Gilmer

Often when we first get sober we have no idea what to do with ourselves. We’ve built our lives around chasing a buzz, getting that out-of-the-ordinary surge of great pleasure that leaves the dull reality of our lives in the dust.

At first chasing a chemical rush seems like a no-brainer: to a humdrum existence we can add great thrills just from drinking or smoking—that is, till we throw away our lives or ruin our health.

And often the chemicals just stop working.

So we find ourselves in a desperate mess and decide to get sober.

But we have no idea how else to fill our time; people suggest finding hobbies or volunteering, but those things seem overwhelming and lackluster compared to the effortless chemical highs we used to get with the snap of a finger.

In this case, act and the feelings will follow—“fake it till you make it.”

Pick something—anything—and plunge into it with everything you’ve got. Don’t worry that you have no real talent, or it seems forced. So often we know full well that we’ll never be truly superb at things, so we don’t bother even to learn about them.

If we can’t be perfect, we don’t want anything to do with it.

So we’re left with the despair of believing everything sucks, and we suck.

But often the best is the enemy of the genuinely good.

Just because you’ll never sing in the Metropolitan Opera does not mean you have to avoid music!

At least take the time to learn about something new. Pick an interest and invest your energy in it. “All hard work yields a profit:” in time and with perseverance you will see yourself improve.

And the more of yourself you invest, the more you will begin to care. With consistent effort you will see real progress—and it will please you. Your interest will become more and more genuine. It will become your treasure—“and where your treasure is, there your heart is, also.”

Furthermore, when you love something, you impart real beauty to it. Even though it may not be the Metropolitan Opera, you will have participated in true beauty. The beauty comes from you.

When you recognize that beauty, that’s when an interest becomes a passion. You will want to give it your all.

When have invested your very best, given your all, and seen It through to completion, you will experience a deep, exhilarating rush that puts a chemical rush to shame!

The physical and mental intensity of the chemical rush is far outweighed by the profound mental and emotional rush of your own creation of beauty and excellence.

With a chemical rush, your consciousness checks out and lets a substance take over—but the rush from natural endorphins and adrenaline engages every fiber of your being.

So go about learning to make beauty! Nothing will be more worth your effort!

trachemys

shotgun

andyh

I'm in. shotgun! thanks for the opening post Gilmer

edit: beaten to it

Gilmer

Way to go, Trach!

Gilmer

Oh, no, Andy! You missed it by 1/100 of a second! I needed an instant replay!

STDragon

Good morning and thank you for the new thread Gilmer. As you may know, I picked up playing the Ukulele. I'm I ever going to be a phenominal player? Probably not. But if I look back at my progress, I'm doing pretty darn good. And by darn good, I mean good enough for me. I play to entertain myself, (I've even recently started singing along too). And because of my interest, my daughter also took an interest in the instrument. Now we are both signed up for classes and are bonding over a common interest. You never know where learning something new is going to take you. Never stop learning, Never stop trying.

trachemys

I'll co-shotgun with you, andy. When I saw my buddy Gilmer start the Weekender, my fingers flew.

And a great start to the Weekender it is. Well done.

"But we have no idea how else to fill our time; people suggest finding hobbies or volunteering, but those things seem overwhelming and lackluster compared to the effortless chemical highs we used to get with the snap of a finger."

When you hit that point, walk.

Just go walk. Hit the sidewalk, the trails. Exposure to the natural world will do wonders for you. Don't trudge, staring at your feet. Head up, look at the world. Most people spend most of their days tuned in to the world around them. Not like us, who spend our time tuned in to our buzz.

So, get out there. Walk. Live in the world. Experience the world.

Gilmer

Dragon, it is really, really cool when you encounter someone else who shares your passion—who “gets it!”

I used to do needlework when I was younger. and a couple of years ago I decided to try a really intricate piece again (5 different shades of blue).

I worked in fits and spurts, 3 steps forward and two steps back, for all this time. On Sunday it was finally done. A few imperfections, but overall a job well done.

I washed it and ironed it, then carried it gingerly to the framing store.

The proprietor took one look at it and said, “Wow, look at the intricate work in this! This is a work of art!”

I asked to look at several frames, including a brown wooden one like the one on the original magazine cover. He showed them to me, and also a couple of black.

Then he said he’d like to show me some blue frames. He said that with a complementary blue frame the eye would go right to the piece in the center, whereas with a brown or black frame they eye would get stuck on the contrast between the frame and the piece.

The lightbulb clicked on for me, and I could see exactly what he was talking about!

