disney

I have been with my husband for 14 years. I have been verbally abused and still never gave up on him. I don't even know where to begin, so many days of disappointment. He had been through treatment 3 times. I believe the longest he has ever been completely sober was probably a year of that. That was a good year. I have 3 absolutely adorable children, they love their father so much. I however can not live like this anymore he has destroyed me, my sole, my worth, my dreams. I so want to move on but I look at my children and even though I am beyond miserable with him I can't do it to the children. I tried a few months back and my oldest son who is 10 cried and cried and I just couldn't watch him like that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. If I stay I risk messing the kids up because this isn't a happy home, if I go then I chance messing them up because it's a broken home. I fear they will hate me if I leave their father because he does no wrong in their eyes and they are too young to understand. I have tried to keep them from as much as I could, but I just carry this weight on my shoulders anymore. I don't know what the best thing to do is at this point. He won't attend meetings or counseling

least

Maybe it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

grayghost1965

Why are you bearing the entire responsibility for how your kids may or may not end up ? If you leave and provide them a safe, happy and secure life, I just don't see the down side to that. Their father is typical - selfish alcoholic who thinks it's all about him - is that the example you want your kids to see ? If you have daughters, do you want them to grow up learning that it's "okay" to stay in an obviously untenable marriage/relationship ?

disney

. I agree, it's just going to be so hard on them and I just don't want them to feel that pain, I just wanted a happy family for them and the truth is, it's not.

disney

I also feel that I can watch things closer because I fear he drinks and drives them when he would have them

Offthemast

My mom took us to her parents in Georgia and told my dad in Oklahoma if he didn't stop she wasn't coming back. I'm glad he made the right choice.

Maybe leave for awhile and give him and ultimatum. Might wake him up that you're serious.

disney

I think u are right. I will have to start getting plan together to leave, I did leave him before, even had met someone else. I only had one child at the time, he was young, 2 years old at the time. But I was stupid wanted to keep my family together thought he would change as he promised he would, but of course he didn't.

Maudcat

Hi, disney.
Welcome to SR.
Very sorry for your worry and sadness, but glad you found us.
Your post is in the Newcomers forum, which is just fine.
You might want to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum, where you will meet many posters who have been where you are and how they are coping.
Tons of experience and support.
I can guess that, with three small children, your time is very tight, but I’m also suggesting you take a look at Al-Anon literature and maybe meetings?
It is fellowship for people who are troubled and impacted by a loved one’s drinking.
Tons of support there too.
I feel from your post that you are feeling very trapped.
Just know that you are not alone, and there are ways to move forward.
Here when you need us.

disney

Thank you

ReadyAtLast

I left my husband despite having a 4 year old and I have never regretted it, There was no abuse but our relationship was over and it wasn't a loving home anymore.

I didn't want my child growing up and thinking what he saw every day, a marriage without love and kindness, was a good example of how to be in a relationship.

If you stay, as a pp said your daughters will grow up thinking it is normal and acceptable to be abused by men and your sons will grow up thinking it is acceptable and normal to abuse and destroy women. Chidlren learn by what they see every day.

Yes, your son may be upset but we as adults sometimes have to make difficult decisions that we know are in their best interests but they may not see at the time.

From what you say, your home is already broken but your kids are still living in it. surely it is best to give them and yourself a chance of living a full life away from such a dysfunctional situation. I know I didn't realise just how desperately unhappy and sad I was until I had left my husband. sometimes it takes us to be on the outside to really see clearly.

Wishing you all the best.