Waking up hungover ☹
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Waking up hungover ☹
Hi... I'm a 62 year old female Boilermaker. Been drinking hard since 1972. Beer. Always liked my beer. I'm a binger. The past few years have been blackout bad.
An average evening is a minimum of 8 beer with little to no recall after 5 beer. So I figure I need to save myself before I drink myself to death.
Sober 12 days and every morning as I'm waking it is with that wretched sense of dread. Terrible guilt. Wondering what I did last nite. Wondering where I am when I open my eyes. I'm also having horrendous nightmares.
I don't take any kind of meds.. nothing.
How long does this last? Has anyone else gone thru this? My depression is terrible but please don't suggest antidepressants... I'm totally against drugs for any reason ( that's a laugh right 🤔😒
I'm eating healthy and staying hydrated. Just... the mornings are really REALLY awful.
Thanks for listening.
An average evening is a minimum of 8 beer with little to no recall after 5 beer. So I figure I need to save myself before I drink myself to death.
Sober 12 days and every morning as I'm waking it is with that wretched sense of dread. Terrible guilt. Wondering what I did last nite. Wondering where I am when I open my eyes. I'm also having horrendous nightmares.
I don't take any kind of meds.. nothing.
How long does this last? Has anyone else gone thru this? My depression is terrible but please don't suggest antidepressants... I'm totally against drugs for any reason ( that's a laugh right 🤔😒
I'm eating healthy and staying hydrated. Just... the mornings are really REALLY awful.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
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Welcome Boilermaker, glad you found us! You will hear this a lot, but it is true, your days will get better. You are already on the right path, staying hydrated, do you take a multi- vitamin? Your body is going through a lot getting adjusted to "reality". do you have a routine in the morning? exercise, meditate anything like that?
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Boilermaker that was the absolure worst part for me for a while. That absolute crippling anxiety first thing on a morning. Curled up in a ball in bed not wanting to face the day. *shudder*
It does go away. How long you ask? For me about 3-4 weeks I think. Of course we are all a bit different and it's always good to see a doctor if it is worrying you.
Please keep going. When I say it goes away I mean it. Yes I'm not exactly a morning person but that crippling fear has gone.
It's worth the fight I promise you......
It does go away. How long you ask? For me about 3-4 weeks I think. Of course we are all a bit different and it's always good to see a doctor if it is worrying you.
Please keep going. When I say it goes away I mean it. Yes I'm not exactly a morning person but that crippling fear has gone.
It's worth the fight I promise you......
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Welcome, Boilermaker! It's great to have you join us. I felt so much better when I found SR & could talk about what I was going through.
I felt the same as you for a couple of months - but it's different for everyone. Gradually, the dread turned to joy and hope. You're doing great - 12 days is wonderful.
I felt the same as you for a couple of months - but it's different for everyone. Gradually, the dread turned to joy and hope. You're doing great - 12 days is wonderful.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
BM,
I am sorry that you are going through this, it sounds awful.
We all had our own version of hell when we stopped the rollercoaster.
I cannot say how long it will last, but I can promise that it will get better if you hang on. And that if you start again, it will just be worse the next time (fact). And there will be a next time.
And know that you can do this!
I am sorry that you are going through this, it sounds awful.
We all had our own version of hell when we stopped the rollercoaster.
I cannot say how long it will last, but I can promise that it will get better if you hang on. And that if you start again, it will just be worse the next time (fact). And there will be a next time.
And know that you can do this!
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Not sure why you're totally against drugs when you've been drinking heavily for so long. Alcohol is definitely a psychoactive drug. Detox is a time when supervised controlled drug administration can be very helpful. Antidepressants can be a lifesaver after full withdrawal, and they also help with the anxiety, as does gabapentin. Neither are addictive.
It definitely is possible to gut it out, many here have.
Impossible to say how long it will last, it depends on the person, everyone is different. And the longer you go, the better it will get.
It definitely is possible to gut it out, many here have.
Impossible to say how long it will last, it depends on the person, everyone is different. And the longer you go, the better it will get.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Originally Posted by badgerden 
Welcome Boilermaker, glad you found us! You will hear this a lot, but it is true, your days will get better. You are already on the right path, staying hydrated, do you take a multi- vitamin? Your body is going through a lot getting adjusted to "reality". do you have a routine in the morning? exercise, meditate anything like that?
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I guess I never really understood how much time I spent either sleeping one off or stumbling about in a daze. My day seems over stuffed with hours of... free time.
Vitamins are probably a good idea, thanks.
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Boilermaker that was the absolure worst part for me for a while. That absolute crippling anxiety first thing on a morning. Curled up in a ball in bed not wanting to face the day. *shudder*
It does go away. How long you ask? For me about 3-4 weeks I think. Of course we are all a bit different and it's always good to see a doctor if it is worrying you.
Please keep going. When I say it goes away I mean it. Yes I'm not exactly a morning person but that crippling fear has gone.
