment, see it as an opportunity to focus more on your recovery. And list all the ways that Life is supporting you- the fact that you don't have money could be a gift from Life so you can't buy drugs or alcohol. Spend some quality time with this list.
4. Cultivate Presence. It's important to cultivate the presence of Hope and Trust. To cultivate a relationship with these two, like new friends who want to walk with you. Instead of walking with Fear and F-it, and we can learn to walk with Hope and Trust.
List a few things you hope for if you keep going. What do you hope will be different? If Trust could speak to you, what would it say?
Cultivating a relationship with Hope and Trust is not much different than cultivating an actual friendship: you have to spend time with them.
5. Practice Being Intentional. Practice setting an intention for the day to help stay focused on what's most important. When we don't prioritize, other people, places, and things can grab our attention and get us off track - which in return can cause the F-its to get loud again.
What one single task will make the biggest impact on your recovery if done every day? Do that. Make it a priority.
Part of recovery is learning to say no to the things that take you off track, and yes to the things that will lead you to your goals.
Lastly, observe your progress every day. Notice what is working and what is not working. Make changes as needed.
You got this.
Last edited by Dee74; 01-22-2018 at 01:35 PM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by scottynz
My pattern has always been to drink in moderation around people and then reward myself by hitting it hard when I am home alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 192
Grateful to all for making it a sober weekend. I had a good one, no cravings, long introspective walks...it's beautiful here along the river. Lot's of cleaning and organizing, cooking (love to cook). Wish I could get back into reading, used to every night in bed. Love Ann Rice, Ann Rule, Stephen King, any True Crime and any thing like "An Incomplete Education", University texts on Anatomy and Physiology, the Kennedy's, Vikings...quite varied, eh? I just CANNOT journal. I have tried, it is catharctic but I it makes me cry. I CANNOT allow myself to cry.
Why??????
Lovehoops glad you're back I missed you
Welcome Komplex I posed you on Newcomers previously
Welcome to Ubnt, Numblady this is a great place
Welcome back Horatio we need your experience
kgirl41, thx for posting so much
T1psy - another good idea to try, thx
Well I'm off for my Espom soak. Have Dr. appt. Wed. about this imsomnia!!!!
Making a meatloaf later. I think my buddy I was talking about previously is homeless now. All the signs are there. My ex wants to get sober too. I'm leery. He called out of the blue on the 18th I think to say he was pawning his cell for booze $$. Hadn't heard from him since my last binge began. hmmmm
K, Night all. Stay well. I need you so much.
Why??????
Lovehoops glad you're back I missed you
Welcome Komplex I posed you on Newcomers previously
Welcome to Ubnt, Numblady this is a great place
Welcome back Horatio we need your experience
kgirl41, thx for posting so much
T1psy - another good idea to try, thx
Well I'm off for my Espom soak. Have Dr. appt. Wed. about this imsomnia!!!!
Making a meatloaf later. I think my buddy I was talking about previously is homeless now. All the signs are there. My ex wants to get sober too. I'm leery. He called out of the blue on the 18th I think to say he was pawning his cell for booze $$. Hadn't heard from him since my last binge began. hmmmm
K, Night all. Stay well. I need you so much.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 26
End of the day
Even though I had a negative nancy/ Debbie downer attitude this morning I had a really good day. I think my mentality is still on drinking Jessica rather than sober Jessica, I went to check my bank account this morning like I do every Monday, I found myself thinking time to face reality and check the damage done. When I saw my account I was like whoa how do I have so much money. Surely I must of forgotten to pay some bills. Nope everything is paid. It hit me I haven't bought alcohol all week or weekend.. 🤣
So omw home I stopped at my usual gas station bought a Perrier flavored water. The cashier he knows me goes hey sweetheart, what still off the booze I said yup I'm just living the sober life, he was like boo you're no fun I said whatever I'm more fun now.
So omw home I stopped at my usual gas station bought a Perrier flavored water. The cashier he knows me goes hey sweetheart, what still off the booze I said yup I'm just living the sober life, he was like boo you're no fun I said whatever I'm more fun now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Iowa
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by Jesykah03
Good morning SR group...checking in today, I didn't check in all weekend, didn't feel like it really.. So starting day 8 .. Ugh it's monday... finished my first weekend sober.. It def was hard being home I did manage to attend my first AA meeting I wasn't a fan of it but I've heard it takes a bit to find a group of one you like. So I'll look into different locations. How was everyone else's weekend? Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Iowa
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by Fitzgerald
Sorry - quoted the wrong response here. Was something KGirl said about journalling being a benefit. Welcome, though, Ub and apologies for being a computer klutz.
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