WhyNotNowMe

I'm 35 years old and had a binge drinking problem for the past 9 years. In the last 8 years, I move back into my parents place which I didn't like at all but at the time. It was the only place I could go to. Now after 8 years, I hate staying there. I'm never home until around 10pm just to sleep and go to work. On weekends, I general go out to avoid the place and my parents. If I don't get home before midnight, they call me 5 or 6 times and text me where I'm at.

Everytime I tell them I'm looking for a place, they tell me you are not responsible to live on your own. That really pisses me off and get me more nervous about moving. I was going to buy a condo which I save over $30K which I would use to get it but me getting nervous about it I decided to talk to a friend of mine that needs a roommate for her empty room she has. I pretty much have a grip on me not drinking and work full time for the pass 6 months (Been working over 6 years full time).

With me hating staying at my parents place, every time I talk to my parents, I get really upset because they way to put me down and treat me as a 6 year old child. If I didn't have to pay rent then I would have left a long time ago which was why I stayed there so long too. Does anyone has advice on my situation.

AAPJ

Tough to give advice with so little information. You have by your own admission had a binge drinking problem for the past nine years. Your parents may be wrong but I certainly understand their concern.

The most important thing you can do is work on your sobriety. Good luck!

SoberLeigh

Wishing you the very best, Why!

I think that you will find happiness in greater independence.

Stay close.

We care.

WhyNotNowMe

I'm pretty much angry all the time and have very little peace in mind. For me staying at my parents place is me not progressing as a human and moving forward with dealing with my none love life, my alcohol problem and life in general. I truly believe that me staying at my parents place is not helping with my alcohol problem its just making it worst with me avoiding it because I can just go home and recover without any real world issues minus health.

ScottFromWI

Not quite sure what you are asking WNNM to be honest. From what I can see, you are suggesting that you have the money to buy a condominium now or possibly move in to an apartment with a friend, Is that correct?

If that's the case, I don't see why it would be a bad idea if you don't like living with your parents - unless you are worried that you will have problems with your drinking?

Anna

It sounds like moving out and moving on is what you want to do. I imagine that your parents are worried about you, but I can see you finding that hard to take at age 35. If you feel you are responsible, then go for it!

Berrybean

What is the issue here?

Is it that you are hoping that at some point they'll approve of you moving out? If so, it might be that you need to accept that they are worried about you and will be so until you prove to them that you ARE responsible.

Best way of doing that? Go do it. No need for drama, or justification. You are 35 and completely in your right to give them notice that you're moving out.

Might also be worth bearing in mind that they've been there through all the binge drinking time and this is likely to have had an affect on them. The consequences of our drinking don't always disappear immediately. Often we need to earn people's trust back, and 6 months isn't so long. Give it time and keep acting responsibly and things are likely to change, maybe quickly, maybe slowly.

Good luck with the move.

BB

least

If you feel up to having your own place, go for it. You don't have to get your parents' blessings or permission.

Dee74

Hi whynotnowme

Parents can think the darnedest things.
There;'s not much you can do to change them, or anyone else for that matter.

Do whats best for you.
Move out and get your own life back.

FallingStars

Don't let your parents undermine you. If you feel confident and want to move, go for it. You'll never know until you try! Good luck with all.

Ileana

I am the parent with the (in my case 30 year old) addict moving in and out of my house. I don't want my grown child living with me. I don't want to check where she is (I don't do that to her responsible brother) but I also can't afford to keep paying off apartments that she rents, binges, gets fired, and then can't afford. Her father and I were very happy we had 1 entire year as empty nesters, without drama, without making dinner, without getting woken up at midnight to someone stumbling in our house, without having to clean up after anyone. We were enjoying ourselves again, enjoying our marriage, traveling. Then the binge drinking and drug use started. The DUI's, jail, bail, attorney's, rehabs, sober living, police, court, addict boyfriends, stolen items, stolen money, and now a baby. And who gets to pay for all this? US
I overheard her on the phone the other day. Her conversation sounded very much like your post "can't wait to get out of here", 'treat me like I am 10", "act like 9PM is the middle of the night", always checking up on me". Well, to this I say "then get out and don't come back expecting money to pay off what you can't, If you don't want me to treat you like you are 10 then don't act like you are 10.

My guess is your parents don't want you at their house any more than you want to be there but I will also guess that when you ran into trouble they were there for you. I told my daughter I am sick and tired of being taken advantage of and told her she had 30 days to leave. So....be careful what you wish for. Your parents (as we did) may call your bluff.

anxiousrock

Holy **** can I ever relate to this!
If I don’t answer my mums calls or texts she’ll call and text me constantly. One time 30 times within a few hours. I was at the mall and left my phone at home.
I freaked out because I can’t handle being treated like a 10 year old.
In the morning she’ll email me (to my work account) to make sure I’m there.
I haven’t talked to her in a while because I don’t like being treated this way and I told her that. It actually makes me want to drink more.

MyLittleHorsie

I know I edited your post down, but I loved every word you wrote. I personally like to see and hear from the family members and friends. I appreciate the perspective.