It's worth the fight I promise you......
It does go away. How long you ask? For me about 3-4 weeks I think. Of course we are all a bit different and it's always good to see a doctor if it is worrying you.
Please keep going. When I say it goes away I mean it. Yes I'm not exactly a morning person but that crippling fear has gone.
It's worth the fight I promise you......
So real I think I should pick up the phone to find out where I was and who I need to apologise to. Sad fact of life.
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I think I can survive this if I know this will end.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Originally Posted by Dee74
welcome aboard Bolermaker 
I hope you'll start to feel better soon.
What kinds of things do you do to combat your depression?
D
I hope you'll start to feel better soon.
What kinds of things do you do to combat your depression?
D
I'm trying to get back into cooking.. was once very good.
In short I'm just trying to stay busy.
All my friends are Boilermakers. They are all drunks too. They know what I'm doing and they know why. But really... I can't really talk to them about this. They aren't ready to deal with their own issues and certainly don't need to hear mine.
I'm glad you asked me Dee74... it made me think about it.
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Originally Posted by Anarock
I’m 3 weeks sober and still have depression but no anxiety that’s alcohol related.
Different for everyone of course.
I hope you start to feel better soon.
Different for everyone of course.
I hope you start to feel better soon.
More than a few family members have been under a Drs care for depression and anxiety. But I'm pretty certain this is just my reaction to stopping my choice of painkiller.
I WILL get over this hump.. as will you. You've got me by a week.. awesome.
Worse than the anxiety and depression are the godawful mornings. But I've been assured they will pass.. I'll make it.
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan
Not sure why you're totally against drugs when you've been drinking heavily for so long. Alcohol is definitely a psychoactive drug. Detox is a time when supervised controlled drug administration can be very helpful. Antidepressants can be a lifesaver after full withdrawal, and they also help with the anxiety, as does gabapentin. Neither are addictive.
It definitely is possible to gut it out, many here have.
Impossible to say how long it will last, it depends on the person, everyone is different. And the longer you go, the better it will get.
It definitely is possible to gut it out, many here have.
Impossible to say how long it will last, it depends on the person, everyone is different. And the longer you go, the better it will get.
In hindsight I can see that I was really REALLY wrong.
I've always seen my depression as something that's around for a bit but always went away. Maybe the booze chased it off.. maybe the booze created it.
I don't see it as insurmountable. I've had some really horrifying experiences in my past.. sometimes depression is a natural reaction to that kind of stuff. I got over those experiences. I will get over this too.
Thanks for your comment Mindful Man. I need to give some thought to how I manage my days.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi boiler, welcome.
Hang in there. Your OP indicates you've been drinking hard for pushing 40 years. I'm guessing it's going to take some time. 12 days is great but you're just getting started. And it's hard to understand where alcoholism ends and true mental illness begins. I would think 3-6 months sober and you should get an idea of what is really going on. Then there's PAWS....not a forgone conclusion but it does hit many people. So time, patience, acceptance and most of all support. you don't have to go it alone.
Hang in there. Your OP indicates you've been drinking hard for pushing 40 years. I'm guessing it's going to take some time. 12 days is great but you're just getting started. And it's hard to understand where alcoholism ends and true mental illness begins. I would think 3-6 months sober and you should get an idea of what is really going on. Then there's PAWS....not a forgone conclusion but it does hit many people. So time, patience, acceptance and most of all support. you don't have to go it alone.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You are showing a huge amount of courage Boilermaker, and brutal self-honesty. Please give yourself a lot of credit.
Depression and anxiety are closely related. Depression is guilt and shame about the past, and anxiety is guilt and shame about the future. Or something like that...I can never quite remember that quote. But you get the idea.
I found that my anxiety was closely related to withdrawals. I was on this see-saw of horrific anxiety in the morning, particularly on work days. I'd gut through work and get exhausted with the effort, then come home and drink to "relax." Then anxious in the morning because hangovers/withdrawals. On weekends the relaxing would turn to passing out on Saturday, then trying to stop Sunday and having a horrible Sunday night in anticipation of the same rat race starting again.
Cutting alcohol out kills that cycle.
Keep showing that courage, you're still deep in withdrawal after 12 days, and your anxiety symptoms are almost certainly tied to that. As you settle into sobriety, the anxiety becomes manageable and then fades.
Depression and anxiety are closely related. Depression is guilt and shame about the past, and anxiety is guilt and shame about the future. Or something like that...I can never quite remember that quote. But you get the idea.
I found that my anxiety was closely related to withdrawals. I was on this see-saw of horrific anxiety in the morning, particularly on work days. I'd gut through work and get exhausted with the effort, then come home and drink to "relax." Then anxious in the morning because hangovers/withdrawals. On weekends the relaxing would turn to passing out on Saturday, then trying to stop Sunday and having a horrible Sunday night in anticipation of the same rat race starting again.
Cutting alcohol out kills that cycle.
