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Old 01-13-2018, 06:14 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Good morning

Yes. I can definitely relate to clinging on to those moments of clarity. I think isolation and loneliness has a lot to do with it. My downfall started at the end of last summer when my closest friend moved away. The loneliness is what gets me. I really do hope that we can do this! We have to or else our lives and hard work will have of little meaning if we let the substances win. I am on day 2 today. I am beginning to contemplate an inpatient program but I have seen countless others get and stay sober without a rehab program so I am torn. The first few days are always tough. So maybe with everyone's help here I can figure out a plan of action!


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I wish i could tell you where it was unavailable! I mean my own access was limited because I lost contact with the person who introduced me toCM and wound up in a different crowd, mostly hard drinkers and pill poppers. It is a devastating drug - just you please hang in there with me - I know the grip will loosen! I know it is a huge part of the gay/bi community- that is also true in my area (vibrant gay community). It is heartbreaking- so many beautiful young people who have finally come out and are ready to enjoy their freedom and CM just snatches that and everything else of value. I was an absolute slave to narcotic painkillers for 15 years. Alcohol has also - ugh, it is horrifying when I have these moments of clarity (though I cling to them for dear life as well). The shame that I internalized set me up for addiction, and then my addiction has compounded my shame so terribly. I have always tended to isolate and withdraw, and then I use so I donít have to admit that Iím lonely. God what a mess. We can do this!
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:16 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Thank you for the prayers Verdantia. I finally got some decent sleep but still a lot of shame and guilt. Trying to figure out a plan of action because I am officially at my bottom.



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Sending prayers, Mister M. I am glad you are back. SR has been a great help to me. Wishing you the best on your sober journey.
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:35 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Hi 👋. Iím so happy you made it back! Consider the prayer done too.
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:52 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I really did not think I would make it back on here. Thanks for the continued support Stronger2017!


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Hi 👋. Iím so happy you made it back! Consider the prayer done too.
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Old 01-13-2018, 03:45 PM   #25 (permalink)
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How is everyone doing? Day 2 winding down here.
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Old 01-13-2018, 03:51 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee, I always glance at the recovery action plan links but this time I will make sure to read it thoroughly as I have been clearly missing something.

Re: the course. I guess it really is up to me but it is a tough decision. I have put off the course one too many times. I mean have some sort of structure and goal is important so taking a course would give me that. I guess I will have to make a pro con list and see how the first few days sober-wise goes.
Honesty I think the recovery action plan pdfs are for doing more than they are reading MisterM.

Take the suggestions and build what will be a useful plan for you.

I think a pros and cons list for the class is a good start

D
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
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There are some great suggestions. Especially the one about filling up your fridge with snacks to counter craving in the first month!

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Honesty I think the recovery action plan pdfs are for doing more than they are reading MisterM.

Take the suggestions and build what will be a useful plan for you.

I think a pros and cons list for the class is a good start

D
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Old 01-13-2018, 10:04 PM   #28 (permalink)
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MisterM if inpatient is a doable option for you, why not go for it?? I think that would be a wonderful foundation and give you a chance to focus entirely on your recovery until you are on more solid ground. I wish I could but I have two kids, practically no insurance and couldn’t afford it in a million years.
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Old 01-18-2018, 08:40 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Yes I think inpatient is my best option even if I have already done it in the past
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