Eisley1988

So I remember a year or two ago my fiance told me

"You seem to have a compulsion to drink"

And that is very true

But the thing is I've always been kind of a functioning alcoholic (although I don't know if I'd say alcoholic, but some family members might say that word)

Anyway I've always been functional even when drinking a pint (sometimes more) everyday at times being a 90 pound girl

I've always been normal about drinking or at least appearing normal about it

I almost always drink at night except for the weekends where I might drink at 3 pm

I try to be as normal as possible, esp since my fiance gets worried

I just watch my stuff while my fiance does his own thing and I pour a glass of vodka and whatever as I try to wind down after working or school (I'm a college student)

I've always thought if I am a normal drinking or I make drinking a normal activity and don't act like what I consider a drunk maybe I'm not an alcoholic

I mean on average I have 3-4 vodka/ soda drinks a day and I'm 90 pounds (I'm 5 foot)

But I also don't have an extended history with drinking. By that I mean.. I've had months here and there since I was 18 (I'm 30 in june) of not drinking.

I don't always drink everyday, but lately for the past month I've been drinking a ton

I do have a history of alcohol/drug use.. I've been hospitalized for ODs, Outpatient and inpatient treatment, etc

I don't know... I feel like I'm good at making excuses

It scares me to know that I'm so smart and intelligent (which is a trait I've seen in many alcoholics/addicts) but I can have such an urge to drink

Thoughts?

dwtbd

I’m not an idiot, though I play one on the inter webs, lol, but I’m not sure if I ever gave serious consideration to what if any connection there was between having an urge to imbibe and then actually imbibing. I considered the latter to be a natural consequence of the former. I think now, that was a mistake.
Thoughts?

Eisley1988

heh I'm pretty sure I'm the all time champion at that :/

Dee74

for the first ten years of my drinking I never missed a days work, I worked late, I kicked many goals in terms of innovation and performance...I also had a second career as a musician at night...

all in spite of my drinking.

The second ten years all that came crashing down.

I lost both my careers and I ended up drinking all day everyday. I needed a drink to get out of bed.

when people say 'functional alcoholic' is not a type of alcoholic but a stage of alcoholism they're not kidding.

D

Maudcat

Hi, Eisley.
Welcome.
So...would you like to stop drinking?
Sounds like you are a bit worried.
I used alcohol to de-stress fast from a challenging job that, truth to tell, I wasn’t liking much anymore.
Clearly, it didn’t end well.
I became alcohol dependent, which had all kinds of negative consequences.
I found that quitting alcohol was the way to go.
That was four years ago.
I haven’t looked back.
You don’t say your age, but I’m assuming you are in your twenties, maybe?
Now’s the time to stop, if that’s what you want to do.
Much easier younger than older.
Peace.

Maudcat

And yes, high functioning is a stage, not a type.
We are all high functioning, til we aren’t.

Outonthetiles

Yuppers. . . it's progressive. High functioning is just a station we pass through on the way to Disaster Junction.

Eisley1988

Hey I'll be 30 in June

I'm a college student (3 years of school so far)

I just started working after not working for 8 years due to mental health/family issues

I am worried a bit and I do have a past history so that makes me worry more.

I got a lot on the line and I don't want to mess it up

I don't have withdrawal symptoms so far, although I have before

Hopefully I can nip it in the butt before it gets worse

Offthemast

I've been told I reminded people of Stephen Hawking when I was really hammered. So there might be something to that drunk=intelligence theory.

4thegirls

I wrote eleven books, ran a successful business singlehandedly, taught college, hosted a tv show, planned conferences for hundreds of people, raised 2 daughters and took care of my elderly mom while mostly drunk. As in while I was literally drunk, not drinking to let off steam. While drinking ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Then, all of the sudden, about a year ago, after 15 years of being drunk and being spectacular, I started missing classes, calling in sick, missing deadlines, isolating, making excuses and developing such acute anxiety I couldn't even answer the phone. I also gained 70 pounds in 1 year. Be assured: it's coming for you.

totfit

I do have a history of alcohol/drug use.. I've been hospitalized for ODs, Outpatient and inpatient treatment, etc

A person viewing this from the outside would not consider it "high functioning". I don't mean it to be blunt at all as for myself, I could not see my issue. I for a long time considered my drinking when it got out of hand as a "situational" think. To others I may have seemed high functional on a day to day basis, but internally I was a mess and "****" kept happening to me. I worked hard to keep up my facade of normality and just plain worked hard always. I kept it up until, I knew that I could not ingest alcohol without craving. I kept on until I knew I could not function and ingest alcohol. I found that there is a world of wonderful things I can do and alcohol only kept me from experiencing the rest of the world. I would rather experience everything else. I don't ingest alcohol and my life is immeasurably better.

