Boilermaker

Thanks kgirl41. I force myself out of bed. My cat and two goldfish give me a reason to keep going. We all need a reason outside ourselves to keep making the effort.
My entire family lives in western Canada. I moved to Ontario in 1979 and put as much distance as possible and still find a job. My guilt and shame over my drinking was easier to hide from them.. altho at the time I'd never have admitted that's why I left my son and my husband. I was a drunk. I am a drunk.
Now however.. the miracle is they still want me to stay in contact. Much of my anxiety is my fear I'll disappoint them again.
Find something in your life that makes it worthwhile getting up.. even if its plants that need watering.
I've discovered staying in bed increases my anxiety because of my guilt for staying in bed. My good Catholic upbringing lol.

Forward12

Welcome to the site. 45 years of hard drinking is a long time, though great work on 12 days clean so far!
It's going to take some time for things to turn around after all that abuse, but it will get better every day. Getting a solid recovery plan in place like AA, a therapist, SMART, or other options will be very beneficial to keep you on the road to recovery and to turn your life around for the better.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR Boilermaker!! I love how reflective you are, I found reflection helpful as I worked on my recovery.

I am another one who has dealt with anxiety most of my life. I used if think drinking was a way to deal with my stress and anxiety, but truthfully it on,y made things worse.

I think making an appointment with your doctor would be a good idea. There are medications that can help with anxiety/depression, and there are also many strategies you can learn: mindfulness, breathing techniques, exercise...

Looking forward to seeing you on SR.