Keep showing that courage, you're still deep in withdrawal after 12 days, and your anxiety symptoms are almost certainly tied to that. As you settle into sobriety, the anxiety becomes manageable and then fades.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Hi boiler, welcome.
Hang in there. Your OP indicates you've been drinking hard for pushing 40 years. I'm guessing it's going to take some time. 12 days is great but you're just getting started. And it's hard to understand where alcoholism ends and true mental illness begins. I would think 3-6 months sober and you should get an idea of what is really going on. Then there's PAWS....not a forgone conclusion but it does hit many people. So time, patience, acceptance and most of all support. you don't have to go it alone.
Hang in there. Your OP indicates you've been drinking hard for pushing 40 years. I'm guessing it's going to take some time. 12 days is great but you're just getting started. And it's hard to understand where alcoholism ends and true mental illness begins. I would think 3-6 months sober and you should get an idea of what is really going on. Then there's PAWS....not a forgone conclusion but it does hit many people. So time, patience, acceptance and most of all support. you don't have to go it alone.
You're certainly right about the time this will take Frickaflip. I stumble through my days feeling disoriented.. as tho the clarity of sure-firing synapsis aren't exactly in time. And the panic of thinking I've missed something or forgotten something terribly important comes over me again and again.
I know time is a healer... I've never been a patient person.. guess it's time to learn.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Originally Posted by Boilermaker
Thank god! You've no idea what it means to hear that.. I honestly could weep. The anxiety during the day is bad enough.. and in the evening ☹ but these horrifying mornings. Waking and my first thought is God what did I do last night I can't remember.
So real I think I should pick up the phone to find out where I was and who I need to apologise to. Sad fact of life.
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I think I can survive this if I know this will end.
So real I think I should pick up the phone to find out where I was and who I need to apologise to. Sad fact of life.
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I think I can survive this if I know this will end.
Yes you may be left with the underlying depression to be addressed (I do) but please be reassured that the gnawing almost painful early morning anxiety is withdrawal in my opinion and experience.
PLEASE PUSH THROUGH IT AND KEEP GOING!!!!!
I look forward to seeing you around more often. Connection to other alcoholics here has changed my life and it can change your too xxx
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan
You are showing a huge amount of courage Boilermaker, and brutal self-honesty. Please give yourself a lot of credit.
Depression and anxiety are closely related. Depression is guilt and shame about the past, and anxiety is guilt and shame about the future. Or something like that...I can never quite remember that quote. But you get the idea.
I found that my anxiety was closely related to withdrawals. I was on this see-saw of horrific anxiety in the morning, particularly on work days. I'd gut through work and get exhausted with the effort, then come home and drink to "relax." Then anxious in the morning because hangovers/withdrawals. On weekends the relaxing would turn to passing out on Saturday, then trying to stop Sunday and having a horrible Sunday night in anticipation of the same rat race starting again.
Cutting alcohol out kills that cycle.
Keep showing that courage, you're still deep in withdrawal after 12 days, and your anxiety symptoms are almost certainly tied to that. As you settle into sobriety, the anxiety becomes manageable and then fades.
Depression and anxiety are closely related. Depression is guilt and shame about the past, and anxiety is guilt and shame about the future. Or something like that...I can never quite remember that quote. But you get the idea.
I found that my anxiety was closely related to withdrawals. I was on this see-saw of horrific anxiety in the morning, particularly on work days. I'd gut through work and get exhausted with the effort, then come home and drink to "relax." Then anxious in the morning because hangovers/withdrawals. On weekends the relaxing would turn to passing out on Saturday, then trying to stop Sunday and having a horrible Sunday night in anticipation of the same rat race starting again.
Cutting alcohol out kills that cycle.
Keep showing that courage, you're still deep in withdrawal after 12 days, and your anxiety symptoms are almost certainly tied to that. As you settle into sobriety, the anxiety becomes manageable and then fades.
I truly hope you're right about the anxiety/depression thing. If so it's something I can work on sober. Once my head clears from its short-circuited performance at this time.
My son's birthday.. he'll be 42 is next week. I burst into tears last night when I thought I'd missed calling him or sending a card because I momentarily thought it was already Febrary. Guilt is a terrible thing.
You sound as tho you've been living my life. As Construction Boilermakers our trade travels all over North America to jobs that are short term.. generally two weeks to several months. We drink together after work to the point of unconsciousness and repeat until the job is done and we go home or to the next job.
I woke up for the past 37 yrs not sure where I was.. both from drink and being unsure what town I was in.
I was forced into retirement on a disability.. bad fall in the 80s has caught up. Now my nightmares are of work. My waking nightmare that not only did I sleep in but ive no clue where I am and I don't know where my welding gear is 😢☹
Knowing this is only that.. a nightmare.. and it WILL pass does help. But it goes to show what a lifetime of habit can do to us all.
Thanks again for having the clarity of sobriety to show me there IS a path out of this insane place I'm in now.
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