LBrain

What do black cats, gray cats, red cats, white cats, calico cats all have in common? They are all cats.

I've heard "part time alcoholic", "functioning alcoholic" , "HIGHLY functioning alcoholic", "full blown alcoholic" and a number of other adjectives to describe an alcoholic of one form or another. What do they all have in common? They are all alcoholics.

The biggest hurdles most of us have faced with the word 'alcoholic' are the implications associated with it. It's a BAD word. I'm not one of 'them.' The fact that you came here and posted means you have a concern, and a valid one.

Acceptance is the most difficult part of the journey. Once you acknowledge it and accept it as fact, only then will you (anyone) be able to address the problem. We make excuses or downplay it. Others can see ourselves as we can't. And more often than not, it is those closest to us who see it first. It can be gradual, like stepping into the shallow end of the pool and walking toward the deep end. But make no mistake about it. By the time you realize it, you are already in the deep end.

jazzfish

I completely rocked my career and life at 30 while drink a ton every night. And then it all ran on the fumes of the reputation I built, while my performance slowly faded. Then people stopped hiring me and friends stopped calling. And then I drank at home alone because I was "too mature" for the craziness of the pub life. And then I watched my salary plummet as I escaped one "crappy" job to a more "meaningful" job (which would eventually turn out to also be crappy). I watched as my formerly thin, fit self disappeared under a life with less and less exercise and good eating. Through it all, alcohol was still that unshakable symbol of a good life achieved. Alcohol was my escape and my celebration. Until I eventually realized that the only real effect alcohol was having on my life was to continue and accelerate the downward spiral. "Functional" had quietly slipped away 10 years before I realized it was missing.

trachemys

Do you really want to be ANY kind of alcoholic?

Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome to you I am glad to see you here posting and questioning this, that is very smart.
I want to fully and wholeheartedly reiterate what others have said above. "Functional" is not a type but rather a stage of alcoholism. The thing is it is so hard to see coming- unless you heed the warnings of other who have been there.
I too was once a functioning alcoholic. I never drank in the morning, never got the shakes, I got up bright and early each morning and made the kids a hot breakfast, got them dressed for school, got to the school on time, every time, well dressed and made up myself. I did all my work. I never cancelled work engagements or plans due to drinking or being hungover. I volunteered at the school and elsewhere, gave free language courses at the library. I hosted marvellous parties. I read stories to my kids each night after a warm bath and a nutritious dinner. I kept my house clean and my garden in order. Everything was ok from the outside looking in. But inside I was suffering. Slowly things started to slip. Maybe I rushed through the bedtime routine because the story was taking too long and I want to get to my nightly drinking. Maybe the kids could skip a bath tonight. Maybe I didn't really need to put on makeup just to run the kids to school in the morning. I worked from home so a mid-day nap was ok here and there.... Maybe I could have a glass of wine at lunch. Or you know what, maybe even at 10 am.
And this all happened very, very slowly. So slowly I barely noticed it. Until one day, don't ask me when, but one day, I just fell off the side of the cliff and things went downhill with a speed that I never could have predicted. I started drinking first thing in the morning. Hair and make up before school never happened. I was lucky to get the kids there on time, dressed with appropriate clothing and all their stuff. Bedtime stories? A think of the past. Shakes. Drinking all day, every day. Missing appointments due to being hungover or worse, full on drunk. Vomiting on myself in front of the kids. Drunk all the time. Completely out of control.
And I never saw it coming. I thought forever that I really had it together. I knew I had a problem, but felt I could just fit that problem into all the other things I had to take care of. No way. I ended up in rehab to get myself together and am so thankful I did.
But if I could warn anyone to not go that far, I will do so. Please stop now.