I could tell he really knew and loved his craft, just as I had really loved my piece.

It was a really great feeling to be “known” and appreciated.

I’m sure with your daughter that feeling will grow and grow, Andy.

saoutchik

Good afternoon everyone,

Thank you for that timely OP Gilmer. I often think that not enough is said about displacement activity, I think it was essential for me and indeed I don't think I went a day without posting about it, in 2015, my first year sober, I restored an old Lancia and "went on" about it on these pages in excruciating detail and likely bored everyone rigid however it did keep me away from the bottle so as Gilmer says, "plunge into it with everything you've got" its a win win.

Gilmer

I think I’ll get outside this afternoon and take a walk.

My dad used to say, “Blow the stink off yourself!”

Gilmer

Watching your step-by-step progress on that Lancia, then seeing it finished at last, was a real inspiration to me, Sao!

I swear it broke my heart almost as much as it did yours when the time came to sell it!

DarklingSong

Thanks Gilmer. I am trying to identify something new to do that I can fit around work etc. It is the number one thing I need to do in the coming weeks but its easy to keep making excuses. Thanks for the inspiration!
In for the weekend.

Gilmer

It’s totally acceptable to start with nothing. From zero, you’ve got nowhere to go but up, no matter what the pursuit.

Being able to see progress is a tremendous boost to self-esteem.

And the more confidence you have (in anything), the better you do! Which leads to more joy!

MLD51

I'm in! Thanks for the great OP, Gilmer!

I felt overwhelmed at first at the idea that I would have to find other things to do with my time. Then I tried a few things I thought would be good hobbies, and got bored with them before I gave them a real chance. Or gave up when I thought I "wasn't doing it right." So I walked. I can do that right, surely. I started hiking a lot more. It was just what I needed in the early days, when I did not have a full-time job. Well now I have a full-time job, and that takes up a ton of time. I still have time to do a few fun things here and there, but I'm generally so busy with the job, keeping the house reasonable, putting food on the table, and now, college classes, that I never feel antsy or bored. I don't have time to drink! And I'm not doing anything extraordinary, just living. But I love it. I don't know if I'm creating any beauty that anyone else can see or care about, but I think it's beautiful that I have a (mostly) orderly life, and I do the right things, day after day. For me, right now, that's enough. When I retire I'll have to come up with stuff to do, but I have several ideas and if all else fails, I'll hike even more!

trachemys

MLD, a well lived life is a thing of beauty.

Keep walkin'

Gilmer

That’s true. Giving your all to whatever you do can turn even the mundane into a thing of beauty.

badgerden

Not Shotgun! Not Shotgun!! Way in the back, back seat driver!! are we there yet?? I want ice cream!! Stop looking at me! He's looking at me!!

Just go walk. Hit the sidewalk, the trails. Exposure to the natural world will do wonders for you. Don't trudge, staring at your feet. Head up, look at the world. Most people spend most of their days tuned in to the world around them. Not like us, who spend our time tuned in to our buzz.

So, get out there. Walk. Live in the world. Experience the world.

Totally agree Trachemys, thank you for the post. I have more backpacks than purses, and love throwing the day pack on and just moving, exploring, just me and the dogs.

Badge

theVman31

Thank you Gilmer.

Evening fine weekenders.
Very much enjoyed the read so far.
Photo finish for shotgun with an enquiry pending. There was some cheating in the 4th ntp stratum and Mr mills has awarded a dead heat. So the US and the UK share shotgun.

Great having an interest in something.
My mum in law is a big knitter and patchwork person too Gilmer. My daughter is spoiled. I'm not going to mention ukuleles, lancias, further education, jobs, the great outdoors... Oh yeah.

Sao, have to ask was it a delta hf integrale ?

My wife is from a little village in the Pyrénées and when I first saw them (OK and her) it just took me off my feet. I know I would spend a lot of time in the mountains. I have climbed more or less every peak in the Pyrenees from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean over 20 years. Time to start rediscovering them maybe without feeling the necessity to conquer every peak.
A walk in the woods

This is the message I got :
1. plunge into it with everything you've got" its a win win.
2. Giving your all to whatever you do can turn even the mundane into a thing of beauty.

Party on weekenders.
V.

saoutchik

A Delta Integrale would be splendid choice although some of the mechanicals might be a bit too complex for me. Mine was a coupe bodied Flaminia from 1966 below. Prettier than an Integrale though nowhere near as quick

The Pyrrénées look superb on the Tour de France. I would like to visit them

trachemys