LateBloominCait

High functioning is a myth imo. You are at the "hiding how much I drink" stage which involves a song and dance of accomplishment in public and hides the reality. I too was functioning according to others. In reality I was living a lie and it was a matter of time before I got a DUI, ended up in the wrong company after a night at the bars or worse, hit and killed someone while driving to and from my "functional" life.

I used to think I had to hit a really bad rock bottom to stop but I eventually realized that I'd rather not find out how low I can go.

Verdantia

Hey, Eisley. Welcome--there are lots of very cool people here who have helped me greatly in getting and staying sober. I was 'high-functioning,' and able to excel at my proofreading job and musical career while drinking 12-14 beers (at least) every day, until suddenly I wasn't. I am a small woman as well--5'6" and 112lbs. At that point there was no gradual decline, just a fall from a very steep incline, and I realized to my horror that I was well-hooked. I'd lost both jobs within 6 months and nearly my life at the end, hallucinating and alone. Thank God those times are gone!
Alcohol is an unpredictable beast and we are all different but i guarantee it is a downward spiral. You will never regret booting drink from your life, and I wish you all the best on your journey.

tomsteve

rationalization- its lead many people to some serious depths of alcoholism.

I've always been normal about drinking or at least appearing normal about it
and it can get worse. read around here to see that truth.


But the thing is I've always been kind of a functioning alcoholic
in YOUR opinion. remove the alcohol and look at your thinking- how ya functioning in your melon?



I almost always drink at night except for the weekends where I might drink at 3 pm
............................

I try to be as normal as possible, esp since my fiance gets worried
no problems with alcohol here. its common for people to get concerned with loved ones who drink like normal people.
yes, thats sarcasm- normal drinkers and people that dont have a problem dont have loved ones get concerned.

But I also don't have an extended history with drinking.

YET. keep rationalizing. you,too, can end up 50 years old saying,"what happened??"

I do have a history of alcohol/drug use.. I've been hospitalized for ODs, Outpatient and inpatient treatment, etc
you said above you dont.
But I also don't have an extended history with drinking


dont think youre rationalizing? keep reading your OP here. hopefully youll see it and accept it. then do something about the alcoholism

lets look at your question:what if you are high functioning?
answer that for us and yourself maybe?
maybe your high functioning now.
2 OD's and everything from past posts, i dont read high functioning.
i read an alcoholic/addict in denial about the severity of it all.

MindfulMan

This.

Hospitalized for ODs, outpatient and inpatient rehabs are in no way "normal drinking/using."

My one trip to inpatient rehab was my wake-up call, when I realized waking up in bed there wondering when I'd installed sprinklers on my bedroom ceiling was in no way "normal drinking."

There were many red flags in your post, but to me this was the most glaring.

Listen to the stories from addicts here. Whatever the consequences and you say to yourself "At least THAT hasn't happened to me," add the word "Yet."

If you continue to drink/use at your level, it will be a disaster. End of story.

If you try to moderate, you will graduate to full-blown addiction. End of story.

You can stop now and head off huge consequences later or keep drinking and experience them. End of story.

And yes, like most addicts you're very good at making excuses, as well as "hiding" your drinking/using from others close to you. Apparently not so well, as some of your family has rightly labeled you an alcoholic.

Not trying to be harsh here. I feel a lot of compassion to the situation you are in....it sounds all too familiar to my own drinking/drugging career.

FreeOwl

I don't harbor regrets in life....

But with the most honest lens turned back on my many years of being "high functioning" - I can see very, very, very clearly how dysfunctional that was.

More importantly, an image emerges of how much more abundant, rich, meaningful, joyful and impactful my life would have been - had I not been so "high functioning".

In my case - "high functioning" was a rationalization that I used for a very long time to allow myself to gradually, slowly, imperceptibly lower the "functioning" level bar until it became apparent there was no longer any argument to be made for "high functioning".

It's the tragic reality of a descent into addiction and a life spent wasting much beauty on pouring poison down our throats; by the time we recognize our own lies, we've blown the one most precious resource we have in this life; our time.

I hope you decide to learn just how high you're capable of functioning.